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Authors: Andria Williams
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me.”
“As if I weren’t even there.”
“I wouldn’t let him ‘paw’ all over me whether you were there or not.”
“He looked at you the whole night.”
“He was
drunk,
” she said.
“Fine,” Paul said, nodding. “Fine, he was drunk. But you could have put space between the two of you. You could have come over and sat by me.”
“I just sat where my name card was. It said, ‘Mrs. Collier.’ He came and sat beside
me
.”
“Is the name card some kind of higher authority?”
“I couldn’t offend Mrs. Richards; she put it there. And if he sat down and I instantly got up and moved away, transplanting someone else’s name card—that would have caused a scene.”
Paul looked away. “You two caused a scene as it was,” he said.
She could feel the wall he was trying to build up; it was her job to knock it down while it was still in progress. She threw caution to the wind, took his hand in two of her own, kneading it. Laced her fingers through his larger, knobby knuckles and tried to get him to look her in the eye. “Listen,” she said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was going to get that…sloppy. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.”
“And why did you say that thing about the
little, tiny CR-1
? You made it sound like I come home and tell you how small and meaningless it is.”
He in fact had done this, the first day, but Nat knew now was not the time to insist. “I’m so sorry about that. I was just trying to smooth things over after Mr. Harbaugh’s outburst, and I put my foot in my mouth.”
“It wasn’t your job to smooth things over. Let him be a fool; keep your own composure.”
“It’s an impulse with women—we hate to see men embarrass themselves. I can’t explain it. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not.”
“Good,” she said quietly. She lifted a hand and brushed it over the top of his head, feeling his short, bristly hair. She had never known him outside the army and had no idea what his hair was like if it weren’t shaved to his head. Was it thick? Would it curl? She’d seen it only this way, dark and stiff as a currycomb.
“I think I made a mistake,” he said. “Coming here. Switching jobs. Moving you and the girls to the middle of nowhere.”
“It’s not the middle of nowhere. There’s a new J.C. Penney’s.”
“And nothing else for a hundred miles,” he said.
She shrugged. This was true. Despite its weak aspirations toward suburban life, Idaho Falls remained mostly open space, flatness, hardened lava, and vultures that circled over the road like the last thing you might ever see.
“We’ll be fine,” she said. “It’s a two-year tour. Then you can go someplace else if you like.”
His eyes darted her way. “You mean
we
can go someplace else.”
“Yes. That’s what I meant.”
“All right.” He closed his eyes. “This whole tour just isn’t turning out like I expected. I thought—I thought everything would be better than it is. The people, the reactor. I was kind of looking forward to it, and now I feel like if we can just survive this tour and make it out of here, that’ll be enough.”
Nat felt a squeeze of anxiety. “You don’t mean what Mr. Harbaugh was saying, do you—about the reactor?”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Well, was he telling the truth?”
Paul smiled grimly. “The reactor’s not exactly newfangled, I’ll give him that. And the leadership is not…attentive.”
“Paul, I don’t want to hear that! It makes me nervous.”
“We’ll make it work. We always do. Certainly won’t help anything if you worry.”
“Well, now I
am
going to worry.”
“We can make it two years.”
She nodded.
“Just help me out by keeping away from my boss, all right?” he said.
“You don’t need to worry about
that
.”
He studied her in that opaque way he had. Then she saw a flicker of fondness work through his eyes, the softening that meant thank God, she had officially won. No
“As if I weren’t even there.”
“I wouldn’t let him ‘paw’ all over me whether you were there or not.”
“He looked at you the whole night.”
“He was
drunk,
” she said.
“Fine,” Paul said, nodding. “Fine, he was drunk. But you could have put space between the two of you. You could have come over and sat by me.”
“I just sat where my name card was. It said, ‘Mrs. Collier.’ He came and sat beside
me
.”
“Is the name card some kind of higher authority?”
“I couldn’t offend Mrs. Richards; she put it there. And if he sat down and I instantly got up and moved away, transplanting someone else’s name card—that would have caused a scene.”
Paul looked away. “You two caused a scene as it was,” he said.
She could feel the wall he was trying to build up; it was her job to knock it down while it was still in progress. She threw caution to the wind, took his hand in two of her own, kneading it. Laced her fingers through his larger, knobby knuckles and tried to get him to look her in the eye. “Listen,” she said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was going to get that…sloppy. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him.”
“And why did you say that thing about the
little, tiny CR-1
? You made it sound like I come home and tell you how small and meaningless it is.”
He in fact had done this, the first day, but Nat knew now was not the time to insist. “I’m so sorry about that. I was just trying to smooth things over after Mr. Harbaugh’s outburst, and I put my foot in my mouth.”
“It wasn’t your job to smooth things over. Let him be a fool; keep your own composure.”
“It’s an impulse with women—we hate to see men embarrass themselves. I can’t explain it. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not.”
“Good,” she said quietly. She lifted a hand and brushed it over the top of his head, feeling his short, bristly hair. She had never known him outside the army and had no idea what his hair was like if it weren’t shaved to his head. Was it thick? Would it curl? She’d seen it only this way, dark and stiff as a currycomb.
“I think I made a mistake,” he said. “Coming here. Switching jobs. Moving you and the girls to the middle of nowhere.”
“It’s not the middle of nowhere. There’s a new J.C. Penney’s.”
“And nothing else for a hundred miles,” he said.
She shrugged. This was true. Despite its weak aspirations toward suburban life, Idaho Falls remained mostly open space, flatness, hardened lava, and vultures that circled over the road like the last thing you might ever see.
“We’ll be fine,” she said. “It’s a two-year tour. Then you can go someplace else if you like.”
His eyes darted her way. “You mean
we
can go someplace else.”
“Yes. That’s what I meant.”
“All right.” He closed his eyes. “This whole tour just isn’t turning out like I expected. I thought—I thought everything would be better than it is. The people, the reactor. I was kind of looking forward to it, and now I feel like if we can just survive this tour and make it out of here, that’ll be enough.”
Nat felt a squeeze of anxiety. “You don’t mean what Mr. Harbaugh was saying, do you—about the reactor?”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Well, was he telling the truth?”
Paul smiled grimly. “The reactor’s not exactly newfangled, I’ll give him that. And the leadership is not…attentive.”
“Paul, I don’t want to hear that! It makes me nervous.”
“We’ll make it work. We always do. Certainly won’t help anything if you worry.”
“Well, now I
am
going to worry.”
“We can make it two years.”
She nodded.
“Just help me out by keeping away from my boss, all right?” he said.
“You don’t need to worry about
that
.”
He studied her in that opaque way he had. Then she saw a flicker of fondness work through his eyes, the softening that meant thank God, she had officially won. No
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