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Authors: Jonathan Coe
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presence, how uncomfortable at the thought of having this husk of insensibility peeled back, revealing the softer, truer nature underneath. But she knew that it was in both their interests to persist.
‘When I said that I thought you’d gone away,’ she went on, ‘I meant that, you know, the funeral must be soon.’
‘Funeral?’ said Robert.
‘For – I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten her name…’
‘For Muriel, you mean?’
‘Yes. For Muriel.’
He shrugged, laughing uneasily. ‘Oh, I don’t think we’ll be making that much of a fuss over it,’ he said. ‘That would be a bit over the top, don’t you think?’
Taken aback for a moment, she mumbled: ‘Well, whatever you all think is… appropriate.’
‘I mean, when this has happened before,’ said Robert, ‘we haven’t bothered with a funeral or anything.’
‘This has happened before?’ she asked, horrified.
‘Twice, yes.’
‘Oh God, Robert, I just… don’t know what to say. That’s awful. To think that lives can be so… blighted, and yet –you carry on, somehow.’
‘Well, I must say, Muriel’s is the hardest to take.’ He sat forward, nearer to her, and rubbed his hands, warming them at the flame of her sympathy. ‘I was closest to her, I suppose.’
‘Yes, I can imagine.’
He allowed himself a nostalgic smile. ‘Every evening, you know, she used to come into my room, and she’d curl up on the bed next to me. I’d stroke her little head and… just talk to her. Talk to her for hours sometimes.’
‘That’s so sweet.’
‘In a way –’ he laughed now ‘– in a silly way, she knew me even better than my parents did. Certainly my father.’
‘They weren’t so fond of her, as you were?’
‘Well, he never took to Muriel, there’s no denying it.’ He sighed. ‘They rubbed each other up the wrong way. You know, silly little habits of hers used to annoy him.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘Well, he didn’t like the way she used to pee on the sitting-room carpet, for instance.’
Sarah took this information in slowly. A new picture was beginning to emerge: a child, dysfunctional in some way, and a family who had perhaps never learned to cope with her;perhaps never even learned to regard her as fully human. The situation was more painful, more tragic than she had first imagined. And now the real meaning of Robert’s earlier, puzzling remarks began to suggest itself.
‘Look, Robert,’ she said carefully. ‘What you said before, about a funeral being over the top – I do think it’s very important, you know, that your family… marks this death in some way.’
‘Well, I did talk with Dad last night on the phone, about –’ he grimaced ‘– disposing of her. I wanted to know if some sort of cremation was possible.’
‘And?’
‘He just laughed. Told me I was being pathetic. He said he was just going to dig a hole at the bottom of the garden and put her in a bin-liner. Like he did with the others.’
Sarah looked at Robert earnestly for a long time, and then said, with great care and emphasis: ‘But you think that’s wrong, don’t you? You know that it’s wrong.’
Robert nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, I do.’
‘Good.’ Sarah rose from the bed, now, and stood by the door. ‘OK, Robert, I’m finding this conversation… a little hard to cope with, and I’m going to go downstairs for a while. But I want you to think about what I said, and remember that, you know, however bad things have been, in your family, you can always talk to me about it. I’m always here.’
Just as she was leaving, they looked directly into each other’s eyes for the first time; and something happened then, some connection was made, just for a moment, before Sarah turned away and left the room, relieved to have gained the sanctuary of the corridor and to be heading safely out towards the clifftops and the autumn breeze. As he listened to her receding footsteps, Robert began to breathe again in long, uneven breaths.
He
‘When I said that I thought you’d gone away,’ she went on, ‘I meant that, you know, the funeral must be soon.’
‘Funeral?’ said Robert.
‘For – I’m sorry, I’ve forgotten her name…’
‘For Muriel, you mean?’
‘Yes. For Muriel.’
He shrugged, laughing uneasily. ‘Oh, I don’t think we’ll be making that much of a fuss over it,’ he said. ‘That would be a bit over the top, don’t you think?’
Taken aback for a moment, she mumbled: ‘Well, whatever you all think is… appropriate.’
‘I mean, when this has happened before,’ said Robert, ‘we haven’t bothered with a funeral or anything.’
‘This has happened before?’ she asked, horrified.
‘Twice, yes.’
‘Oh God, Robert, I just… don’t know what to say. That’s awful. To think that lives can be so… blighted, and yet –you carry on, somehow.’
‘Well, I must say, Muriel’s is the hardest to take.’ He sat forward, nearer to her, and rubbed his hands, warming them at the flame of her sympathy. ‘I was closest to her, I suppose.’
‘Yes, I can imagine.’
He allowed himself a nostalgic smile. ‘Every evening, you know, she used to come into my room, and she’d curl up on the bed next to me. I’d stroke her little head and… just talk to her. Talk to her for hours sometimes.’
‘That’s so sweet.’
‘In a way –’ he laughed now ‘– in a silly way, she knew me even better than my parents did. Certainly my father.’
‘They weren’t so fond of her, as you were?’
‘Well, he never took to Muriel, there’s no denying it.’ He sighed. ‘They rubbed each other up the wrong way. You know, silly little habits of hers used to annoy him.’
‘What sort of things?’
‘Well, he didn’t like the way she used to pee on the sitting-room carpet, for instance.’
Sarah took this information in slowly. A new picture was beginning to emerge: a child, dysfunctional in some way, and a family who had perhaps never learned to cope with her;perhaps never even learned to regard her as fully human. The situation was more painful, more tragic than she had first imagined. And now the real meaning of Robert’s earlier, puzzling remarks began to suggest itself.
‘Look, Robert,’ she said carefully. ‘What you said before, about a funeral being over the top – I do think it’s very important, you know, that your family… marks this death in some way.’
‘Well, I did talk with Dad last night on the phone, about –’ he grimaced ‘– disposing of her. I wanted to know if some sort of cremation was possible.’
‘And?’
‘He just laughed. Told me I was being pathetic. He said he was just going to dig a hole at the bottom of the garden and put her in a bin-liner. Like he did with the others.’
Sarah looked at Robert earnestly for a long time, and then said, with great care and emphasis: ‘But you think that’s wrong, don’t you? You know that it’s wrong.’
Robert nodded. ‘Yes. Yes, I do.’
‘Good.’ Sarah rose from the bed, now, and stood by the door. ‘OK, Robert, I’m finding this conversation… a little hard to cope with, and I’m going to go downstairs for a while. But I want you to think about what I said, and remember that, you know, however bad things have been, in your family, you can always talk to me about it. I’m always here.’
Just as she was leaving, they looked directly into each other’s eyes for the first time; and something happened then, some connection was made, just for a moment, before Sarah turned away and left the room, relieved to have gained the sanctuary of the corridor and to be heading safely out towards the clifftops and the autumn breeze. As he listened to her receding footsteps, Robert began to breathe again in long, uneven breaths.
He
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