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Authors: Sarah Long
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said, ‘with a few drops of rosemary to help build brain cells. I rub
it all over my body and scalp before I exercise. And the moment I wake, I programme myself to admire everything so that every new day provides something beautiful.’
With Roland’s funds at his disposal, it would be easy to find beauty, thought Jane. The only ugly thing Jeremy had to encounter each morning was Roland’s bloated body lying in bed
beside him.
‘Next I do aerobics and yoga before I shower. I floss three times a day and once a month I hang the enema bag on the bathroom door, run the hosepipe up my bottom and do a handstand.
Wonderful clear-out.’
‘Ugh!’ said Jane before she could stop herself.
Jeremy looked at her in surprise. ‘Just basic body management, darling. You need to look at your body as a business and the organs as executives. They each have job descriptions you know,
and hang on to emotional memory. Especially the thalamus.’
‘The what?’
He ignored her. ‘The heart and liver need a lot of nourishment and motivation. I pay them special attention in my morning meditation. You need to nurture yourself to heal yourself.
That’s why I’m never ill. Plus I only buy organic’
Yes, it would be easy to stay healthy when you led such a spoilt and pampered life.
He seemed to read her thoughts. ‘But my number-one tip is, get yourself a nice rich man and the rest will follow.’ He blew a kiss to Roland who grunted in acknowledgement as he
filled his glass to the rim. He was grateful to Jeremy for providing floozy glamour, it was just what he needed after a hard day in his study.
Jane did her best through dinner, helped along by Ossian who seemed amused by her account of her daily life, egging her on for details, asking her to talk him through the
school run. She couldn’t help wondering if he was taking the piss.
‘Hey, Bella,’ said the model, who had eaten nothing all night. ‘I really like your curtains. That is just so cool, blankets held back with leather belts.’
Bella leaped up to finger them and demonstrate their authentic roughness. ‘Belgian surplus army blankets. And the belts are from Cap Kids.’ She shrugged. ‘Simple ideas are
always the best.’
‘I absolutely agree,’ said Twirly. it’s a hard and fast rule in my novels. Particularly in my latest where I had the rather straightforward notion of twins separated at birth
who then meet up . . .’
‘Green tea, anyone?’ Bella cut him off quickly. Writers could be terribly dull; clearly it had been a mistake to invite three at one sitting. Actors were so much better value,
dishing up hilarious theatrical anecdotes instead of droning on about their dreary books.
Jane declined the tea, to her hostess’s surprise.
‘Would you prefer a tisane? Or raspberry leaf?
Ayurvedic?’
‘No thanks. Have you got any coffee?’
Jane’s request was met with the astonishment you might expect if you asked for Class A drugs at a prayer meeting.
‘Let me see,’ said Bella, getting over the shock, ‘I think one of my au pairs bought some last week . . . yes, here we are.’ She searched in a cupboard and brought out a
packet of instant-cappuccino sachets as though she were holding a filled nappy sack.
‘One of your au pairs, how many have you got?’ asked Jane, then immediately wished she hadn’t. How mumsy was that, to show an interest in the home help? ‘Just two.
Work it out, instead of paying a fortune for a nanny, you get two nice girls for a pittance each, they share a room and have each other for company and you have twenty-four-hour cover. I
can’t think why more people haven’t cottoned on.’
Afterwards, they moved across the sitting area, where Roland spilt wine over the Moroccan throw and passed out in a large snoring heap. Will went off to the loo with the model
in order to ‘talk to Charlie’. Which left Jeremy centre-stage to talk about his latest therapy.
‘It seems that Sudden Wealth Syndrome is quite
it all over my body and scalp before I exercise. And the moment I wake, I programme myself to admire everything so that every new day provides something beautiful.’
With Roland’s funds at his disposal, it would be easy to find beauty, thought Jane. The only ugly thing Jeremy had to encounter each morning was Roland’s bloated body lying in bed
beside him.
‘Next I do aerobics and yoga before I shower. I floss three times a day and once a month I hang the enema bag on the bathroom door, run the hosepipe up my bottom and do a handstand.
Wonderful clear-out.’
‘Ugh!’ said Jane before she could stop herself.
Jeremy looked at her in surprise. ‘Just basic body management, darling. You need to look at your body as a business and the organs as executives. They each have job descriptions you know,
and hang on to emotional memory. Especially the thalamus.’
‘The what?’
He ignored her. ‘The heart and liver need a lot of nourishment and motivation. I pay them special attention in my morning meditation. You need to nurture yourself to heal yourself.
That’s why I’m never ill. Plus I only buy organic’
Yes, it would be easy to stay healthy when you led such a spoilt and pampered life.
He seemed to read her thoughts. ‘But my number-one tip is, get yourself a nice rich man and the rest will follow.’ He blew a kiss to Roland who grunted in acknowledgement as he
filled his glass to the rim. He was grateful to Jeremy for providing floozy glamour, it was just what he needed after a hard day in his study.
Jane did her best through dinner, helped along by Ossian who seemed amused by her account of her daily life, egging her on for details, asking her to talk him through the
school run. She couldn’t help wondering if he was taking the piss.
‘Hey, Bella,’ said the model, who had eaten nothing all night. ‘I really like your curtains. That is just so cool, blankets held back with leather belts.’
Bella leaped up to finger them and demonstrate their authentic roughness. ‘Belgian surplus army blankets. And the belts are from Cap Kids.’ She shrugged. ‘Simple ideas are
always the best.’
‘I absolutely agree,’ said Twirly. it’s a hard and fast rule in my novels. Particularly in my latest where I had the rather straightforward notion of twins separated at birth
who then meet up . . .’
‘Green tea, anyone?’ Bella cut him off quickly. Writers could be terribly dull; clearly it had been a mistake to invite three at one sitting. Actors were so much better value,
dishing up hilarious theatrical anecdotes instead of droning on about their dreary books.
Jane declined the tea, to her hostess’s surprise.
‘Would you prefer a tisane? Or raspberry leaf?
Ayurvedic?’
‘No thanks. Have you got any coffee?’
Jane’s request was met with the astonishment you might expect if you asked for Class A drugs at a prayer meeting.
‘Let me see,’ said Bella, getting over the shock, ‘I think one of my au pairs bought some last week . . . yes, here we are.’ She searched in a cupboard and brought out a
packet of instant-cappuccino sachets as though she were holding a filled nappy sack.
‘One of your au pairs, how many have you got?’ asked Jane, then immediately wished she hadn’t. How mumsy was that, to show an interest in the home help? ‘Just two.
Work it out, instead of paying a fortune for a nanny, you get two nice girls for a pittance each, they share a room and have each other for company and you have twenty-four-hour cover. I
can’t think why more people haven’t cottoned on.’
Afterwards, they moved across the sitting area, where Roland spilt wine over the Moroccan throw and passed out in a large snoring heap. Will went off to the loo with the model
in order to ‘talk to Charlie’. Which left Jeremy centre-stage to talk about his latest therapy.
‘It seems that Sudden Wealth Syndrome is quite
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