science to bother with some of the niceties that other people have time for,â said Ray.
âI have friends who are doctors who could be anchorpeople,â sniffed Marietta. âOr social directors on cruise ships.â
âAre they surgeons?â I asked.
My mother sighed. My father looked to Ray.
âMaybe Iâll take Alice home now,â he said.
WE STOPPED TWICE for coffee. I didnât say muchâeven less than usualâbecause I was working up to something like an expression of gratitude. Between sips I said, âI donât go home a lot because I usually manage to say something tactless, and everyone stays mad for a couple of weeks.â
âUntil?â
âUntil my mother calls and complains about my sister. No one apologizes. It just goes away.â
âIâve heard of worse things,â said Ray. âIn some families, people stay mad. No one calls and pretends everythingâs okay because they all hate each otherâs guts.â
I told him this trip was different. I always left like thisâearlier than planned. But no one ever walked through the door with me. No one ever came to my defense or pointed out that the Mariettas of the world were the ones deficient in social graces.
âAnd?â
âI guess that was me saying thank you.â
âYouâre welcome.â
A few miles later he asked, âWho did this to you?â
I asked what he meant.
âYour parents? Is that who? Did they ever build you up? Tell you you were smart and prettyâtheir precious daughter, their pride and joy?â
âPride and joy, sure,â I said. âBut because of what I did and not the way I looked.â
I could see that he was studying my profile, searching for a diplomatic counterpoint. âWhat a pity,â he finally said. âTo think that all these yearsâhow many? Twenty-five?â
âIâll be twenty-seven in two months.â
âTo think that in all these years youâve been carrying around this image of yourself asâhow would you define it? Unattractive?â
âYes,â I said.
âI donât want to hear that anymore,â he said.
I didnât flinch when his hand moved to my knee, an act that seemed more brotherly than sexual. Or so I thought. He left it there until he had to downshift, a good fifteen miles later. When it found its way back, higher on my leg and decidedly less fraternal, I let that pass, too. I was only human. No one else was driving me out of state or banishing derogatory adjectives from my vocabulary. No one elseâs pupils dilated as I described my two weeks in a remote village in British Honduras with the Reconstructive Surgeons Volunteer Program, aiding the shunned. In a few years Iâd be thirty. My sister was a lesbian. I was a heterosexual with the potential to be the favorite child. And here in the adjacent bucket seat, stroking my unloved leg, was a man.
7.
Reveille
âWHAT I MEANT BY âSTAY,â â SAID RAY, âIS PRETTY MUCH universally understood to mean
not go home.
As in
sleep over.
â
I explained, just inside the front door of my building, that overnight parking was prohibited on Brookline Avenue, and, furthermore, overnight guests were not allowed under Leoâs and my covenant.
Ray said, âIâve never heard of such a thing! Whatever happened to consenting adults? Is this a halfway house or something, with rules about sex, drugs, and firearms? Câmon. Who are you kidding? Youâre making this up, arenât you? Why not just tell the truth? Why not say, âRay? Iâm scared to have a man in my bed.â â
âIâm not,â I said. âI just think this is premature and unwarranted.â
â âPremature and unwarranted,â â he parroted. He moved closer and took my hand. âBut Iâm a red-blooded guy whoâs pretty good at translating body language and I seem
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