Read Online The Plant by Stephen King - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Stephen King
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SHE HADN’T SEEN YOU LAST
TWO DAYS. SHE SOUNDED FUNNY. I HOPE ONLY STONED. CALL ME SOONEST OR
I’LL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR THIS WEEKEND. LOVE YOU.
JOHN
March 10,1981
Dear John,
I imagine—no, I know—you must be wondering why you haven’t heard from me much over the last three weeks. The reason is simple enough; I’ve been feeling guilty. And the reason I am writing now instead of calling is that I am a coward. Also I think, although you may not believe me when you read the rest of this,which is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write, because I love you very much and want so much not to hurt you. All the same I suppose this will hurt and knowing I can’t help it makes me cry.
60
John, I’ve met a man named Toby Anderson and have fallen head over heels in love with him. If it matters to you—and it probably won’t—I met him in one of the two English Restoration drama courses I’m taking.I held him off as best as I could for a long time—
I very much want and need you to believe that—but by mid-February I just couldn’t hold him off any longer. My arms got tired.
The last three weeks or so have been a nightmare for me. I don’t really expect you to sympathize with my position,but I hope you’ll believe I am telling the truth. Although you’re on the east coast and I’m three thousand miles away on the west,I felt as if I were sneaking around on you. And I was. I was! Oh, I don’t mean in the sense that you might come home early from work one night and find me with To b y ,but I felt terrible all the same.I couldn’t sleep,c o u l d n ’t eat, couldn’t do my yoga positions or the Jane Fonda Workout.My grades were slipping, but to hell with the grades—my heart was slipping.
I’ve been ducking your calls because I couldn’t bear to hear your voice—it seemed to bring it all home to me—how I was lying and cheating and leading you on.
It all came to a head two nights ago when Toby showed me the lovely diamond engagement ring he had bought for me. He said he wanted me to have it and he hoped I wanted to take it,but he said he couldn’t give it to me even if I did until I talked or wrote to you.He’s such an honorable man, John, and the irony is that under different circumstances I am sure you would like him very much.
61
I broke down and cried in his arms and before long his tears were mingled with mine. The upshot of it all was me saying I would be ready for him to slip that gorgeous lovering on my finger by the end of the week.I think we are going to be married in June.
You see that in the end I took the coward’s way out, writing instead of phoning,and it’s still taken me the last two days to get this much down—I’ve cut every class and have practically put down roots in the library karel where I should be studying for a Trans-formational Grammar prelim.But to hell with Noam Chomsky and deep structure! And although you may not believe this either, each word of the letter you’re reading has been like a lash across my heart.
If you want to talk to me,John—I’d understand if you didn’t but you may—you could call me in a week...after you’ve had a chance to think all this over and get it into some kind of perspective.I am so used to your sweetness and charm and kindness,and so afraid you’ll be angry and accusatory—but that is up to you and I’ll just have to
“take you as you are,” I suppose. But you need that time to cool off and settle down,and I need some time,too. You should receive this on the eleventh. I’ll be in my apartment from seven to nine-thirty on the nights of the eighteenth through the twenty-second,both expecting your call and dreading it. I won’t want to speak to you before then, and I hope you understand—and I think maybe you will, you who were always the most understanding of men in spite of your constant self-deprecation.
62
One other thing—both Toby and I are in agreement about this: don’t take it in your head
TWO DAYS. SHE SOUNDED FUNNY. I HOPE ONLY STONED. CALL ME SOONEST OR
I’LL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR THIS WEEKEND. LOVE YOU.
JOHN
March 10,1981
Dear John,
I imagine—no, I know—you must be wondering why you haven’t heard from me much over the last three weeks. The reason is simple enough; I’ve been feeling guilty. And the reason I am writing now instead of calling is that I am a coward. Also I think, although you may not believe me when you read the rest of this,which is the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write, because I love you very much and want so much not to hurt you. All the same I suppose this will hurt and knowing I can’t help it makes me cry.
60
John, I’ve met a man named Toby Anderson and have fallen head over heels in love with him. If it matters to you—and it probably won’t—I met him in one of the two English Restoration drama courses I’m taking.I held him off as best as I could for a long time—
I very much want and need you to believe that—but by mid-February I just couldn’t hold him off any longer. My arms got tired.
The last three weeks or so have been a nightmare for me. I don’t really expect you to sympathize with my position,but I hope you’ll believe I am telling the truth. Although you’re on the east coast and I’m three thousand miles away on the west,I felt as if I were sneaking around on you. And I was. I was! Oh, I don’t mean in the sense that you might come home early from work one night and find me with To b y ,but I felt terrible all the same.I couldn’t sleep,c o u l d n ’t eat, couldn’t do my yoga positions or the Jane Fonda Workout.My grades were slipping, but to hell with the grades—my heart was slipping.
I’ve been ducking your calls because I couldn’t bear to hear your voice—it seemed to bring it all home to me—how I was lying and cheating and leading you on.
It all came to a head two nights ago when Toby showed me the lovely diamond engagement ring he had bought for me. He said he wanted me to have it and he hoped I wanted to take it,but he said he couldn’t give it to me even if I did until I talked or wrote to you.He’s such an honorable man, John, and the irony is that under different circumstances I am sure you would like him very much.
61
I broke down and cried in his arms and before long his tears were mingled with mine. The upshot of it all was me saying I would be ready for him to slip that gorgeous lovering on my finger by the end of the week.I think we are going to be married in June.
You see that in the end I took the coward’s way out, writing instead of phoning,and it’s still taken me the last two days to get this much down—I’ve cut every class and have practically put down roots in the library karel where I should be studying for a Trans-formational Grammar prelim.But to hell with Noam Chomsky and deep structure! And although you may not believe this either, each word of the letter you’re reading has been like a lash across my heart.
If you want to talk to me,John—I’d understand if you didn’t but you may—you could call me in a week...after you’ve had a chance to think all this over and get it into some kind of perspective.I am so used to your sweetness and charm and kindness,and so afraid you’ll be angry and accusatory—but that is up to you and I’ll just have to
“take you as you are,” I suppose. But you need that time to cool off and settle down,and I need some time,too. You should receive this on the eleventh. I’ll be in my apartment from seven to nine-thirty on the nights of the eighteenth through the twenty-second,both expecting your call and dreading it. I won’t want to speak to you before then, and I hope you understand—and I think maybe you will, you who were always the most understanding of men in spite of your constant self-deprecation.
62
One other thing—both Toby and I are in agreement about this: don’t take it in your head
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