pushing my buttons. Look, I know it's a Freudian thing with you guys, but do we have to talk about my childhood? What happened in the Sargasso has nothing to do with my father. That was seventeen years ago. I'm a totally different person."
"Maybe. But everyone handles trauma in different ways. Some people repress or block out painful childhood memories that affect us subconsciously on a daily basis throughout our adult years. The near- death experience you suffered in the Sargasso Sea could have forced these childhood memories back to the surface."
"So what do I do now?"
"Discussing your past can often help resolve these conflicts. Do you still feel hatred toward your father?"
"Hatred? Not hatred. More like disappointment. Angus wasn't much of a father. He never let up on me… never. Always badgering, teasing. Scared the shit out of me when he was drunk. And always playing his stupid mind games. I remember one time, when I was six, my mother bought me one of those Rubik's Cubes. I must have worked that damn puzzle all day and night until I was able to master it. I remember running to my father, you know, looking for his approval. You'd think he'd be slightly impressed, maybe offer me a pat on the head. Not ball-buster Angus. First he accused me of cheating, then he challenged me to a Rubik's Cube duel. Now I knew I had him. Well, I worked that puzzle like a demon, rearranging the colored panels in their proper order in only seventeen minutes, a personal record. To my amazement, it took Angus only four minutes to finish, it just blew me away. For the next several weeks he'd berate me about it, making me feel inferior, until finally I figured out how the drunken bastard did it."
"How did he do it?"
"He cheated, of course. Never moved a block, he merely peeled away the stickers and restuck them in order."
Dr. Baydo grinned.
"You think that's funny?"
"You have to admit, he's resourceful."
"Try having him as your father."
"There's no excuse for his behavior, but let's try looking at things from Angus's perspective. Here's a man who never finished high school, trying to keep pace with his precocious six-year-old son, a boy genius in the making."
"He never saw me that way. I was nothing more than his runt. And being clever doesn't justify his constant drunkenness, or his cheating on my mother."
"He committed adultery?"
"Only every chance he got. Live for the moment, deal with the consequences later, that was my father."
"You caught him doing this?"
"Several times, including …" I paused, realizing I'd stepped in it again.
"Go on."
"Forget it."
He sat and waited for me to continue.
"It was on my ninth birthday. Angus bought me a new fishing rod, only later I found out he'd actually won it in a dart game. Anyway, he told me to meet him at the Loch, promising me he'd take me out in our rowboat after he grabbed a cup of coffee. So I waited. An hour went by and it was getting dark, so I left the boat and went looking for him.
"There was a campsite nearby. I heard noises coming from a tent. As I came closer, I could hear someone moaning inside. So I peeked through the tent flaps."
"He was with another woman?"
"A girl, the brunette from the coffee shop, and she wasn't a day over sixteen. She was on top of him, totally naked, pumping up and down like one of those bobblehead dolls. Her back was to me, but I could see Angus lying there on the ground, a stupid grin on his face, drunk as a lord."
"What did you do?"
"I was mad. Bad enough he blew off my birthday, but to be cheating again on my mother? I pulled up the stakes and collapsed the tent, but the two of them just giggled and continued humping one another. So I left. I marched straight back down to the Loch and went fishing by myself."
"And that's the night you nearly drowned?"
"Did drown."
"What happened? What caused your boat to flip?"
"It was a tree. Bottom of the Loch's covered with them. Compressed gases build up inside the trunks. When the pressure
"Maybe. But everyone handles trauma in different ways. Some people repress or block out painful childhood memories that affect us subconsciously on a daily basis throughout our adult years. The near- death experience you suffered in the Sargasso Sea could have forced these childhood memories back to the surface."
"So what do I do now?"
"Discussing your past can often help resolve these conflicts. Do you still feel hatred toward your father?"
"Hatred? Not hatred. More like disappointment. Angus wasn't much of a father. He never let up on me… never. Always badgering, teasing. Scared the shit out of me when he was drunk. And always playing his stupid mind games. I remember one time, when I was six, my mother bought me one of those Rubik's Cubes. I must have worked that damn puzzle all day and night until I was able to master it. I remember running to my father, you know, looking for his approval. You'd think he'd be slightly impressed, maybe offer me a pat on the head. Not ball-buster Angus. First he accused me of cheating, then he challenged me to a Rubik's Cube duel. Now I knew I had him. Well, I worked that puzzle like a demon, rearranging the colored panels in their proper order in only seventeen minutes, a personal record. To my amazement, it took Angus only four minutes to finish, it just blew me away. For the next several weeks he'd berate me about it, making me feel inferior, until finally I figured out how the drunken bastard did it."
"How did he do it?"
"He cheated, of course. Never moved a block, he merely peeled away the stickers and restuck them in order."
Dr. Baydo grinned.
"You think that's funny?"
"You have to admit, he's resourceful."
"Try having him as your father."
"There's no excuse for his behavior, but let's try looking at things from Angus's perspective. Here's a man who never finished high school, trying to keep pace with his precocious six-year-old son, a boy genius in the making."
"He never saw me that way. I was nothing more than his runt. And being clever doesn't justify his constant drunkenness, or his cheating on my mother."
"He committed adultery?"
"Only every chance he got. Live for the moment, deal with the consequences later, that was my father."
"You caught him doing this?"
"Several times, including …" I paused, realizing I'd stepped in it again.
"Go on."
"Forget it."
He sat and waited for me to continue.
"It was on my ninth birthday. Angus bought me a new fishing rod, only later I found out he'd actually won it in a dart game. Anyway, he told me to meet him at the Loch, promising me he'd take me out in our rowboat after he grabbed a cup of coffee. So I waited. An hour went by and it was getting dark, so I left the boat and went looking for him.
"There was a campsite nearby. I heard noises coming from a tent. As I came closer, I could hear someone moaning inside. So I peeked through the tent flaps."
"He was with another woman?"
"A girl, the brunette from the coffee shop, and she wasn't a day over sixteen. She was on top of him, totally naked, pumping up and down like one of those bobblehead dolls. Her back was to me, but I could see Angus lying there on the ground, a stupid grin on his face, drunk as a lord."
"What did you do?"
"I was mad. Bad enough he blew off my birthday, but to be cheating again on my mother? I pulled up the stakes and collapsed the tent, but the two of them just giggled and continued humping one another. So I left. I marched straight back down to the Loch and went fishing by myself."
"And that's the night you nearly drowned?"
"Did drown."
"What happened? What caused your boat to flip?"
"It was a tree. Bottom of the Loch's covered with them. Compressed gases build up inside the trunks. When the pressure
Similar Books
