her own? More disturbed than I am myself? She puts her wineglass down on the table and moves up to sit next to me.Her mouth is set into a grim line, her forehead creased. Her eyes are dark, glittering.
I just nod my head, the extent of her anger seeming to drain some of my own.
âLook, Bettina. You canât let this guy control who you are. Do you understand? You cannot let him win.â
âI havenât, not entirely. Itâs affected me. But I havenât allowed that one experience to dictate who I am. Iâve still dated, had sex. I just havenâtâ¦really had intense passion for anyone. But maybe I havenât met the right person. Or maybe I havenât been ready. I donât know.â
She is so close to me I can feel the heat coming off her skin. How can I feel this way talking about what happened to me, about that night that scarred me. Fucking impossible. But I canât help it. And this moment is all about Audrey, about opening myself to her, not about that asshole, as she says. Maybe this is what she means. And I realize I feel an enormous sense of relief, even more than I did when I told my therapist about the incident. Maybe itâs knowing that sheâs been through it, too. I feel closer to her, some sort of kinship.
âGood,â she says, nodding. âYou canât let that experience define who you are. You canât let it control what you do.â
âI donât think I have. Not entirely. But these guysâ¦itâs never beenâ¦important to me. Iâve never really been into it. I do better with my vibrator,â I tell her, then feel heat creep into my cheeks.
She smiles wryly. âDonât we all? Nothing to be ashamed about, hon, we all do it. No one knows your body better than you do.â She pauses, licks her lips. âExcept maybe another woman.â
I nearly jump out of my skin, my pulse racing. Her words have switched a gear in my brain so suddenly my head is spinning.
âDo I shock you, Bettina?â Sheâs watching me, her gaze steady, her voice low. âI donât think so.â
I shake my head. I canât speak.
âI turned to women after that first experience,â she says. âI needed that softness.â She reaches out and strokes my hair from my face, and I go hot all over, desire a thrumming pulse between my thighs. âDonât you ever need that?â she asks, her tone so low I can barely hear her. âDonât you ever crave that gentle touch? That safety?â
I swallow hard. âYes. I thinkâ¦I do.â
And itâs true. Somehow, I feel that it might be healing for me. I imagine her soft hands on me, and I am back to that simmering state of lust instantly.
âDo you want that with me, Bettina?â
It comes out on a whisper, my throat closing up, tight with need. âYes.â
She smiles. âI was hoping youâd say that.â And she leans in and kisses me.
CHAPTER FOUR
Audreyâs mouth is soft and silky as butter, her tongue sweet with the wine. And I sit frozen for several moments, my body blazing with need, paralyzed with it. Then my hands come up and I bury them in her hair, as Iâve been wanting to do since I first saw her, I realize from a distance. She sighs into my mouth, and we slip back together on the bed.
Her body is delicate next to mine, but her kiss is powerful, taking me over. I feel as if I am in some sort of dream state. This canât really be happening. But my body knows itâs real. My nipples are so hard they hurt, my sex pulsing, damp, and I arch into her without thinking about what Iâm doing.
Her arms are around me, and she holds me as tight as any man, tighter maybe, her full breasts crushed against mine. I can feel the hard points of her nipples, and I shift until our nipples are aligned. Desire flares like heat lightning in my belly, spreads outward, until I am weak with it.
I have a moment of
I just nod my head, the extent of her anger seeming to drain some of my own.
âLook, Bettina. You canât let this guy control who you are. Do you understand? You cannot let him win.â
âI havenât, not entirely. Itâs affected me. But I havenât allowed that one experience to dictate who I am. Iâve still dated, had sex. I just havenâtâ¦really had intense passion for anyone. But maybe I havenât met the right person. Or maybe I havenât been ready. I donât know.â
She is so close to me I can feel the heat coming off her skin. How can I feel this way talking about what happened to me, about that night that scarred me. Fucking impossible. But I canât help it. And this moment is all about Audrey, about opening myself to her, not about that asshole, as she says. Maybe this is what she means. And I realize I feel an enormous sense of relief, even more than I did when I told my therapist about the incident. Maybe itâs knowing that sheâs been through it, too. I feel closer to her, some sort of kinship.
âGood,â she says, nodding. âYou canât let that experience define who you are. You canât let it control what you do.â
âI donât think I have. Not entirely. But these guysâ¦itâs never beenâ¦important to me. Iâve never really been into it. I do better with my vibrator,â I tell her, then feel heat creep into my cheeks.
She smiles wryly. âDonât we all? Nothing to be ashamed about, hon, we all do it. No one knows your body better than you do.â She pauses, licks her lips. âExcept maybe another woman.â
I nearly jump out of my skin, my pulse racing. Her words have switched a gear in my brain so suddenly my head is spinning.
âDo I shock you, Bettina?â Sheâs watching me, her gaze steady, her voice low. âI donât think so.â
I shake my head. I canât speak.
âI turned to women after that first experience,â she says. âI needed that softness.â She reaches out and strokes my hair from my face, and I go hot all over, desire a thrumming pulse between my thighs. âDonât you ever need that?â she asks, her tone so low I can barely hear her. âDonât you ever crave that gentle touch? That safety?â
I swallow hard. âYes. I thinkâ¦I do.â
And itâs true. Somehow, I feel that it might be healing for me. I imagine her soft hands on me, and I am back to that simmering state of lust instantly.
âDo you want that with me, Bettina?â
It comes out on a whisper, my throat closing up, tight with need. âYes.â
She smiles. âI was hoping youâd say that.â And she leans in and kisses me.
CHAPTER FOUR
Audreyâs mouth is soft and silky as butter, her tongue sweet with the wine. And I sit frozen for several moments, my body blazing with need, paralyzed with it. Then my hands come up and I bury them in her hair, as Iâve been wanting to do since I first saw her, I realize from a distance. She sighs into my mouth, and we slip back together on the bed.
Her body is delicate next to mine, but her kiss is powerful, taking me over. I feel as if I am in some sort of dream state. This canât really be happening. But my body knows itâs real. My nipples are so hard they hurt, my sex pulsing, damp, and I arch into her without thinking about what Iâm doing.
Her arms are around me, and she holds me as tight as any man, tighter maybe, her full breasts crushed against mine. I can feel the hard points of her nipples, and I shift until our nipples are aligned. Desire flares like heat lightning in my belly, spreads outward, until I am weak with it.
I have a moment of
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