Read Online The Razor's Edge by W. Somerset Maugham - Free Book Online Page B

head about this, that, and the other? Perhaps it's only because I'm a conceited prig. Wouldn't it be better to follow the beaten track and let what's coming to you come?" And then you think of a fellow who an hour before was full of life and fun, and he's lying dead; it's all so cruel and so meaningless. It's hard not to ask yourself what life is all about and whether there's any sense to it or whether it's all a tragic blunder of blind fate.'
    It was impossible not to be moved when Larry, with that wonderfully melodious voice of his, spoke, haltingly as though he forced himself to say what he would sooner have left unsaid and yet with such an anguished sincerity; and for a while Isabel did not trust herself to speak.
    'Would it help you if I went away for a bit?'
    She put the question with a sinking heart. He took a long time to answer.
    'I think so. You try to be indifferent to public opinion, but it's not easy. When it's antagonistic it arouses antagonism in you and that disturbs you.'
    'Why don't you go then?'
    'Well, on account of you.'
    'Let's be frank with one another, darling. There's no place for me in your life just now.'
    'Does that mean you don't want to be engaged to me any more?'
    She forced a smile to her trembling lips.
    'No, foolish, it means I'm prepared to wait.'
    'It may be a year. It may be two.'
    'That's all right. It may be less. Where'd you want to go?'
    He looked at her intently as though he were trying to see into her innermost heart. She smiled lightly to hide her deep distress.
    'Well, I thought I'd start by going to Paris. I know no one there. There'd be no one to interfere with me. I went to Paris several times on leave. I don't know why, but I've got it into my head that there everything that's muddled in my mind would grow clear. It's a funny picture, it gives you the feeling that there you can think out your thoughts to the end without let or hindrance. I think there I may be able to see my way before me.'
    'And what's to happen if you don't?'
    He chuckled.
    'Then I shall fall back on my good American horse sense, give it up as a bad job and come back to Chicago and take any work I can get.'
    The scene had affected Isabel too much for her to be able to tell it to me without getting somewhat emotional, and when she finished she looked at me pitifully.
    'Do you think I did right?'
    'I think you did the only thing you could do, but what's more I think you've been wonderfully kind, generous, and understanding.'
    'I love him and I want him to be happy. And you know, in a way I'm not sorry he should go. I want him to be out of this hostile atmosphere, and that not only for his sake, but for mine too. I can't blame people when they say he'll never amount to anything; I hate them for it, and yet all the time deep down in me I have an awful fear that they're right. But don't say I'm understanding. I don't begin to understand what he's after.'
    'Perhaps you understand with your heart rather than with your reason.' I smiled. 'Why don't you marry him right away and go off to Paris with him?'
    The shadow of a smile came into her eyes.
    'There's nothing I'd like to do more. But I couldn't. And you know, though I hate to acknowledge it, I do really think he's better off without me. If Dr Nelson is right and he's suffering from delayed shock surely new surroundings and new interests will cure him, and when he's got his balance again he'll come back to Chicago and go into business like everybody else. I wouldn't want to marry an idler.'
    Isabel had been brought up in a certain way and she accepted the principles that had been instilled into her. She did not think of money, because she had never known what it was not to have all she needed, but she was instinctively aware of its importance. It meant power, influence, and social consequence. It was the natural and obvious thing that a man should earn it. That was his plain life's work.
    'It doesn't surprise me that you don't understand Larry,' I said, 'because