Read Online The Peculiar Miracles of Antoinette Martin: A Novel by Stephanie Knipper - Free Book Online Page B

homecoming. Besides, I took my exams early.”
    Of course she did. Jealousy swallows me. I should be graduating next Saturday. Instead, I dropped out in the middle of my last semester.
    “Do you think she remembers me?” Lily rocks gently as she talks. Antoinette looks comfortable with her.
    “I’m sure she does,” I say, though I don’t know. The nurses at the NICU know my daughter better than I do.
    Lily starts singing. Not a real song. She strings numbers together to the tune of the alphabet song.
    “You’re home for the summer?” I ask. In spite of the envy I feel as I watch how easily she interacts with my daughter, Lily is my touchstone. I am strong when she is here.
    She curls around Antoinette. Her long dark hair swings forward, screening her face. “I’m taking summer courses this year. I’ll be home for the garden show, but then I’m going back to school.” There’s a slight tremor to her voice, and when she looks up, her eyes are red.
    I am about to ask her what’s wrong, when Mom and Dad rush into the kitchen. Lily hands me Antoinette and slips away.
    “I thought I heard you,” Mom says. “Did you have any problems? Are you okay?” She holds me by the shoulders, examining me as if I might have a heart attack right here in the kitchen. She’s aged in the past two months. Frown lines stretch across her brow.
    I want to reach for Lily, but the worry in Mom’s eyes holds me here. “I’m fine,” I say, though my heart tumbles through my chest, and I see black spots before my eyes.
    “You’re sure?” Dad hides his concern better than Mom, but I see anxiety in the way he holds his hands perfectly still.
    I look around them, trying to see Lily, but she has disappeared. I force a smile and turn back to my parents. “Positive.” I am lying.
    LATER THAT NIGHT, I sit on the edge of my bed, peering into Antoinette’s crib. Is she breathing? I place my hand under her nose. I don’t feel anything. Panic stings my throat. Then I feel a warm puff against my hand, and I relax.
    Lily sleeps in the twin bed closest to the door. I have always slept under the window. Her soft snores fill the room. The familiar sound helps me breathe easier.
    Our room is still a large square box. The walls are still painted faded rose; the floor is still scarred where Lily and I carved our initials into the soft wood beneath our beds. But Antoinette’s crib changes everything.
    I tiptoe across the room and sit on the side of Lily’s bed. I never got to ask her what was bothering her earlier in the day. After Mom and Dad came in, she slipped out to the garden and stayed there until after dinner.
    “Lily?” I nudge her shoulder.
    She groans. “What’s wrong?” she asks, without opening her eyes.
    “Can I get in?” I crawl beneath her covers before she answers. As a child, Lily would slip into my bed at night when she didn’t want to go to school the next day.
    Funny how our roles have reversed.
    She makes room for me, and I roll onto my side so that I can see her face. Lily is tall and dark. The exact opposite of me.
    “Why were you upset earlier?” I ask. Her eyes are still puffy, and I know it’s not from sleep.
    She is fully awake now. “It’s nothing,” she says. “Is Antoinette sleeping?”
    I don’t want to talk about Antoinette. I want to pretend we’re teenagers again, sharing secrets. “I know you. You don’t cry easily.”
    “I cried a lot when you were in the hospital,” she says. She rolls over on her back. Her lips move, and I know she’s counting.
    I cried then too, but I don’t say so. I used to be the one who comforted her. Now that I need her comfort, I don’t know how to act.
    “Seth broke up with me,” she finally says. “That’s why I’m taking summer courses. I can’t be on the farm, knowing he’s next door.”
    Whatever I was expecting, it wasn’t that. Seth and Lily have been together for so long that I think of them as one person. SethandLily. “Why?” She must have