pulled his pants down and drove himself into me. “Isabel, you’re mine, right? Tell me you’re mine. Tell me you’ll never leave me. I can’t give you all this. I am afraid that even if I spent my whole life trying, I could never give you what you’re used to having.”
“I’m yours. Only yours. I don’t care about anything else! I only love you. You’re all I need.”
“What do you do when you’re here with them every day? They look at you. They want you. Do you tell them that you’re mine?”
He pumped harder and harder, rocking me back and forth, lifting me up and crashing me down on him. He leaned his head on my shoulder and bit me. Two pain points. Two pleasure points. I was confused.
He shuddered violently and caressed my face when it was all over. I clung to him as he emptied himself inside of me.
“Issy, I can’t take you being here like this when I’m not around. Can you help me out with this? Maybe take a little break from this until I’m more comfortable with it?” he muttered.
“Jess, I promise I won’t tie my shirt up anymore. I’ll wear normal loose-fitting clothes over my britches if that’s what’s bothering you,” I answered, still trying to make sense of what he meant.
“No, it’s more than that. I don’t think I can take knowing that everyone is watching you compete.”
I never showed up for the regionals. I backed out of the competition altogether. I wanted to prove to Jesse that these were merely small spaces in me that he could easily fill. I cried for two weeks after we sold Pepe to a little girl who had big dreams of training for the Olympics. I couldn’t compare Jesse to a pet, an animal. No one ever wanted me like Jesse did. I would give up anything and everything to be with him.
Our senior year of high school came and went, with Jesse and I trying to spend as much time together as we could. I had no other activities now, so I would spend my time waiting for him to let me know what the plans were for the upcoming weekends. My mother and I were as close as we had ever been. Our roles had shifted and I was the one hellbent on taking care of her. She was fragile and sensitive and hurt and angry all the time. Her boyfriend worked long hours and never seemed to be able to give her the attention that she needed. It remained a known fact that she was heavily medicated on her prescription pills, but when she was lucid, she seemed like a normal person.
Jesse spent many hours over at our home and became part of our family. Everything with Jesse was a plan, a goal, and I was happy to assume that I would be a part of the end prize, no matter what it was. He was awarded the baseball scholarship he tried out for and was going to attend a local university in the city. I applied to a few colleges and decided to become an Economics major. There was nothing that I wanted more than to go to the same school as him.
Evie was seriously dating someone much older than her named Seth. He was a professional dancer and not exactly someone my family wanted to see her end up with. Alicia was in a relationship with a guy who was in the same class as Jesse. We sometimes triple dated, but even that was quite a rarity. The guys were just such different characters that my sisters and I never really wanted to force the issue of getting them all together. Alicia was also very secretive and went over to Carter’s house quite often. No one wanted to stay at our house more than necessary, because of the volatile situation we were all tiptoeing around between my mother and her boyfriend.
Alicia continued to be an honor student and was set to graduate Magna Cum Laude at our high school. She also applied at the same school that Jesse was accepted to for a different specialty in the same Engineering field. Whereas my grades were average, I didn’t really try that hard and spent more time writing poems and letters to Jesse than taking my studies seriously.
One month before
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