Read Online The Guardian by Carey Corp - Free Book Online Page A

forget I’m dying of embarrassment. “Why would you want that?”
    “Because—” Her voice is thick with frustration, harsher than normal. “It would mean you feel at home enough to break the rules!” Propelled forward by her emotions, all I can do is stare, dumfounded by her tirade. “You’ve lived with us for three months and you still haven’t unpacked or personalized your room. No matter what Steven and I do, you keep one foot out the door. We try and try, but you won’t let us in—not even the tiniest bit. I think I could live with that, if I knew you were letting someone— anyone —in. That boy, for instance. But I see the distance in your eyes. You’re unreachable.”
    My eyes are wet as I stare fixedly at my toes. “Sorry.” My voice is so small I’m not sure she hears me.
    After a moment, she replies in a tired voice, “You don’t need to apologize, Alex.”
    “Are you going to take me back now?”
    “Back where?”
    “To The Children’s Center.” I should be expecting this—but the thought of going back hammers my chest like a sucker punch. My mind reels with all I’d be leaving: the Fosters, my new friends, the feeling of safety I’m becoming dependent upon, and mostly Gabriel. For the first time in my life, I have something to lose. Tears I refuse to shed distort my vision, stinging my eyes.
    “Alex, look at me. You have a home. My home is your home.” She pauses, as thoughts flicker behind her chocolate eyes, “Is that what this is about? You’re afraid Steven and I will trade you in for a different model?” My head nods of its own volition, causing Kate’s breath to catch. “Oh honey, you are not an appliance. Steven and I—we— chose you . From that moment you were family to us, for better or worse.”
    My head continues to bob in understanding as I stare at the ground, feeling lost and insignificant, like an ant in the middle of Times Square. “Why me?”
    “The first time Steven and I saw you, we knew you were special.” I want to tell her I’m not, that I’m unworthy to be their choice. As if attuned to my thoughts, Kate says, “Just because you don’t believe me, doesn’t make it any less true.”
    The multi-faceted feelings of relief and guilt do weird, indescribable things to my insides. Taking a couple of deep calming breaths, I tip my head up to meet Kate’s smiling one. With a tight smile of gratitude, I manage, “Just tell me what you want Kate, and I’ll do it.”
    Kate’s champagne halo bubbles around her, warm and gentle. “All I want is for you to be yourself.”
    Is that all?
    “I’ve got a few more dresses to try.”
    Like a coward, I retreat into the dressing room. All that’s left are the gowns I can hardly bear to look at, let alone model. The kind of garments worn by girls whose greatest worry is whether to wear their hair up or down. Sifting through the stack, stalling, I spy something unexpected, hidden between the folds of two brighter dresses.
    A simple black dress, elegant and understated. For the first time since agreeing to go on this errand, I actually want to try something on. The soft, pliable fabric—crepe or chiffon or something—covers a black satin sheath. As I slip it over my head, I lose myself in the gossamer texture, a whisper against my skin. Double rows of spaghetti straps hug my slim shoulders, standing out in stark relief against my pale skin. The rounded neckline doesn’t display my chest, but still manages to accentuate curves I didn’t even realize I possessed.
    Turning in the mirror, I marvel at how the dress fits my form, falling about my knees in filmy angles. The person I see before me isn’t Alexia, but somehow isn’t Alex either. The vision in the mirror’s just me.
    As my huge eyes stare at the girl in the glass, a foreign feeling ripples through my body. Longing. I want this dress—and the life it promises—understated yet elegant. Self-possessed. Despite the fact I don’t have a name for the girl