Read Online The Mourning Woods - 03 by Rick Gualtieri - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Rick Gualtieri
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blonde.”
“Yeah, and I look like Johnny Depp,” I countered.
“You might look more like him if you let Alfonzo give you a make over.”
“I’ll pass on the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy treatment for now. I think we have more pressing matters to discuss.”
“Fine. Pull up a chair, but can you let Alfonzo back in first?”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because if I wind up with streaks in my hair, you aren’t going to live long enough to let a Sasquatch kill you.”
The Dude with the Crazy Eyes
I don’t know why I ever bother talking to Sally. It almost never makes me feel better. Well OK, the sight of her cleavage often makes me feel better, but it’s superficial compared to the pounding migraines I usually end up with.
Case in point, as the coven’s newest recruit continued to minister to her hair - with more care than I’ve seen parents show to a newborn - Sally blithely told me about how she pretty much knew everything I had come over to talk about. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised.
“You know about the special envoy they’re sending?”
“Of course,” she replied. “I keep tabs with Boston.”
“And you didn’t tell me because...”
“As I said, I’ve been stressed. It slipped my mind.”
“Well, did you know we’re going to be having company, as in company that just so happens to use magic and wants me dead?”
“Yep, heard that too. Pity they’re going to be under a flag of truce, otherwise I’d say it’d be a good opportunity to make them disappear.” She said this last part conversationally, her eyes closing as Alfonzo continued to work her scalp. “Oh, and before you ask, yes I know that your roommates are coming too.”
“Boston knows about that ?” I asked. Were the assholes spying on me now?
“No, but let’s face facts, they follow you everywhere . It’s like you live with two lost puppies. Speaking of which, remind Ed to bring his shotgun...just to be on the safe side.”
“I’ll remind him to bring a box of condoms and some penicillin too... just to be on the safe side .”
She sniffed at the dig. Some months back, Ed had asked Sally out. She had agreed, much to my surprise. They hadn’t gone on a second date, but I suspected that had a little to do with the fact that I completely freaked out upon learning of the first one. Since then, they had both asked about each other a few times, leading me to believe there was probably some unfinished business between them. Truth be told, I wasn’t jealous of them developing a relationship. Well OK, I wasn’t that jealous. Don’t get me wrong. If given the opportunity, I’d happily bang Sally. You just don’t say “no” to a piece of ass that fine. Nevertheless, I had my sights set elsewhere. I was more against their relationship out of fear for Ed. Sally is the femme fatale that James Bond has nightmares about. If the mood struck her, she could use Ed, break him, and then treat him like a Happy Meal without a second thought.
“Just make sure Tom leaves at least some of his stupidity at home,” she said, changing the subject away from Ed.
“As if that’s even possible,” I replied with a grin.
* * *
I found myself back at the loft on Saturday. Boston had informed Sally that preparations were nearly finished. Our “guest” would be arriving that night to fill us in on the details. As we were also informed that the information we were about to be imparted with was for our ears only (our? I guess knowledge of Sally as my silent partner wasn’t as silent as I thought), we decided to meet at the loft. It was easy enough to tell the rest of the coven to find somewhere else to be for the night. Sally also didn’t want to meet at the office and run the risk of having to shut down her precious hotline. God forbid the city be allowed one night where its people weren’t being harvested like cattle.
I arrived
“Yeah, and I look like Johnny Depp,” I countered.
“You might look more like him if you let Alfonzo give you a make over.”
“I’ll pass on the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy treatment for now. I think we have more pressing matters to discuss.”
“Fine. Pull up a chair, but can you let Alfonzo back in first?”
“Why?” I asked.
“Because if I wind up with streaks in my hair, you aren’t going to live long enough to let a Sasquatch kill you.”
The Dude with the Crazy Eyes
I don’t know why I ever bother talking to Sally. It almost never makes me feel better. Well OK, the sight of her cleavage often makes me feel better, but it’s superficial compared to the pounding migraines I usually end up with.
Case in point, as the coven’s newest recruit continued to minister to her hair - with more care than I’ve seen parents show to a newborn - Sally blithely told me about how she pretty much knew everything I had come over to talk about. Somehow, I wasn’t surprised.
“You know about the special envoy they’re sending?”
“Of course,” she replied. “I keep tabs with Boston.”
“And you didn’t tell me because...”
“As I said, I’ve been stressed. It slipped my mind.”
“Well, did you know we’re going to be having company, as in company that just so happens to use magic and wants me dead?”
“Yep, heard that too. Pity they’re going to be under a flag of truce, otherwise I’d say it’d be a good opportunity to make them disappear.” She said this last part conversationally, her eyes closing as Alfonzo continued to work her scalp. “Oh, and before you ask, yes I know that your roommates are coming too.”
“Boston knows about that ?” I asked. Were the assholes spying on me now?
“No, but let’s face facts, they follow you everywhere . It’s like you live with two lost puppies. Speaking of which, remind Ed to bring his shotgun...just to be on the safe side.”
“I’ll remind him to bring a box of condoms and some penicillin too... just to be on the safe side .”
She sniffed at the dig. Some months back, Ed had asked Sally out. She had agreed, much to my surprise. They hadn’t gone on a second date, but I suspected that had a little to do with the fact that I completely freaked out upon learning of the first one. Since then, they had both asked about each other a few times, leading me to believe there was probably some unfinished business between them. Truth be told, I wasn’t jealous of them developing a relationship. Well OK, I wasn’t that jealous. Don’t get me wrong. If given the opportunity, I’d happily bang Sally. You just don’t say “no” to a piece of ass that fine. Nevertheless, I had my sights set elsewhere. I was more against their relationship out of fear for Ed. Sally is the femme fatale that James Bond has nightmares about. If the mood struck her, she could use Ed, break him, and then treat him like a Happy Meal without a second thought.
“Just make sure Tom leaves at least some of his stupidity at home,” she said, changing the subject away from Ed.
“As if that’s even possible,” I replied with a grin.
* * *
I found myself back at the loft on Saturday. Boston had informed Sally that preparations were nearly finished. Our “guest” would be arriving that night to fill us in on the details. As we were also informed that the information we were about to be imparted with was for our ears only (our? I guess knowledge of Sally as my silent partner wasn’t as silent as I thought), we decided to meet at the loft. It was easy enough to tell the rest of the coven to find somewhere else to be for the night. Sally also didn’t want to meet at the office and run the risk of having to shut down her precious hotline. God forbid the city be allowed one night where its people weren’t being harvested like cattle.
I arrived
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