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disavow. We then strongly detest in ourselves what we cannot see in ourselves. Our positive shadow holds our untapped potential. We admire in others what is buried and deactivated in us. Synchronicity, meaningful coincidence, happens as we meet up with just the people who activate our positive shadow gifts and our negative shadow traits. Both strong dislike and admiration are the projections we can reclaim, and they are synchronously just what we require for a sense of wholeness.
     
Healthy ego:
Spiritual Self:
Resources:
The source:
Observe
Unconditional love
Assess
Perennial wisdom
Act in accord with goals
Healing power
Make choices that reflect our deepest wishes and needs
    The work is to return to the source through the healthy ego’s resources. The source is within. It is the Self beyond the clinging ego, an enlightened nature perfect in essence but imperfectly exhibited in daily existence. I can find a perfect bee but not a perfect me. A bee is perfect without effort. I have to work at being who and all that I already am.
    P RACTICING L ETTING G O OF E GO
    Spiritual awakening involves maintaining a healthy ego and letting go of the inflated—neurotic—ego with such central themes as those listed below. Notice which ones apply to you:
I become enraged, spiteful, and vindictive when I am thwarted, found to be in error, or bested (even in board games or sports)
I have to win, cannot be second, and will not be last
I have to be right, noticed, and praised
I overreact to minor slights
I hold a grudge when crossed and have to get even
I will not forgive or forget
I insist on getting my own way most of the time
I find flexibility or compromise difficult
I am controlling, demanding, manipulative
I am abusive, sarcastic, territorial, possessive
I operate on a hierarchical (not cooperative) dominance model
I demand that I be highly appreciated for every good deed
I have to be excused for every misdeed, denying or justifying my misbehavior and canceling any need for amends
I cannot be criticized or even given feedback without becoming defensive or aggressive
I cannot lose face, that is, lose ego, nor can I apologize
I have to come out looking good
I believe I am entitled to an exemption from the conditions of ordinary existence
I demand love, respect, and loyalty no matter what
I have to return a favor (keep it even, don’t be beholden to anyone)
I cannot show that I need others or that I am dependent on them in any way
Retaliation is my favorite sport
    Note the compulsive, aggressive—and painful—flavor of all the above. The lifestyle of the inflated ego is compulsive since we have to act in these ways, lest we lose control or the rank we believe ourselves entitled to, even at any cost of our own peace of mind. In fact, there is no peace when ego rules. It is aggressive because of its “me first” attitude and its retaliatory, punitive flavor. It is painful because the person with this neurotic ego is full of fear, feels terribly anxious about losing face, and notices that, though he may win, he certainly is not being loved. In a job in which he has even minimal authority, he may demand rigid adherence to the rules, lord it over others, and strongly punish those who defy his authority.
    Ask yourself: Does my ego become confused with self-reliance?
    “I won’t give up (or in).”
    “I keep my word.”
    “I said I’ll do it and I will.”
    These may be self-reliance or ego. They are examples of self-reliance when they are flexible and interdependent in how they play out. They are ego when they are unilateral, self-centered, and meant to establish and maintain an arrogant persona. How do they size up in my life?
    An example of the capacity of the ego to sustain its rage and indignation is in the instance of the divorced man who kidnaps his children and keeps them away from their mother for years. Another might be in someone who refuses to talk to a friend for years after a single instance of being snubbed. One affront,