Read Online The Orphan of Awkward Falls by Keith Graves - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Keith Graves
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mad jumble of pipes, valves, and gauges reminiscent of theboiler room of a steamship. A workbench crowded with beakers and glass tubes from neglected experiments extended along one wall.
The only part of the lab that was even remotely clean was a steel table in the center. There, under the lightbulb, was the most grotesque thing Josephine had ever seen in her life (though that record would fall in less than twenty-four hours). It was a dead animal, its organs exposed.
“Is that the weasel you were talking about?” she asked, feeling one of her own organs lurch sideways at the sight.
“Yes, this is Coco. She belongs to the widow Gladstone.” Thaddeus snapped on surgical gloves. He had to stand on a chair to reach the work area. “I think the beast is looking rather good, considering.”
“Considering?” The mess of fur, bone, and gristle looked hideous.
“Considering it was hit by a speeding Zamboni at the ice rink a week ago,” he said.
“But isn’t it…dead?”
“Obviously.”
“So how can you fix something that’s already dead?”
“I use a microwave oven, of course,” he said, as if only an idiot would ask such a thing. He licked a spot of chocolate off his top lip. “The widow Gladstone is our best customer. We repaired her Chihuahua when it fell off the roof last year, then a month later, her parakeet flew into a fan. She’s particularly hard on her animals.”
“You mean people pay you to fix their dead pets?”
“Yes, and a good thing, too. The Hibble fortune is not what it once was, and we need cash. After our success with Felix, Norman suggested we offer the same service to others. He is very entrepreneurial, for a robot.”
“Wait, who’s Felix?”
“See for yourself,” Thaddeus said. “Here he is now.”
The same scruffy, mismatched cat Josephine had seen earlier strolled into the lab, carrying something in its mouth. It hopped up onto the worktable and dropped what looked like a dead rat in front of the boy.
“A fine specimen, Felix.” Thaddeus poked at the rodent’s half-flattened carcass. “It looks like the tires missed most of the useful parts. The digestive system should be of adequate size.”
“I aim to please,” said the cat.
Josephine recoiled in shock.
“Whatsamatta, girly?” the cat said, in a gritty voice straight out of a gangster movie. “Never seen a talkin’ cat before?”
“Y-you can talk!” She couldn’t believe what she was seeing and hearing.
“What a bright kid,” he said. “You oughta go on a game show or somethin’.”
Thaddeus scratched the animal’s bat ear. “Impressive beast, isn’t he? Felix is my greatest achievement so far.”
“You did this? You made a cat talk?”
Thaddeus nodded proudly. “Norman assisted, of course.”
“That’s amazing! You’re like some kind of mad scientist.”
Thaddeus did not think this was funny. “I am well versed in the sciences, Josephine, but I assure you I am perfectly sane. My work on Felix was an act of compassion. He’d be deceased now if I hadn’t repaired him.”
“The kid’s tellin’ you straight,” said the cat. “I had a little run-in with a pair of honkin’ big pit bulls who nearly ate me for lunch a couple years ago. I was down for the count when the boss and ol’ Rusty over there came along and saved my hide.”
“Norman and I were out on an errand and discovered him just in time.” Thaddeus paced casually as he talked, clearly enjoying the chance to brag. “We brought him back to the lab and repaired his parts, where feasible, and replaced the bits that were too badly mangled to fix. Not an easy task, mind you, but a noble one, if I may say so. He’s quite handsome now, don’t you think?’”
Handsome
was not the word Josephine was thinking of. “I’ve never seen anything like him. But how’d you manage the talking part?”
Thaddeus rolled his eyes as if a toddler had just asked how a rocket engine works. “Let’s just say I made certain
The only part of the lab that was even remotely clean was a steel table in the center. There, under the lightbulb, was the most grotesque thing Josephine had ever seen in her life (though that record would fall in less than twenty-four hours). It was a dead animal, its organs exposed.
“Is that the weasel you were talking about?” she asked, feeling one of her own organs lurch sideways at the sight.
“Yes, this is Coco. She belongs to the widow Gladstone.” Thaddeus snapped on surgical gloves. He had to stand on a chair to reach the work area. “I think the beast is looking rather good, considering.”
“Considering?” The mess of fur, bone, and gristle looked hideous.
“Considering it was hit by a speeding Zamboni at the ice rink a week ago,” he said.
“But isn’t it…dead?”
“Obviously.”
“So how can you fix something that’s already dead?”
“I use a microwave oven, of course,” he said, as if only an idiot would ask such a thing. He licked a spot of chocolate off his top lip. “The widow Gladstone is our best customer. We repaired her Chihuahua when it fell off the roof last year, then a month later, her parakeet flew into a fan. She’s particularly hard on her animals.”
“You mean people pay you to fix their dead pets?”
“Yes, and a good thing, too. The Hibble fortune is not what it once was, and we need cash. After our success with Felix, Norman suggested we offer the same service to others. He is very entrepreneurial, for a robot.”
“Wait, who’s Felix?”
“See for yourself,” Thaddeus said. “Here he is now.”
The same scruffy, mismatched cat Josephine had seen earlier strolled into the lab, carrying something in its mouth. It hopped up onto the worktable and dropped what looked like a dead rat in front of the boy.
“A fine specimen, Felix.” Thaddeus poked at the rodent’s half-flattened carcass. “It looks like the tires missed most of the useful parts. The digestive system should be of adequate size.”
“I aim to please,” said the cat.
Josephine recoiled in shock.
“Whatsamatta, girly?” the cat said, in a gritty voice straight out of a gangster movie. “Never seen a talkin’ cat before?”
“Y-you can talk!” She couldn’t believe what she was seeing and hearing.
“What a bright kid,” he said. “You oughta go on a game show or somethin’.”
Thaddeus scratched the animal’s bat ear. “Impressive beast, isn’t he? Felix is my greatest achievement so far.”
“You did this? You made a cat talk?”
Thaddeus nodded proudly. “Norman assisted, of course.”
“That’s amazing! You’re like some kind of mad scientist.”
Thaddeus did not think this was funny. “I am well versed in the sciences, Josephine, but I assure you I am perfectly sane. My work on Felix was an act of compassion. He’d be deceased now if I hadn’t repaired him.”
“The kid’s tellin’ you straight,” said the cat. “I had a little run-in with a pair of honkin’ big pit bulls who nearly ate me for lunch a couple years ago. I was down for the count when the boss and ol’ Rusty over there came along and saved my hide.”
“Norman and I were out on an errand and discovered him just in time.” Thaddeus paced casually as he talked, clearly enjoying the chance to brag. “We brought him back to the lab and repaired his parts, where feasible, and replaced the bits that were too badly mangled to fix. Not an easy task, mind you, but a noble one, if I may say so. He’s quite handsome now, don’t you think?’”
Handsome
was not the word Josephine was thinking of. “I’ve never seen anything like him. But how’d you manage the talking part?”
Thaddeus rolled his eyes as if a toddler had just asked how a rocket engine works. “Let’s just say I made certain
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