Read Online The House of Memories by Monica McInerney - Free Book Online Page B

got up. I didn’t go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, any of it. I just put myself to bed, in my clothes. I was hungry, but there was nothing I could do about it. I wanted to keep crying but there didn’t seem to be any tears left. I waited for Mum or for Walter, or even Charlie, to come in and check on me. No one did. I fell asleep and slept the whole night through.
    I woke at six a.m., before anyone else was up. I dressed, made my own breakfast of cereal and toast, then quietly let myself out of the house. I was waiting at the school gate when the first teacher arrived. It wasn’t until the next day that I found out Charlie had been right behind me on my walk to school, and that he had also gone back home to report to Mum and Walter that I was okay. He’d heard me get up and followed me. He didn’t want them worrying about me, he told me. He’d thought I might be running away.
    “And I’d miss you,” he said. “Like, I don’t know, a dog would miss its fleas.”
    That night, after Jess was fed, bathed and put to bed and while Walter was helping Charlie with his homework, Mum called me in to her and Walter’s bedroom. I knew what was coming. A telling-off. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it. She took a seat on the bed and patted the cover beside her. I came in and sat down.
    “Darling, we need to have a little chat.”
    I got in first. “I’m sorry,” I said. I knew I’d misbehaved the night before. And I
was
sorry. I didn’t like feeling this way either.
    “I’m glad to hear that. Ella, you really do have to stop being so jealous.”
    “I’m not jealous. I’m really not. I’m just very tired.”
    She gave a laugh. It wasn’t a nice laugh. “I think if anyone deserves to be tired around here, it’s me. You just have to try harder, Ella. She’s your little sister. You should love her.”
    My apology was forgotten. I felt that surge of crossness again, but I tried pushing it down this time. “She should be the one getting used to me. I was here first.”
    It was the truth, but I was also trying to be funny. I wanted to make Mum laugh. I wanted lots of things. I wanted Mum to stop telling me off and to give me a big hug, to tell me she still loved me, to tell me she was sorry that Jess, and Walter, seemed to take up so much of her time these days. I wanted her to ruffle my hair and say, of course you’re tired, you poor kid, come on, an early night for you. I wanted her to tuck me into bed, and read me a story. I wanted her to thank me for being such a good girl lately, for getting on so well with Walter, and with Charlie. I wanted her to say that of course Jess wouldn’t take up all her time forever, that of course she would soon be able to come into school again to listen to my reading and do tuckshop duty and all the things she used to do, and not make me take in another apologetic note to my teacher, explaining that she just didn’t have the time anymore, not with a new baby in the house. I wanted her to give me another big hug, and tell me that she loved me just as much as she always had, before Walter had come along and before Jess had come along, and that, yes, she did now have another daughter, but I was absolutely right, I
had
been there first, so I would always be her special, first daughter, no matter what happened.
    She didn’t. She stood up, put her hands on her hips and gave me a cross look. “‘I was here first’? Ella Baum, you should be ashamed of yourself. Jess is your baby sister. You should be welcoming her into our family, not being so mean to her.”
    I stood up too, just as crossly. I’d heard that word “should” from Mum too many times recently.
He’s your new father; you
should
love him. This is your great new house; you
should
love it.
I felt the fury inside me again. This time I let it out. “I don’t care! You can’t make me love her!”
    “Go to your room, Ella. Right now. I’m very, very disappointed in you. And Walter will be too.”
    My fury was