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needed to be firm with Charlie. She didn’t want him regressing into babyhood. She needed him to be stronger so she could be strong too.
    â€˜I’m worried about you,’ Rick said once they were back in the living room. He had adopted a softer tone. Elle’s behaviour was confusing him and he hadn’t yet worked out how to deal with it.
    â€˜I’m not happy, Rick,’ she said.
    She was surprised at how calm that statement was. Her life had been broken into pieces, her beliefs ground to dust and blown away by the same winds that had carried her screams across the Mersey. She couldn’t stop thinking of the pain her mum must have gone through and how she must have felt when she discovered that her marriage was a sham.
    Elle was faced with a choice. She could let those thoughts weigh her down as she trudged from one day to the next, or she could learn from it. Rick had locked her in a gilded cage and taught her the songs to sing to make him happy. She felt herself pushing against the cage door, testing its resistance, testing her courage.
    â€˜You’ve just lost your dad, I know that, but at least you’re not running yourself ragged looking after him any more. He’s at peace now and you can get back to concentrating on your own family.’
    She shook her head in an effort to knock back the conflicting emotions. Her dad didn’t deserve to rest in peace. She wished he was still around so she could make him suffer more. He ought to be there so that the anger building up inside her could be directed at the person who deserved it most. But it was Rick she was looking at and she could almost feel sorry for him.
    â€˜It’s the future we should be focusing on now, not the past,’ he was telling her as her heart filled with loathing. ‘I know we agreed no more kids, but maybe it’s time to start thinking about having another baby.’
    Elle blinked away the shock. ‘
We
didn’t agree, Rick. It was
you
who didn’t want any more children. You can barely cope with one child in the house.’ She recalled how fraught those early days of parenthood had been. Rick hadn’t been comfortable sharing his wife and had stormed off on more than one occasion when she was too tired or preoccupied with the baby to pay him the attention he demanded. At the time she had seen it as a failing on her part and, determined as always to emulate her parents’ successful marriage, had tried to do better.
    â€˜I was worried that you were taking on too much,’ he said, seemingly convinced that if he spoke the lie with conviction she would be inclined to believe it. ‘But you’re more organized now, even if I do have to remind you to pick up Charlie once in a while. It’ll be good for you, Elle, and it might help Charlie too, give him a bit of responsibility helping out. We’ve had two funerals in two years, we could do with something to celebrate.’
    â€˜I’m not ready,’ Elle said. She was evading the issue and her weakness frustrated her. She jumped up for the second time that evening. ‘I’m making a coffee, do you want one?’
    â€˜Erm, yes, but then I want to have a proper talk.’
    She was standing at the door now, looking down on her husband. Her heart was pounding and her mouth dry as she willed herself to take back some control. ‘Me too,’ she said. ‘And by the way, since you messed up my night out with Angie, I’ve arranged to go out this weekend instead.’
    She didn’t wait for an answer but scurried out into the kitchen. She switched on the kettle and then held onto the work counter to steady herself. She hadn’t even spoken to Angie yet, the idea had just popped into her head. Elle wasn’t sure whether she was trying to assert some authority or was simply picking a fight. Either way, her exhilaration lasted only until Rick stormed into the kitchen.
    â€˜I don’t know what