got mad; it was a jangling sort of noise inside my head that made my teeth ache. If I'd thought first, I would have known it was a stupid question. The Guardians didn't have anything to do with God; they wouldn't let me take them into a church—not that I went into one myself very often. That didn't mean they were bad, though; they just weren't Christian. I didn't dare ask Queeny what they were. She scared me a little, to be honest. Cu and Mocky would love me no matter what, but I had to be careful with her.
One day, as I was getting ready to go to school, Cu asked me to take him along.
Yeah, sure.
“No way!” I laughed. Then: “Sorry, Cu, but you haven't come to school with me since first grade! Too babyish! What's up?”
“I like to be near you,” Cu said, low and mournful. “I know you don't really need me anymore, but . . .”
I grabbed him and cuddled him close to my chest: my baby-toy, my sleepy-time doggie, my coo-coo Cu, and said, “Of course I need you, I'll always need you—don't ever leave me, any of you!”
“Oh, my dearie, you'll have much finer horses than me when you're married—a whole stableful. Proper horses you can really ride, not like little me,” said Mocky. “And you won't miss raggedy old Cu when you've got the finest hunting hounds in the world.”
They'd never talked like this before.
“I'll always love you-all the best, no matter what. Don't you know that?” I looked Cu right in his soft, furry face. “Promise me you'll never leave me—promise!”
“I'll never leave you of my own will,” said Cu, the faithful hound. “I'm yours forever.”
“Mocky?”
The little purple pony gave a deep chuckle. “I'd die for you, my deario, if you asked it. And if you ask me to live, why, I'll do that, too.”
“Queeny? What about you?” I had to ask, but I felt nervous.
“You won't be needing me much longer,” said Queeny, and her voice sounded different, farther away already.
“But what if I want you to stay?”
“You won't want me when you're married.”
“What if I do?”
“I can't go with you to your husband's house.” There was no arguing with that tone.
“OK, then, but as long as I'm not married, you'll stay with me?”
“I will.”
So that was OK, since I didn't plan to get married, ever. I would be like my mother and just have a daughter someday, to keep me company.
I went off to school as usual, and did the usual sorts of things until it was time to go home on the bus. It was one of the days when I didn't have any after-school activity, which meant I would get home before Mom. Whenever this happened, I went next door to the Stahlmanns.
Ray and Regina Stahlmann didn't have kids, but Regina didn't have a regular job. She went all over the state, buying and selling at flea markets and collectors' fairs at weekends; but during the week she was home every day, and she always seemed really happy to see me.
I liked going there. Regina collected dolls and old-fashioned toys, and even though you weren't supposed to play with them, she let me look at them. She made delicious snacks, plus there were the dogs, Pancho and Cisco.
This particular day, though, was different. As soon as I got off the bus and walked over to their house I saw that Regina's red station wagon was missing from the garage, and Ray's shiny black pickup truck was parked on the driveway. It winked at me beneath the dazzling sun, and dangerous black animals raced through my head: sharks, panthers, spiders, snakes.
But that was just stupid. Ray was OK. I didn't feel as comfortable with him as I did with Regina, but I liked him fine. For an old guy, he was good-looking, with thick, dark brown hair, well-muscled arms, and a flashing grin. His chocolate-brown eyes were just like the eyes of his sweet-natured mongrel dogs.
Thinking about the dogs made up my mind, and I marched on up to their front porch like nothing was wrong.
The front door was open. I looked through the dark wire mesh of the
One day, as I was getting ready to go to school, Cu asked me to take him along.
Yeah, sure.
“No way!” I laughed. Then: “Sorry, Cu, but you haven't come to school with me since first grade! Too babyish! What's up?”
“I like to be near you,” Cu said, low and mournful. “I know you don't really need me anymore, but . . .”
I grabbed him and cuddled him close to my chest: my baby-toy, my sleepy-time doggie, my coo-coo Cu, and said, “Of course I need you, I'll always need you—don't ever leave me, any of you!”
“Oh, my dearie, you'll have much finer horses than me when you're married—a whole stableful. Proper horses you can really ride, not like little me,” said Mocky. “And you won't miss raggedy old Cu when you've got the finest hunting hounds in the world.”
They'd never talked like this before.
“I'll always love you-all the best, no matter what. Don't you know that?” I looked Cu right in his soft, furry face. “Promise me you'll never leave me—promise!”
“I'll never leave you of my own will,” said Cu, the faithful hound. “I'm yours forever.”
“Mocky?”
The little purple pony gave a deep chuckle. “I'd die for you, my deario, if you asked it. And if you ask me to live, why, I'll do that, too.”
“Queeny? What about you?” I had to ask, but I felt nervous.
“You won't be needing me much longer,” said Queeny, and her voice sounded different, farther away already.
“But what if I want you to stay?”
“You won't want me when you're married.”
“What if I do?”
“I can't go with you to your husband's house.” There was no arguing with that tone.
“OK, then, but as long as I'm not married, you'll stay with me?”
“I will.”
So that was OK, since I didn't plan to get married, ever. I would be like my mother and just have a daughter someday, to keep me company.
I went off to school as usual, and did the usual sorts of things until it was time to go home on the bus. It was one of the days when I didn't have any after-school activity, which meant I would get home before Mom. Whenever this happened, I went next door to the Stahlmanns.
Ray and Regina Stahlmann didn't have kids, but Regina didn't have a regular job. She went all over the state, buying and selling at flea markets and collectors' fairs at weekends; but during the week she was home every day, and she always seemed really happy to see me.
I liked going there. Regina collected dolls and old-fashioned toys, and even though you weren't supposed to play with them, she let me look at them. She made delicious snacks, plus there were the dogs, Pancho and Cisco.
This particular day, though, was different. As soon as I got off the bus and walked over to their house I saw that Regina's red station wagon was missing from the garage, and Ray's shiny black pickup truck was parked on the driveway. It winked at me beneath the dazzling sun, and dangerous black animals raced through my head: sharks, panthers, spiders, snakes.
But that was just stupid. Ray was OK. I didn't feel as comfortable with him as I did with Regina, but I liked him fine. For an old guy, he was good-looking, with thick, dark brown hair, well-muscled arms, and a flashing grin. His chocolate-brown eyes were just like the eyes of his sweet-natured mongrel dogs.
Thinking about the dogs made up my mind, and I marched on up to their front porch like nothing was wrong.
The front door was open. I looked through the dark wire mesh of the
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