Read Online The Perfect Family by Kathryn Shay - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kathryn Shay
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even think about that. It took her a while, but she won the battle and chose instead to figure out how she could help her son. And her husband.
*
With Buck at his heels, Jamie took the stairs two at a time. He catapulted into the bathroom, slammed the door, and lowered the toilet seat. Dropping down onto it, he buried his face in his hands.
Breathe in, breathe out . Again. And again.
When his stomach settled and he didn’t feel like he was going to hurl, he stood and crossed to the sink in front of the mirror. He looked the same. Too skinny. Great hair, now that it was longer; normal nose. Eyes that, some cheerleader had told him, could get him into any girl’s pants. Showed how much she knew. But as he stared at his reflection, he sensed he wasn’t the same and never would be after what just happened in the laundry room.
He’d told her! Finally, after years of self-doubt that made him sick to his stomach, and when that passed, months of feeling like he was going to bust open from the inside if he didn’t let go of his secret, he found the courage to tell her. Luke’s last text message said, If you do, I will . They’d made a pact to approach both their mothers today.
But, oh God, he’d upset her, this woman who’d been the most important person in his life. He could see it in her face, always filled with gentle love and an acceptance most kids couldn’t fathom.
Typical of her, she’d tried to be brave. She said the right things. Yet he knew her almost as well as she knew him, and what he’d revealed would cause her worry and pain. He’d pretended he was good, too, that he hadn’t had sleepless nights over who he was, hadn’t gone through stages of self-loathing and recriminations. He was, after all, an actor. And he had come out on the other side, had accepted who he was. Rejoiced in it, even. Finding Luke just brought it all together.
Still, this step was done. Finally, finally done.
After splashing some water on his face, Jamie opened the door and made his way to his own room. Flopping on the bed, with Buck leaping to the foot of it, he checked his text messages. None. He was dying to know how it went with Luke, who was scared shitless of his parents. But like Jamie, being gay had gotten too big to keep inside anymore. It took too much energy to keep the door closed on a closet full of secrets. How would Luke’s mom and dad handle it? Would they explode, say awful things that could never be taken back? Luke feared they might, and having gotten to know the Cranes in the last few weeks, Jamie expected the worst.
Linking his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, he thought about his mom again. She hadn’t said any of those awful things and she never would. She’d deal with his being gay and any problems that caused inside her and make his coming out easier for him. Yet Jamie wasn’t out of the woods. Brian would freak, and Jamie would have to smooth over not telling him sooner. But it was his dad’s potential reaction that woke Jamie up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Because of the church he belonged to and the religion he embraced, his own father could reject him. His dad might say those things he could never take back.
And Jamie didn’t know what he’d do if that happened.
Probably sensing tension in him, Buck barked and moved in to nuzzle him. Jamie petted the dog for a while, then grabbed his phone and sent a text saying, So, how’d it go telling your parents?
After a while there was a chime. I couldn’t do it, Jamie. Maybe we should both wait.
Jamie’s hand curled around the cell. “Now you tell me.”
Disappointment shot through him, harsh and acute. When he got past it, he messaged Luke that it was okay, he should wait until he was ready. But it wasn’t, really. The plan was to share the joy of coming out to their parents. He wanted to share everything with Luke.
“Shit!” he said aloud. Bolting up, he knew he had to get out what he was
*
With Buck at his heels, Jamie took the stairs two at a time. He catapulted into the bathroom, slammed the door, and lowered the toilet seat. Dropping down onto it, he buried his face in his hands.
Breathe in, breathe out . Again. And again.
When his stomach settled and he didn’t feel like he was going to hurl, he stood and crossed to the sink in front of the mirror. He looked the same. Too skinny. Great hair, now that it was longer; normal nose. Eyes that, some cheerleader had told him, could get him into any girl’s pants. Showed how much she knew. But as he stared at his reflection, he sensed he wasn’t the same and never would be after what just happened in the laundry room.
He’d told her! Finally, after years of self-doubt that made him sick to his stomach, and when that passed, months of feeling like he was going to bust open from the inside if he didn’t let go of his secret, he found the courage to tell her. Luke’s last text message said, If you do, I will . They’d made a pact to approach both their mothers today.
But, oh God, he’d upset her, this woman who’d been the most important person in his life. He could see it in her face, always filled with gentle love and an acceptance most kids couldn’t fathom.
Typical of her, she’d tried to be brave. She said the right things. Yet he knew her almost as well as she knew him, and what he’d revealed would cause her worry and pain. He’d pretended he was good, too, that he hadn’t had sleepless nights over who he was, hadn’t gone through stages of self-loathing and recriminations. He was, after all, an actor. And he had come out on the other side, had accepted who he was. Rejoiced in it, even. Finding Luke just brought it all together.
Still, this step was done. Finally, finally done.
After splashing some water on his face, Jamie opened the door and made his way to his own room. Flopping on the bed, with Buck leaping to the foot of it, he checked his text messages. None. He was dying to know how it went with Luke, who was scared shitless of his parents. But like Jamie, being gay had gotten too big to keep inside anymore. It took too much energy to keep the door closed on a closet full of secrets. How would Luke’s mom and dad handle it? Would they explode, say awful things that could never be taken back? Luke feared they might, and having gotten to know the Cranes in the last few weeks, Jamie expected the worst.
Linking his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, he thought about his mom again. She hadn’t said any of those awful things and she never would. She’d deal with his being gay and any problems that caused inside her and make his coming out easier for him. Yet Jamie wasn’t out of the woods. Brian would freak, and Jamie would have to smooth over not telling him sooner. But it was his dad’s potential reaction that woke Jamie up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. Because of the church he belonged to and the religion he embraced, his own father could reject him. His dad might say those things he could never take back.
And Jamie didn’t know what he’d do if that happened.
Probably sensing tension in him, Buck barked and moved in to nuzzle him. Jamie petted the dog for a while, then grabbed his phone and sent a text saying, So, how’d it go telling your parents?
After a while there was a chime. I couldn’t do it, Jamie. Maybe we should both wait.
Jamie’s hand curled around the cell. “Now you tell me.”
Disappointment shot through him, harsh and acute. When he got past it, he messaged Luke that it was okay, he should wait until he was ready. But it wasn’t, really. The plan was to share the joy of coming out to their parents. He wanted to share everything with Luke.
“Shit!” he said aloud. Bolting up, he knew he had to get out what he was
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