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Authors: Grant Jerkins
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accidents.”
“—is used by three major makers on eleven models. We’ve looked into this. You know this already. The clear topcoat has been in use since ninety-nine. Do you have any idea how many cars that works out to? Millions. Tens of millions, maybe. Without a witness, we only have the physical evidence. We onlyhave the pool of matching red cars to direct us. You have any idea how many red cars are on the road at any given time?”
“No, I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, but we are still trying. We are still looking. But don’t get your hopes up. It’s cold now. At least that’s the way I see it. All I can do is be honest with you.”
Poole handed the papers back to Edgar and bid him a good day.
25
RECTANGLES OF WHITE LIGHT
The scenic coastal highway used to calm him, but these days Edgar mostly avoided it whenever he could. His car now sat parked on the shoulder of the highway, engine running, hazard lights blinking. It was dark now. He had been here several hours.
He sat and counted cars.
The paper on his lap was crowded with slash marks. One column, the one designated
All Others
, had hundreds, perhaps a thousand slashes. The column headed
Red
had perhaps an eighth of that number.
Edgar closed his eyes for a moment, and a car passing by pushed rectangles of white light across his face. He could see the light, magnified through his eyeglasses and filtered red through his closed eyelids. Edgar remembered Judy. In the carwith Judy.
Eyes on the road, please
, she had said. He noticed now how the light from the oncoming car was fleshly red, warm and welcoming like Judy, then white and accusatory.
His eyes snapped open as another car passed. He marked it down on his chart.
26
YOU’RE ONLY AS SICK
AS YOUR SECRETS
The old Chevy Malibu sat parked at the far reaches of the parking lot. Two faded and peeling bumper stickers adorned the rust-mottled bumper.
Easy Does It.
And
Let Go and Let God
.
There were two women in the car. Dressed for comfort in a white nylon jogging suit, Martha sat behind the wheel and watched the entrance of the Shoney’s restaurant through a pair of binoculars. These weren’t ordinary binoculars. Martha had paid a considerable amount for them. These were Zeiss FL Victory with Water Proof Roof Prism. The binoculars had an 8.0-degree angle of view. The catalog stated that the Zeiss was ideally suited for stalking and field ornithology. There were no birds out tonight.
“But you’ve only been sober six months now. It’s not a contest,dear. Besides, for many of us, the ninth step is the hardest one. The eighth and the ninth go hand in hand. Make a list of all the people you’ve harmed and then make amends to those people wherever possible.”
“I’m stuck on the last item on my list,” Helen said.
“The drunk driving accident.”
Martha sat up a little straighter and focused the binoculars. A little potbellied balding man and a teenage boy exited the restaurant. From Martha’s body language, Helen could tell that these were the ones Martha had been waiting on. They looked like any typical father and son to Helen. Out for their big night at Shoney’s. They climbed into a white Chevrolet Equinox and drove away. Martha started her Malibu and followed.
“The accident. The hit-and-run,” Helen said. “And are you ready to tell me what exactly we are doing?”
“I’ll explain later. I want to know what’s eating at you.”
Helen frowned. “I want to work the steps. And I want to work them right. I don’t know how to make amends.”
“Well, what’s the problem, dear? So you bent somebody’s fender. Admit it to them. Pay for the repair work. Tell them you’re sorry. You will be shocked at how forgiving people can be when you’re forthright with them. When you are truly trying to make amends.”
Helen didn’t respond.
“You’re making too big a deal out of it. Building it up in your mind. It’s not like you killed someone.”
Still, Helen remained silent.
“—is used by three major makers on eleven models. We’ve looked into this. You know this already. The clear topcoat has been in use since ninety-nine. Do you have any idea how many cars that works out to? Millions. Tens of millions, maybe. Without a witness, we only have the physical evidence. We onlyhave the pool of matching red cars to direct us. You have any idea how many red cars are on the road at any given time?”
“No, I don’t know.”
“I’m sorry, but we are still trying. We are still looking. But don’t get your hopes up. It’s cold now. At least that’s the way I see it. All I can do is be honest with you.”
Poole handed the papers back to Edgar and bid him a good day.
25
RECTANGLES OF WHITE LIGHT
The scenic coastal highway used to calm him, but these days Edgar mostly avoided it whenever he could. His car now sat parked on the shoulder of the highway, engine running, hazard lights blinking. It was dark now. He had been here several hours.
He sat and counted cars.
The paper on his lap was crowded with slash marks. One column, the one designated
All Others
, had hundreds, perhaps a thousand slashes. The column headed
Red
had perhaps an eighth of that number.
Edgar closed his eyes for a moment, and a car passing by pushed rectangles of white light across his face. He could see the light, magnified through his eyeglasses and filtered red through his closed eyelids. Edgar remembered Judy. In the carwith Judy.
Eyes on the road, please
, she had said. He noticed now how the light from the oncoming car was fleshly red, warm and welcoming like Judy, then white and accusatory.
His eyes snapped open as another car passed. He marked it down on his chart.
26
YOU’RE ONLY AS SICK
AS YOUR SECRETS
The old Chevy Malibu sat parked at the far reaches of the parking lot. Two faded and peeling bumper stickers adorned the rust-mottled bumper.
Easy Does It.
And
Let Go and Let God
.
There were two women in the car. Dressed for comfort in a white nylon jogging suit, Martha sat behind the wheel and watched the entrance of the Shoney’s restaurant through a pair of binoculars. These weren’t ordinary binoculars. Martha had paid a considerable amount for them. These were Zeiss FL Victory with Water Proof Roof Prism. The binoculars had an 8.0-degree angle of view. The catalog stated that the Zeiss was ideally suited for stalking and field ornithology. There were no birds out tonight.
“But you’ve only been sober six months now. It’s not a contest,dear. Besides, for many of us, the ninth step is the hardest one. The eighth and the ninth go hand in hand. Make a list of all the people you’ve harmed and then make amends to those people wherever possible.”
“I’m stuck on the last item on my list,” Helen said.
“The drunk driving accident.”
Martha sat up a little straighter and focused the binoculars. A little potbellied balding man and a teenage boy exited the restaurant. From Martha’s body language, Helen could tell that these were the ones Martha had been waiting on. They looked like any typical father and son to Helen. Out for their big night at Shoney’s. They climbed into a white Chevrolet Equinox and drove away. Martha started her Malibu and followed.
“The accident. The hit-and-run,” Helen said. “And are you ready to tell me what exactly we are doing?”
“I’ll explain later. I want to know what’s eating at you.”
Helen frowned. “I want to work the steps. And I want to work them right. I don’t know how to make amends.”
“Well, what’s the problem, dear? So you bent somebody’s fender. Admit it to them. Pay for the repair work. Tell them you’re sorry. You will be shocked at how forgiving people can be when you’re forthright with them. When you are truly trying to make amends.”
Helen didn’t respond.
“You’re making too big a deal out of it. Building it up in your mind. It’s not like you killed someone.”
Still, Helen remained silent.
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