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Authors: Christopher Ransom
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banks. He was late for a meeting with new investors, another bank who was preparing to offload Arthur’s company’s toxic portfolio. He lost his temper in traffic. He was trapped there and then he spotted the alley. He decided to cut through the alley to where it met up with Arlington. He said he was going almost sixty miles per hour when she stepped out of the garage.’
I couldn’t look at her. I had my hands over my eyes. I was leaning over my knees while she told it.
‘He stopped too late. He got out to help her, but she . . . it was instant. He said he looked around for help but there was no one. No one had seen him and it was too late and he knew it would ruin . . . he would lose the company and go to prison. He was scared. He gave in, in a moment of weakness.’
‘A moment of weakness. He murdered my wife.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ She started to cry again.
I hurled my beer at the wall. It crashed against a framed still from Purple Rain , cracking the glass right below Prince’s signature. Stacey had given it to me for my twenty-sixth birthday.
Annette reared back in terror.
‘Stop crying!’
She pulled into a tighter ball and, after another minute or two, composed herself. Very softly she said, ‘Do you want to hear the rest?’
No, but I had to know. I nodded.
She recited the rest of his note from memory. ‘He said, “I behaved like a monster. If another man had done the same thing to you, I would not hesitate to end his life. I have seen the core of myself, and I cannot live with what I have seen. There is no place for me in this world. I do not deserve to be forgiven for my crimes. But if you can, please try to forgive me for leaving you. I hope that one day we will be together again. Arthur.”’
I felt as if my head was going to explode, and I hoped it would. All this time I wanted know, but knowing was worthless at that moment.
‘You still haven’t been to the police,’ I said. They would have told me if she had, of course.
She shook her head. ‘But I will. And you should. I can give you the name of the officers who handled Arthur’s . . . I’ll show you the note, if you want.’
Something was wrong with that. ‘You didn’t show them the note? This note that spelled it all out? What else aren’t you telling me?’
‘What? No.’ She appeared hurt by the accusation. ‘It wasn’t like that. I, I was scared. I was still in shock. I was afraid they would take my home away. I had nothing. And then later I wondered if I would want to know, after a year. I waited a few days and then I was scared that I had held it back, that it would be worse since I waited, and it got harder to think and, and - I was paralyzed. I know I was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do except come see you first.’
‘You’ve been watching me for a month?’
‘No. Only a week or so. Maybe two.’
‘And you just decided to rent the house next door? Sort of insinuate yourself into the swing of the neighborhood before you divulged this? Lady, are you out of your fucking mind? Who does this?’
‘I know how it sounds,’ she said. Her face was dirty with tears. ‘I was confused. I tried to imagine what your life was like now and I was afraid of making it worse. The lease is only month to month. I thought I could help you in some other way, if I got to know you first, maybe I could do something to make your life better, and then I realized I wasn’t acting rationally and I just - here I am, okay? It’s not up to me.’
I could not stay seated. ‘You stupid woman. You keep saying these things. You think this is how it goes?’
‘It was an accident! I don’t have anybody left!’
I watched her, waiting to see if she would hyperventilate. She rocked back and forth on my couch and cried with the force of an emergency room. I got up and walked into the kitchen. I stared at the window above the sink.
I couldn’t look at her. I had my hands over my eyes. I was leaning over my knees while she told it.
‘He stopped too late. He got out to help her, but she . . . it was instant. He said he looked around for help but there was no one. No one had seen him and it was too late and he knew it would ruin . . . he would lose the company and go to prison. He was scared. He gave in, in a moment of weakness.’
‘A moment of weakness. He murdered my wife.’
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’ She started to cry again.
I hurled my beer at the wall. It crashed against a framed still from Purple Rain , cracking the glass right below Prince’s signature. Stacey had given it to me for my twenty-sixth birthday.
Annette reared back in terror.
‘Stop crying!’
She pulled into a tighter ball and, after another minute or two, composed herself. Very softly she said, ‘Do you want to hear the rest?’
No, but I had to know. I nodded.
She recited the rest of his note from memory. ‘He said, “I behaved like a monster. If another man had done the same thing to you, I would not hesitate to end his life. I have seen the core of myself, and I cannot live with what I have seen. There is no place for me in this world. I do not deserve to be forgiven for my crimes. But if you can, please try to forgive me for leaving you. I hope that one day we will be together again. Arthur.”’
I felt as if my head was going to explode, and I hoped it would. All this time I wanted know, but knowing was worthless at that moment.
‘You still haven’t been to the police,’ I said. They would have told me if she had, of course.
She shook her head. ‘But I will. And you should. I can give you the name of the officers who handled Arthur’s . . . I’ll show you the note, if you want.’
Something was wrong with that. ‘You didn’t show them the note? This note that spelled it all out? What else aren’t you telling me?’
‘What? No.’ She appeared hurt by the accusation. ‘It wasn’t like that. I, I was scared. I was still in shock. I was afraid they would take my home away. I had nothing. And then later I wondered if I would want to know, after a year. I waited a few days and then I was scared that I had held it back, that it would be worse since I waited, and it got harder to think and, and - I was paralyzed. I know I was wrong, but I didn’t know what to do except come see you first.’
‘You’ve been watching me for a month?’
‘No. Only a week or so. Maybe two.’
‘And you just decided to rent the house next door? Sort of insinuate yourself into the swing of the neighborhood before you divulged this? Lady, are you out of your fucking mind? Who does this?’
‘I know how it sounds,’ she said. Her face was dirty with tears. ‘I was confused. I tried to imagine what your life was like now and I was afraid of making it worse. The lease is only month to month. I thought I could help you in some other way, if I got to know you first, maybe I could do something to make your life better, and then I realized I wasn’t acting rationally and I just - here I am, okay? It’s not up to me.’
I could not stay seated. ‘You stupid woman. You keep saying these things. You think this is how it goes?’
‘It was an accident! I don’t have anybody left!’
I watched her, waiting to see if she would hyperventilate. She rocked back and forth on my couch and cried with the force of an emergency room. I got up and walked into the kitchen. I stared at the window above the sink.
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