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Authors: Jack Vance
Tags: SF
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Apollon Zamp; this is my marvelous showboat Miraldra’s Enchantment . We have voyaged up the Lant to bring you one of our unparalleled entertainments.
“Tonight we plan a program which for sheer grandeur may never be surpassed in the long and glorious history of Port Whant!
“Citizens! Tonight we present not one, not two, but a three-part program, each part of supreme elegance. First: the Birdmen, or so they call themselves, for they literally seem to fly through the air. Gravity is no more to them than dirt to a chicken; they leap, they plunge, they hurtle and somersault with grace and aplomb. Secondly, we plan to perform a mischievous little trifle, still totally decorous and nonprovocative, entitled The Love-ways of Far Climes and Far Times . I suggest, ladies and gentlemen, that you will be amazed by these absolutely authentic customs — but, naturally, it is all in good fun; our girls wear pale green and pale blue and are merely playing saucy jokes. If anyone considers such a program offensive or suggestive, please communicate with me, and we will substitute an equally amusing alternate piece. Third, and the high point of the evening: that famous drama of hate and passion and woe Evulsifer ! You will experience poignant realism; you will witness the betrayal of a king, a palace orgy, the death of a traitor in its grisly actuality: a program to edify and instruct the discriminating folk of Port Whant!
“For this grandiose entertainment are we demanding a vast and unreasonable sum? By no means! A single groat per person allows participation in this moving experience. So then! In one hour let us have the entire population of Port Whant here at the dock! Time for all to go home, to spread the news to friend and neighbor, to bring all the family aboard our wonderful showboat!”
Zamp raised his hand; the orchestra played a fanfare. “In one hour then this gangplank will conduct you into a world of colored lights and wonderful happenings! Thank you, my friends, for your attention!” Zamp bowed and swept his plumed hat to the deck. The Whants muttered to each other, and presently departed the dock.
“An odd group!” Zamp told Bonko. “They seem bloodless and apathetic, as if just risen from their death-beds.”
“What says the River Index ?” asked Bonko.
“The Whants are described as a fiery folk, quick to resent insult. These Whants act as if they had been converted to a religion of abnegation and piety.”
“Here comes an old man; why not put the question to him?”
Zamp inspected the man approaching along the dock. “In all candor, I am reluctant to put any questions to anyone for fear of provoking annoyance. Still, this man seems mild enough.”
Zamp descended to the dock and waited until the old man hobbled past. “Good afternoon, Grandfather; what is the news at Port Whant?”
“The news is as always,” stated the old man. “Murder, capture, defeat, and mischief. Why are you so concerned with our great tragedy?”
“Only so that my company may help assuage your grief,” was Zamp’s glib reply. Evidently even the oldsters could not be taken lightly. “Our drama Evulsifer may well purge your souls of useless emotion.”
“Easier said than done. Lop Loiqua is gone, the victim of treachery, and part of our souls are gone with him. Where will we find another to take his place; he who was known as the Scourge of the Vale? The arrival of your boat may well be an omen.”
“Such it is!” declared Zamp heartily. “An omen of entertainment, but no more!”
“Surely you would not think to dictate how we must read omens?”
“By no means! I only ventured to suggest —”
“Your suggestions are irrelevant; you know nothing of us and our habits.”
“I agree with all you say; my only intent is to ensure your good opinion of myself.”
The old man turned on his heel and limped away, only to pause after a few steps and look back over his shoulder. “I will only say this, that your
“Tonight we plan a program which for sheer grandeur may never be surpassed in the long and glorious history of Port Whant!
“Citizens! Tonight we present not one, not two, but a three-part program, each part of supreme elegance. First: the Birdmen, or so they call themselves, for they literally seem to fly through the air. Gravity is no more to them than dirt to a chicken; they leap, they plunge, they hurtle and somersault with grace and aplomb. Secondly, we plan to perform a mischievous little trifle, still totally decorous and nonprovocative, entitled The Love-ways of Far Climes and Far Times . I suggest, ladies and gentlemen, that you will be amazed by these absolutely authentic customs — but, naturally, it is all in good fun; our girls wear pale green and pale blue and are merely playing saucy jokes. If anyone considers such a program offensive or suggestive, please communicate with me, and we will substitute an equally amusing alternate piece. Third, and the high point of the evening: that famous drama of hate and passion and woe Evulsifer ! You will experience poignant realism; you will witness the betrayal of a king, a palace orgy, the death of a traitor in its grisly actuality: a program to edify and instruct the discriminating folk of Port Whant!
“For this grandiose entertainment are we demanding a vast and unreasonable sum? By no means! A single groat per person allows participation in this moving experience. So then! In one hour let us have the entire population of Port Whant here at the dock! Time for all to go home, to spread the news to friend and neighbor, to bring all the family aboard our wonderful showboat!”
Zamp raised his hand; the orchestra played a fanfare. “In one hour then this gangplank will conduct you into a world of colored lights and wonderful happenings! Thank you, my friends, for your attention!” Zamp bowed and swept his plumed hat to the deck. The Whants muttered to each other, and presently departed the dock.
“An odd group!” Zamp told Bonko. “They seem bloodless and apathetic, as if just risen from their death-beds.”
“What says the River Index ?” asked Bonko.
“The Whants are described as a fiery folk, quick to resent insult. These Whants act as if they had been converted to a religion of abnegation and piety.”
“Here comes an old man; why not put the question to him?”
Zamp inspected the man approaching along the dock. “In all candor, I am reluctant to put any questions to anyone for fear of provoking annoyance. Still, this man seems mild enough.”
Zamp descended to the dock and waited until the old man hobbled past. “Good afternoon, Grandfather; what is the news at Port Whant?”
“The news is as always,” stated the old man. “Murder, capture, defeat, and mischief. Why are you so concerned with our great tragedy?”
“Only so that my company may help assuage your grief,” was Zamp’s glib reply. Evidently even the oldsters could not be taken lightly. “Our drama Evulsifer may well purge your souls of useless emotion.”
“Easier said than done. Lop Loiqua is gone, the victim of treachery, and part of our souls are gone with him. Where will we find another to take his place; he who was known as the Scourge of the Vale? The arrival of your boat may well be an omen.”
“Such it is!” declared Zamp heartily. “An omen of entertainment, but no more!”
“Surely you would not think to dictate how we must read omens?”
“By no means! I only ventured to suggest —”
“Your suggestions are irrelevant; you know nothing of us and our habits.”
“I agree with all you say; my only intent is to ensure your good opinion of myself.”
The old man turned on his heel and limped away, only to pause after a few steps and look back over his shoulder. “I will only say this, that your
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