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considering what to tell us. ‘She’s
very skilled in bed. A great kisser. Wonderful with her hands. And
she works a strap-on like nobody’s business.’
    I’d been taking
a sip of my drink, and nearly spat it out.
    ‘She what?’ I
said. ‘You mean you actually do that? I thought one of the
advantages of fucking girls was that you didn’t have to put up with
dicks in at least part of your life?’
    Kelly turned to
me. ‘That’s a little bit retroactive, isn’t it, Bree? You’re always
on about how important it is for people to express their sexuality
however they need to.’
    ‘Yeah, but do
we have to do that by aping heterosexual people?’
    ‘Ooh, how very
seventies of you. Perhaps we shouldn’t be having sex at all, what
with it being an expression of power over another person and
all.’
    ‘That’s not
what I meant and you know it, Kelly.’
    The
conversation was good-natured enough, but I was losing ground, and
worse, starting to look like a bit of an idiot. In front of Sabina.
I wished I’d kept my mouth shut.
    ‘It just seems
so…unoriginal. Boring. You know, half the time the first thing
straight people ask when they find out I’m into girls is whether we
all use dildos on each other. Because they can’t possibly imagine
sex being satisfying, or even “real sex” without a penis being
involved somehow. And that’s the whole porn thing happening as
well, you know, ‘ooh, we’re fucking each other with a strap-on
while we wait for you to come to us with your big manly penis.’
Strap-on sex is passé. There’s so much we can do to and with each
other but there’s so much focus on that that now even dykes are
obsessed with it.’
    ‘So now you’re
the arbiter of what’s passé? Ms
Vans-sneakers-are-never-out-of-fashion?’
    ‘Fuck off,
Renee.’
    ‘Oh, come on.
I’m just amused. You! Thinking stuff is passé! Who’d have
thought?’
    ‘Have you ever
been fucked with a strap-on cock, Bree?’
    The speaker was
Kelly again, but I looked across the table and met Sabina’s eye.
She was watching me intently.
    ‘No. But it
hasn’t really captured my imagination. It’s a little too straight
guy fantasy, isn’t it?’
    Sabina spoke
up. ‘Not at all. I don’t think straight guys ever fantasise about
real lesbians anyway. I think it gets less erotic for them when
they realise they’re not invited.’
    A laugh went up
around the table, and I smiled gratefully at Sabina for defusing
the situation and making me feel a little less under fire. She
smiled back, eyes twinkling.
    ‘Maybe your
problem with strap-on sex, Bree, is that you haven’t met the right
girl to show you the ropes.’
    ‘Or the straps,
as it were,’ Renee interjected.
    ‘Yeah, maybe
that’s it!’ said Lou, eager that both the situation was diffused
and that we were off the topic of her suddenly controversial sex
life, even if it wasn’t her causing the controversy.
    ‘What? Oh, come on .’ We weren’t here to discuss my nonexistent sex life,
especially not in front of Sabina. I was supposed to look
mysterious and alluring in front of her, damn it.
    The twinkle in
Sabina’s eyes set off a slight smirk on her lips, and she leaned
forward over the table.
    ‘I bet if you
found the right person, someone who knew what she was doing, you
might change your mind. Perhaps you just need someone to show you
the way.’ Her eyes held mine in her magnetic gaze, which wasn’t
even broken by Kelly’s snort of ‘Hang on, are we talking about
fucking or religion here?’
    ‘Yeah, maybe,’
I said, and looked away. I didn’t want to look away, but I was
getting rather uncomfortable with everyone else around, and didn’t
dare even hope that Sabina was saying what I thought she might be
saying.
    The rest of the
evening passed without controversy, and I managed to get slightly
buzzed without tipping over the brink into outright drunkenness.
The only other person who managed that, I noticed, was Sabina; Lou,
Kelly and Renee were