pretty mean breakfast, too.”
Ed looked shrewdly at him. Was that a hint about spending the night? “I think I have some eggs in the refrigerator.”
“Would you like me to make you breakfast in the morning?” Rick asked coyly.
“If that means you’ll be here between now and then, yes.”
A look of relief passed over Rick’s face, and his arm tightened around Ed’s shoulders. “Man, I was hoping you’d say that. All day I was thinking about how much I hated to leave you this morning, and how much I wanted to fall asleep next to you.”
“Tonight’s the night,” Ed said, smiling at him.
“Everything’s gonna be alright,” Rick said, reading Ed’s mind.
Ed shook his head in amazement. Anyone who knew the Top 40, past and present, well enough to throw that line out was okay in his book. The whole thing was getting downright spooky. I’d better watch it, or I’m gonna start looking for all the flaws. He was sure Rick had some, but Ed just didn’t want to know what they were yet.
“I’ll have to go get something out of the car, though, before then,” Rick was saying.
Ed looked puzzled.
“Oh, just my glasses,” Rick said sheepishly. “That was another reason I had to leave this morning. My contacts were killing me.”
Ed chuckled. He was glad to know Rick was self-conscious about something.
By the time they were settled at the kitchen table over a Gino’s Special—everything but the anchovies—they had both begun to relax. Food had a way of doing that, Ed had learned over the years. After the edge had been taken off their appetites, they began to talk, filling in the blanks of each other’s lives.
Rick was curious about what growing up in a small town was like, so Ed told some stories, some funny, some not so funny.
“I had a lot of friends in high school,” Ed said. “Oh, I wasn’t popular, but the other nerdy types liked me well enough. We had our own little gang, and I think it helped us get through. I was really grateful to them, but at the same time, I thought I was the only guy in the world who felt like I did. I remember guys talking about ‘queers’ and ‘fags,’ but I never really put it together. Once I did, I felt even lonelier, wondering if I was going to have to spend my whole life lying about how I really felt. I remember being so scared someone would figure it out. I lost track of almost all of those guys I ran around with back then. It was easier to let them go than tell the truth.”
Rick toyed with a pizza crust on his plate. He looked up at Ed. “Did you ever think about killing yourself?” he asked bluntly.
Ed looked back at Rick. A bond that can only be understood by two gay men began to form between them. “Yes,” he said quietly. He didn’t need to say anything more.
Rick sighed. “Well, I didn’t have a lot of friends back then. I was a bookworm with big, thick glasses, and pretty much everyone left me alone. Plus, I had to cope with being the younger brother of Claire Benton, one of the most popular girls at Broad Ripple. I just assumed everyone thought of me as Claire’s loser brother.”
Ed looked at him in surprise. “You were unpopular in school? Man, that’s hard to believe.”
Rick laughed, but there wasn’t much joy in it. “Oh, yes. Just looking at this pizza here reminds me of Claire’s favorite nickname for me back then: Pizza-face. I had horrible zits and wanted to wear a ski mask to school. Nothing I tried seemed to help. The money I wasted on Clearasil! Then there was the fact that I was so tall. Everyone thought I should go out for basketball, but there was one problem with that: I hated it. I wasn’t tall and graceful, just tall and awkward.
“I remember going for long walks around our neighborhood late at night, when I thought no one could see me, just thinking about how lonely I was, and that no one else in the world could possibly feel the way I did. I also had a sneaky feeling that I liked boys a hell of a lot more
Ed looked shrewdly at him. Was that a hint about spending the night? “I think I have some eggs in the refrigerator.”
“Would you like me to make you breakfast in the morning?” Rick asked coyly.
“If that means you’ll be here between now and then, yes.”
A look of relief passed over Rick’s face, and his arm tightened around Ed’s shoulders. “Man, I was hoping you’d say that. All day I was thinking about how much I hated to leave you this morning, and how much I wanted to fall asleep next to you.”
“Tonight’s the night,” Ed said, smiling at him.
“Everything’s gonna be alright,” Rick said, reading Ed’s mind.
Ed shook his head in amazement. Anyone who knew the Top 40, past and present, well enough to throw that line out was okay in his book. The whole thing was getting downright spooky. I’d better watch it, or I’m gonna start looking for all the flaws. He was sure Rick had some, but Ed just didn’t want to know what they were yet.
“I’ll have to go get something out of the car, though, before then,” Rick was saying.
Ed looked puzzled.
“Oh, just my glasses,” Rick said sheepishly. “That was another reason I had to leave this morning. My contacts were killing me.”
Ed chuckled. He was glad to know Rick was self-conscious about something.
By the time they were settled at the kitchen table over a Gino’s Special—everything but the anchovies—they had both begun to relax. Food had a way of doing that, Ed had learned over the years. After the edge had been taken off their appetites, they began to talk, filling in the blanks of each other’s lives.
Rick was curious about what growing up in a small town was like, so Ed told some stories, some funny, some not so funny.
“I had a lot of friends in high school,” Ed said. “Oh, I wasn’t popular, but the other nerdy types liked me well enough. We had our own little gang, and I think it helped us get through. I was really grateful to them, but at the same time, I thought I was the only guy in the world who felt like I did. I remember guys talking about ‘queers’ and ‘fags,’ but I never really put it together. Once I did, I felt even lonelier, wondering if I was going to have to spend my whole life lying about how I really felt. I remember being so scared someone would figure it out. I lost track of almost all of those guys I ran around with back then. It was easier to let them go than tell the truth.”
Rick toyed with a pizza crust on his plate. He looked up at Ed. “Did you ever think about killing yourself?” he asked bluntly.
Ed looked back at Rick. A bond that can only be understood by two gay men began to form between them. “Yes,” he said quietly. He didn’t need to say anything more.
Rick sighed. “Well, I didn’t have a lot of friends back then. I was a bookworm with big, thick glasses, and pretty much everyone left me alone. Plus, I had to cope with being the younger brother of Claire Benton, one of the most popular girls at Broad Ripple. I just assumed everyone thought of me as Claire’s loser brother.”
Ed looked at him in surprise. “You were unpopular in school? Man, that’s hard to believe.”
Rick laughed, but there wasn’t much joy in it. “Oh, yes. Just looking at this pizza here reminds me of Claire’s favorite nickname for me back then: Pizza-face. I had horrible zits and wanted to wear a ski mask to school. Nothing I tried seemed to help. The money I wasted on Clearasil! Then there was the fact that I was so tall. Everyone thought I should go out for basketball, but there was one problem with that: I hated it. I wasn’t tall and graceful, just tall and awkward.
“I remember going for long walks around our neighborhood late at night, when I thought no one could see me, just thinking about how lonely I was, and that no one else in the world could possibly feel the way I did. I also had a sneaky feeling that I liked boys a hell of a lot more
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