consternation, and then confusion – the best one-two-three psycho-punch. This is convincing because it makes you appear as though you are as much a victim of fraud as the librarian and everyone else involved. You’re just some innocent and meek scholar who had applied to get this permission, but only through distance correspondence. You assumed everything was copasetic. You never once imagined that someone would sink so low as to implicate you in some twisted joke, making you an unwitting accessory to attempted theft. Yes, this must be some kind of cruel joke played on you by some nasty colleague who is trying to jeopardize your bid for tenure. Start speaking more to yourself at this point, puzzling out who could have done this to you. Apologize profusely, but meanwhile maintaining that your apology is on behalf of some cretin who is trying to sabotage your illustrious and impeccable reputation. Express your disbelief that someone would resort to such infantile tactics – this is key since it casts the whole framework of the suspicion and accusation as patently absurd, thereby softening up the librarian to the idea of predictable reason. Ask the librarian for contact information since you are now explicitly committed to getting to the bottom of this, of locating the culprit and putting an end to this sorry act of fraud. Don’t ham it up too much, make it believable, which is to say truly believe that you have been unduly placed in the wrong by cruel and vindictive forces. Get it? This old trick is the ultimate suspicion buster, the old shared victimization gag. Sure, I’m actually on your side. Ha!”
“Doubtless, I have plenty of questions before I start--”
“I’ll field one now. Shoot,” he said, winking and making an obnoxious cliché gun with his thumb and index finger.
“Why not just find a sneaky way of bypassing the security system? Most books have that little magnetic strip inserted in the spine. With a small blade, and a delicate incision, it can be removed. After that, repairing it would be easy if one isn’t sloppy in mangling the text.”
“Hey, Gimaldi… That’s pretty shrewd of you,” he eagerly applauded, followed by his deflating evaluation, “but not foolproof.”
“When I was younger and foolish, I used to steal books from my public library.”
“Well, looks like you’re at the foot of the circle. However, listen, we’re not lifting Nancy Drew or your run-of-the-mill academic slop freely available on the shelves for any grubby undergrad to rifle through to make a term paper… The books we are trying to retrieve are behind the desk. In some cases, and at some libraries, you need special letters of permission to even see them. But, you knew that already… Weren’t you at the Vatican Library? They don’t just open it up for any schmuck… You need authorization and a personal invite.”
“Yes, of course. How foolish of me to make the parallel - “
“Well, hold on a second, Gimaldi… Don’t be too down on yourself. The boss’ books can occur anywhere: under librarian lock and key, in someone’s personal collection, on the shelves at the public library, in one of those big mega-chain bookstore-slash-kitschy coffee shops…anywhere books are. Some jobs will be easier to pull off than others.”
“Have you ever failed to retrieve a book, even with all your planning?”
“Once,” he said, his face suddenly darkening with clouds of memory. “The poor guy who had it in his possession went mad. I really blew it, but the circumstances... I suspect something was working to counter my efforts, some kind of nudge or attempt to plant the text, well... I... never mind… I’d rather not get into that morose tale, especially when we ought to be keeping sharp and the morale high. No sense swapping stories on past failures when we need to go about the business of successful reacquisition.”
And I left it at that, for now. Angelo would tell me one day…The story of Leo and the
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