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Authors: Cinda Williams Chima
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conversation.
“All of the captains are bound to their queens,” Byrne said finally. “it’s been that way since the Breaking.”
“Did you really think it was necessary to bind Amon to me?” raisa lifted her hands, palms up. “we’ve been friends since childhood.”
“i did it for the line,” Byrne said, looking into her eyes unapologetically. “i did not do it to keep you away from my son.
or my son away from you.”
“Are you sure?” raisa felt her mean streak surfacing. She wanted to hurt Byrne to make up for what had been stolen from her. “Are you sure that you weren’t jealous because i loved Amon, while . . . while . . .”
60
A w e L C o M e H o M e
Byrne continued to look at her, waiting, and she trailed off.
no. She couldn’t go there. She wouldn’t go there.
“The linkage protects the line,” Byrne said, when it was clear she wouldn’t go on. “Amon is the best choice to serve as your captain. if it served the line for you to . . . be together, the linkage would not interfere.”
“ Real y ,” raisa said. “where is that written? where’s the rule book on all this? i just blunder along, thinking i’m free to make choices, and then i find out they’ve been made for me.” Byrne inclined his head, acknowledging this, then looked up at her again.
“where does it tell me what i’m supposed to do now?” she whispered, blinking back tears.
Byrne produced a handkerchief from somewhere and handed it to her. “you serve,” he said. “you find happiness where you can. in love or not, you find a way to continue the line.” Just as he had done.
And just like that, raisa’s resentment faded, leaving a dull ache, like the muscle memory of an old injury. She realized that her bitterness had become a habit, that somewhere along the line, she’d accepted that she and Amon would never be together as lovers. That she needed friends as much, or even more, right now.
And then what had she done? She’d fallen for Han Alister—
someone else she couldn’t have, in a marriage, anyway.
“none of us are free to follow our hearts,” she said. “not really. is that what you’re saying?”
He shook his head. “no one can stop you from loving someone,” he said.
61
T H e G r Ay wo L F T H ro n e
raisa dabbed at her eyes. “i thought that, for me, it would be different, that i would find a way to make it happen. That i would marry for love.” She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. “now i know,” she said, “like every other Gray wolf queen, i will settle for a political marriage to someone i don’t love.”
Byrne half smiled. “Somehow i don’t think you will settle, your Highness.”
i can always emulate Marianna, raisa thought. And find love outside of marriage. She’d never forgiven her mother for not loving her father more. now, belatedly, raisa was beginning to realize that choices are not always as black-and-white as they seem.
impulsively, raisa leaned forward and gripped Byrne’s cal-loused hands. “How is she doing, Captain? The queen, i mean?” He looked down at their joined hands, and up into her face.
“My Lady, i don’t think—”
“you are linked to her. you must know something of her state of mind.”
Byrne grimaced as though she’d strayed onto a forbidden subject, a topic too intimate for discussion. Like love.
“your Highness, it’s not my place to guess what—”
“if i’m going to help her once i return to the capital, i need to know,” raisa said bluntly.
Byrne looked at raisa, almost defensively. “it’s not as if i can read her mind.”
raisa nodded. “i know.” She paused. “i just wish i understood her better. She never shared a lot with me, growing up, about herself. we are so different. i don’t even look much like her.” 62
A w e L C o M e H o M e
He shook his head. “no, you favor your father more. Though she is tall, she has always seemed delicate to me, like . . .
“All of the captains are bound to their queens,” Byrne said finally. “it’s been that way since the Breaking.”
“Did you really think it was necessary to bind Amon to me?” raisa lifted her hands, palms up. “we’ve been friends since childhood.”
“i did it for the line,” Byrne said, looking into her eyes unapologetically. “i did not do it to keep you away from my son.
or my son away from you.”
“Are you sure?” raisa felt her mean streak surfacing. She wanted to hurt Byrne to make up for what had been stolen from her. “Are you sure that you weren’t jealous because i loved Amon, while . . . while . . .”
60
A w e L C o M e H o M e
Byrne continued to look at her, waiting, and she trailed off.
no. She couldn’t go there. She wouldn’t go there.
“The linkage protects the line,” Byrne said, when it was clear she wouldn’t go on. “Amon is the best choice to serve as your captain. if it served the line for you to . . . be together, the linkage would not interfere.”
“ Real y ,” raisa said. “where is that written? where’s the rule book on all this? i just blunder along, thinking i’m free to make choices, and then i find out they’ve been made for me.” Byrne inclined his head, acknowledging this, then looked up at her again.
“where does it tell me what i’m supposed to do now?” she whispered, blinking back tears.
Byrne produced a handkerchief from somewhere and handed it to her. “you serve,” he said. “you find happiness where you can. in love or not, you find a way to continue the line.” Just as he had done.
And just like that, raisa’s resentment faded, leaving a dull ache, like the muscle memory of an old injury. She realized that her bitterness had become a habit, that somewhere along the line, she’d accepted that she and Amon would never be together as lovers. That she needed friends as much, or even more, right now.
And then what had she done? She’d fallen for Han Alister—
someone else she couldn’t have, in a marriage, anyway.
“none of us are free to follow our hearts,” she said. “not really. is that what you’re saying?”
He shook his head. “no one can stop you from loving someone,” he said.
61
T H e G r Ay wo L F T H ro n e
raisa dabbed at her eyes. “i thought that, for me, it would be different, that i would find a way to make it happen. That i would marry for love.” She cleared her throat and straightened her shoulders. “now i know,” she said, “like every other Gray wolf queen, i will settle for a political marriage to someone i don’t love.”
Byrne half smiled. “Somehow i don’t think you will settle, your Highness.”
i can always emulate Marianna, raisa thought. And find love outside of marriage. She’d never forgiven her mother for not loving her father more. now, belatedly, raisa was beginning to realize that choices are not always as black-and-white as they seem.
impulsively, raisa leaned forward and gripped Byrne’s cal-loused hands. “How is she doing, Captain? The queen, i mean?” He looked down at their joined hands, and up into her face.
“My Lady, i don’t think—”
“you are linked to her. you must know something of her state of mind.”
Byrne grimaced as though she’d strayed onto a forbidden subject, a topic too intimate for discussion. Like love.
“your Highness, it’s not my place to guess what—”
“if i’m going to help her once i return to the capital, i need to know,” raisa said bluntly.
Byrne looked at raisa, almost defensively. “it’s not as if i can read her mind.”
raisa nodded. “i know.” She paused. “i just wish i understood her better. She never shared a lot with me, growing up, about herself. we are so different. i don’t even look much like her.” 62
A w e L C o M e H o M e
He shook his head. “no, you favor your father more. Though she is tall, she has always seemed delicate to me, like . . .
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