Read Online The Lesser Blessed by Richard van Camp - Free Book Online Page A

three that made it back to the bag?”
    “Humph. I don’t know. Jed never told me that part.”
    “Better find out.”
    We were quiet for a bit. Then he spoke.
    “Lare, that’s something. That’s really something. You’re a storyteller, man. Your voice even changed when you talked.”
    “Yeah?” I asked, proud of the moment and the revelation. That was the first time I had told the story and I liked how it felt.
    “Larry?” Johnny said. “Do you drink?”
    “Oh,” I said, “I had a bet going with my dad that I wouldn’t touch a drop of liquor until I turned eighteen. He said he’d give me a hundred bucks if I make it.”
    “Where is your dad?” he asked.
    “Oh ... uh, I don’t know. He and my mom split up. It was a bad scene.”
    “Yeah, ” he said, “I know what you mean. Shit city, hey?”
    “Hunh,” I agreed. “How come you?”
    “Long story, man. It sucks the cockaruski.”
    “Aaah, come on.”
    “I’ll say this,” he said. “I have a feeling if I picked up a bottle, I’d never put it down.”
    I nodded. “Deep.”
    “It’s casual, man. You only bet a hundred dollars with your old man?”
    “I was nine when I made that bet. At the time, a hundred bucks was a hunk of a hunk.”
    “Sounds good. I should get that deal going with Donny.”
    Johnny lit a joint and handed it to me, looking at my lips. I got nervous, so I asked, “What do you think of Miss Sauvé’s tits?”
    “Don’t matter to me,” he winked. “The kind of fucking I do, you don’t need tits.”
    I started to laugh, and he pointed to my lips.
    “Time for a shave.”
    “What?”
    “Time for a shave there, muskrat mouth. You look like Charles Manson.”
    “You figure?”
    “Yeah, look. Juliet’s coming over in a bit. You better shave before she gets here. Maybe she’ll bring a friend. Go in the bathroom and shave that fuzz off your lip.”
    “I never shaved before.”
    “Well, it ain’t that hard. Go on!”
    I felt the whiskers on my lip and agreed. I walked to his bathroom. “Use my electric!” he yelled. I locked the door and saw dirty towels, toothpaste spitting out of the tube and yellowed Q-Tips lying on the counter.
    The doors under the sink were hard to open so I yanked. They gave. It was the weirdest thing; behind some blue Tampax boxes androlls of toilet paper, I saw some bottles. I moved the boxes aside, and there were two big-ass bottles of Golden Wedding.
    “Holy shit,” I whispered. What if Donny got a hold of these?
    I thought of Johnny saying, “That’s one woman you’ll never want to meet” about his mom. Looking at those two bottles, I suddenly knew why.
    “House of Pain” began on the stereo. I was a bit nervous because of what I had found. I shut the cupboard door and continued with my search. I couldn’t find an electric razor, so I used a pink one lying on the side of the tub. I could hear the buzzer go off in the hallway. That meant that someone was downstairs in the lobby and wanted to come up. I ran the water and squirted some shaving cream into my hand. I put the lather on my lips, under my nose, on my cheek and in my sideburns. I grabbed the razor. Resting it on my chin, I yanked up, just like in the movies, and sliced my nostril.
    “Shit!” I hissed. I started bleeding in the cream. I pushed down on the blade the next time for traction and I screamed some more. Shit! What was I doing wrong? The next time, I pulled the razor down my lip. That seemed to be smoother. I shaved my sideburns too, and then I dried my face on a white towel, leaving a blur of blood behind. I looked into the mirror. My upper lip was red and blotchy, and it was swelling up like a worm about ready to burst. My sideburns itched and my face was starting to feel like it was on fire. I put some after-shave on. My face burned even more, and I whimpered like a puppy. The music stopped, and I heard Johnny start it up again. I looked at myself again in the mirror.
    “Shit,” I said. “Juliet.”
    I