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Authors: Alison Strobel
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during the last two weeks?
A disturbing thought came to her as she stared at the Scripture. She hadn’t prayed once—besides the brief and panicky, “Dear God, don’t let my heart go out!” after seeing the X-ray — since coming to the ER. Shaun hadn’t even suggested they pray together.
What had happened to her faith?
Like a panoramic movie, the last ten years of her life scrolled through her mind, revealing the incremental decline of her spiritual life. She saw herself on stages across the country, at the head of endless lines of fans wanting her signature in their books, at planning meetings and publisher meetings and marketing meetings. She didn’t see herself in church, or hidden away in prayer, or reading Scripture. She’d become a businesswoman for God, selling the promise of a meaningful life and cashing in on the desperate longings of harried mothers who wondered if their existence amounted to anything more than carpool schedules and menu planning to stretch a buck.
“Shaun, we need to pray.”
He looked up from his book, concern clouding his face. “Why, what’s wrong?”
“We haven’t prayed at all since we came in. We haven’t prayed together at all since I’ve been home, even. And before the tour …” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen it. I’ve been so caught up in the … the business of ministry. I feel like such a cliché.” A humorless laugh escaped, and her chest burned with the effort. “What if all this is meant to be a wake-up call? We’ve lost our passion, we’ve lost sight of our — our need for God.”
Shaun’s face was sympathetic. “Oh babe, I’m sorry you’re feeling like that.”
“But you see it too, right? It’s not just me imagining this? I mean, when was the last time you and I were really on our knees together? It’s both of us. We’re going through the motions like this is just our career and not a ministry, not a mission.”
Shaun nodded slowly, his eyes trained on the Bible in her lap and his expression unreadable. “No, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
“We need to repent. Now.”
Shaun looked to the doorway, then took her hands as she bowed her head. Tears slipped from her cheeks as she asked forgiveness for their prideful independence and lack of desire. Her spirit ached almost as much as her chest as she cataloged all the ways she’d turned Abide & Abound into just another job, all the ways her relationship with Christ had been reduced to a business contract, and Shaun mumbled his agreement along with her. As she prayed she felt a renewed sense of connectedness not only with God, but with Shaun. They’d been more like coworkers than man and wife for a while now; maybe this would reignite the flame they’d once had.
They murmured their amens, Savannah wiping the tears from her face and Shaun giving her hands a brief squeeze before sitting back down in the chair beside her bed. A lightness in her soul gave her a surge of hope. No wonder her body was in revolt. Her spirit had been sick. But maybe now that they were back on track, she’d begin to heal.
Savannah began reading the Psalms again. Now the words were leaping off the page and into her heart. A mix of remorse and relief had her alternately thanking God and confessing her sin as she read for the next hour. After a nurse interrupted her to check her vitals, she looked to Shaun. “Listen, regardless of what we find out today, I want you to call Pastor John and see if he can come over tomorrow. I think we’d really benefit from praying with him. Maybe we should start meeting with him once in a while, to keep us accountable. What do you think?”
“Accountable? What do you mean?”
Savannah was disappointed by his defensive tone. “Just … I don’t know, making sure we don’t slip back into that rut again. You don’t think that would be helpful?”
“That makes me feel like you don’t think I can be trusted to do the right thing without someone breathing
A disturbing thought came to her as she stared at the Scripture. She hadn’t prayed once—besides the brief and panicky, “Dear God, don’t let my heart go out!” after seeing the X-ray — since coming to the ER. Shaun hadn’t even suggested they pray together.
What had happened to her faith?
Like a panoramic movie, the last ten years of her life scrolled through her mind, revealing the incremental decline of her spiritual life. She saw herself on stages across the country, at the head of endless lines of fans wanting her signature in their books, at planning meetings and publisher meetings and marketing meetings. She didn’t see herself in church, or hidden away in prayer, or reading Scripture. She’d become a businesswoman for God, selling the promise of a meaningful life and cashing in on the desperate longings of harried mothers who wondered if their existence amounted to anything more than carpool schedules and menu planning to stretch a buck.
“Shaun, we need to pray.”
He looked up from his book, concern clouding his face. “Why, what’s wrong?”
“We haven’t prayed at all since we came in. We haven’t prayed together at all since I’ve been home, even. And before the tour …” She shook her head. “I can’t believe I haven’t seen it. I’ve been so caught up in the … the business of ministry. I feel like such a cliché.” A humorless laugh escaped, and her chest burned with the effort. “What if all this is meant to be a wake-up call? We’ve lost our passion, we’ve lost sight of our — our need for God.”
Shaun’s face was sympathetic. “Oh babe, I’m sorry you’re feeling like that.”
“But you see it too, right? It’s not just me imagining this? I mean, when was the last time you and I were really on our knees together? It’s both of us. We’re going through the motions like this is just our career and not a ministry, not a mission.”
Shaun nodded slowly, his eyes trained on the Bible in her lap and his expression unreadable. “No, you’re right. You’re absolutely right.”
“We need to repent. Now.”
Shaun looked to the doorway, then took her hands as she bowed her head. Tears slipped from her cheeks as she asked forgiveness for their prideful independence and lack of desire. Her spirit ached almost as much as her chest as she cataloged all the ways she’d turned Abide & Abound into just another job, all the ways her relationship with Christ had been reduced to a business contract, and Shaun mumbled his agreement along with her. As she prayed she felt a renewed sense of connectedness not only with God, but with Shaun. They’d been more like coworkers than man and wife for a while now; maybe this would reignite the flame they’d once had.
They murmured their amens, Savannah wiping the tears from her face and Shaun giving her hands a brief squeeze before sitting back down in the chair beside her bed. A lightness in her soul gave her a surge of hope. No wonder her body was in revolt. Her spirit had been sick. But maybe now that they were back on track, she’d begin to heal.
Savannah began reading the Psalms again. Now the words were leaping off the page and into her heart. A mix of remorse and relief had her alternately thanking God and confessing her sin as she read for the next hour. After a nurse interrupted her to check her vitals, she looked to Shaun. “Listen, regardless of what we find out today, I want you to call Pastor John and see if he can come over tomorrow. I think we’d really benefit from praying with him. Maybe we should start meeting with him once in a while, to keep us accountable. What do you think?”
“Accountable? What do you mean?”
Savannah was disappointed by his defensive tone. “Just … I don’t know, making sure we don’t slip back into that rut again. You don’t think that would be helpful?”
“That makes me feel like you don’t think I can be trusted to do the right thing without someone breathing
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