Read Online The Jeeves Omnibus by P. G. Wodehouse - Free Book Online Page A

after what had occurred, he, Sir Roderick, was in grave error.’
    I buried the head in the hands.
    ‘Upon this –’
    ‘Yes, get it over, Jeeves. I can see what’s coming.’
    ‘Yes, sir. I agree with you that the whole affair has something of the dark inevitability of Greek tragedy. Upon this, his lordship, who had been an agitated auditor, gave vent to a startled exclamation and urged Mr Stoker to disclaim these words. It was his lordship’s view that Mr Stoker, having given his promise to purchase Chuffnell Hall, could not, as an honourable man, recede from his obligation. Upon Mr Stoker replying that he did not care what he had promised or what he had not promised and continuing to asseverate that not a penny of his money should be expended in the direction indicated, his lordship, I regret to say, became somewhat unguarded in his speech.’
    I moaned another bar or two. I knew what old Chuffy was capable of when his generous nature was stirred. I had heard him coaching his college boat at Oxford.
    ‘He ticked Stoker off?’
    ‘With considerable vigour, sir. Stating in an extremely candid manner his opinion of the latter’s character, commercial probity, and even appearance.’
    ‘That must have put the lid on it.’
    ‘It did appear to create a certain coldness, sir.’
    ‘And then?’
    ‘That terminated the distressing scene, sir. Mr Stoker returned to the yacht with Miss Stoker and Master Dwight. Sir Roderick has gone to secure accommodation for himself at the local inn. Lady Chuffnell is applying arnica to Master Seabury in his bedroom. His lordship, I believe, is taking the dog for a run in the west park.’
    I mused.
    ‘When all this happened, had Chuffy told Stoker he wanted to marry Miss Stoker?’
    ‘No, sir.’
    ‘Well, I don’t see how he can very well do it now.’
    ‘I fancy the announcement would not be cordially received, sir.’
    ‘They will have to meet by stealth.’
    ‘Even that will be a little difficult, sir. I should have mentioned that I chanced to be an auditor of a conversation between Mr and Miss Stoker, from the substance of which I gathered that it was the gentleman’s intention to keep Miss Stoker virtually in durance vile on board the yacht, not permitting her to go ashore during the remainder of their enforced stay in the harbour.’
    ‘But you said he didn’t know anything about the engagement.’
    ‘Mr Stoker’s motive in immuring Miss Stoker on the vessel is not to prevent her encountering his lordship, but to obviate any chance of her meeting you, sir. The fact that you embraced the young lady has convinced him that her affection for you has persisted since your parting in New York.’
    ‘You’re sure you really heard all this?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘How did you come to do that?’
    ‘I was conversing with his lordship at the moment on one side of a screen of bushes, when the conversation which I have described broke out on the other side. There was no alternative but to overhear Mr Stoker’s remarks.’
    I started visibly.
    ‘You were talking with Chuffy, did you say?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘And he heard all that, too?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘About me kissing Miss Stoker?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Did it seem to stir him up?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘What did he say?’
    ‘He mentioned something about scooping out your inside, sir.’
    I wiped the brow.
    ‘Jeeves,’ I said, ‘this calls for careful thought.’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Advise me, Jeeves.’
    ‘Well, sir, I think it might be judicious if you were to attempt to persuade his lordship that the spirit in which you embraced Miss Stoker was a purely brotherly one.’
    ‘Brotherly? You think I could get away with that?’
    ‘I fancy so, sir. After all, you are an old friend of the young lady. It would be quite understandable that you should bestow a kindly and dispassionate kiss upon her on learning of her betrothal to so close an intimate as his lordship.’
    I rose.
    ‘It may work, Jeeves. It is,