of person he should like or have as a friend.
“You can sit down, you know.” I shifted up to make my point, even though there was plenty of room.
Across the tracks, not quite hidden by the overgrown grass, a rabbit was nibbling whatever it is rabbits nibble at. The trees brushed leaves in the breeze, the wind blew the sound of the town away, and it felt like a tiny train station in the middle of nowhere.
“Someone hurt you pretty bad once, didn’t they?” Thomas lifted his eyebrow as he glanced at me and chewed his lip.
The question caught me off guard. I looked down.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to answer. But don’t… I don’t know… don’t run. I won’t say anything else stupid, you don’t have to worry.” Thomas sounded resigned.
I’d wanted today to be good. The best. And I’d fucked up. And now I just wanted to be at home curled up in the dip in my bed.
“I won’t hurt you,” he added, saying the words so quietly I almost didn’t hear them.
But it didn’t matter even if I believed him, because I couldn’t give myself the same promise. I would always hurt myself more than anyone else ever could.
Chapter Five
Corinne….
F OR MOST of the train journey, we didn’t speak. But for the last third, Thomas stretched his hand out across the seat next to mine so the tips of our pinkie fingers were touching. I felt as full of bubbles as a glass of champagne. Even though I knew it was stupid to feel that way. That his touch probably meant nothing, and even if it did mean something, it was just our fingers touching. I don’t know why it felt so good or why it made me feel so defiant to do that, sitting with Thomas on a near empty train.
As we got off at our stop, I shivered. The air was chillier than in Southend. I tried to walk Thomas home, but he wasn’t having it.
“You walked me home last time,” he said. “I want to walk you home.” He could be stubborn when he wanted to be.
Yeah, but I’m not the one with asthma , I thought, rolling my eyes.
The estate was a half-hour walk from the train station. Thomas was a little out of breath by the time we reached my block.
“Do you want to—” I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “—come up or something?” If he walked home now, I’d have to follow him to make sure he was okay. And that was probably weird and pointless.
“Okay.”
For the first time in my life, I walked up those stairs willing Corinne not to be home. But of course she was. I could hear the TV from out in the corridor.
I glanced at Thomas apologetically. “My sister’s home.”
“You don’t get on?”
I could see why he might be confused.
“I mess up a lot. She thinks”— and she’s probably right —“that there’s something wrong with me.”
Thomas’s hand squeezed my arm. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he said, frowning and shaking his head.
Brushing him off to hide how ridiculously sick I felt about him meeting Corinne and realizing that, yes, she was indeed right, I opened the front door.
I called out a cursory greeting and tried to drag Thomas past the sitting room and to my bedroom without Corinne noticing, but she was up off the sofa and in the hallway in a flash.
“Who the hell…?” She stopped and stared at Thomas. Her hair was sticking out at all angles, and she’d obviously got home from work and shoved on the most comfortable clothing she could find, which wasn’t altogether clean.
Being the friendly, normal person that Thomas was, he smiled at her and said, “Hello. I’m Thomas.” I’d pulled him so close to me, I could feel him hesitate before he held out his hand. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, but it pleased me that I could sense that he was. It was like being privy to a secret. I was still dumbfounded that he’d gotten over his shyness to ever talk to me at school. I was so fucking glad that he had, though.
The TV was on too loud. The sound made everything as close to sensory overload as
“You can sit down, you know.” I shifted up to make my point, even though there was plenty of room.
Across the tracks, not quite hidden by the overgrown grass, a rabbit was nibbling whatever it is rabbits nibble at. The trees brushed leaves in the breeze, the wind blew the sound of the town away, and it felt like a tiny train station in the middle of nowhere.
“Someone hurt you pretty bad once, didn’t they?” Thomas lifted his eyebrow as he glanced at me and chewed his lip.
The question caught me off guard. I looked down.
“It’s okay. You don’t have to answer. But don’t… I don’t know… don’t run. I won’t say anything else stupid, you don’t have to worry.” Thomas sounded resigned.
I’d wanted today to be good. The best. And I’d fucked up. And now I just wanted to be at home curled up in the dip in my bed.
“I won’t hurt you,” he added, saying the words so quietly I almost didn’t hear them.
But it didn’t matter even if I believed him, because I couldn’t give myself the same promise. I would always hurt myself more than anyone else ever could.
Chapter Five
Corinne….
F OR MOST of the train journey, we didn’t speak. But for the last third, Thomas stretched his hand out across the seat next to mine so the tips of our pinkie fingers were touching. I felt as full of bubbles as a glass of champagne. Even though I knew it was stupid to feel that way. That his touch probably meant nothing, and even if it did mean something, it was just our fingers touching. I don’t know why it felt so good or why it made me feel so defiant to do that, sitting with Thomas on a near empty train.
As we got off at our stop, I shivered. The air was chillier than in Southend. I tried to walk Thomas home, but he wasn’t having it.
“You walked me home last time,” he said. “I want to walk you home.” He could be stubborn when he wanted to be.
Yeah, but I’m not the one with asthma , I thought, rolling my eyes.
The estate was a half-hour walk from the train station. Thomas was a little out of breath by the time we reached my block.
“Do you want to—” I shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. “—come up or something?” If he walked home now, I’d have to follow him to make sure he was okay. And that was probably weird and pointless.
“Okay.”
For the first time in my life, I walked up those stairs willing Corinne not to be home. But of course she was. I could hear the TV from out in the corridor.
I glanced at Thomas apologetically. “My sister’s home.”
“You don’t get on?”
I could see why he might be confused.
“I mess up a lot. She thinks”— and she’s probably right —“that there’s something wrong with me.”
Thomas’s hand squeezed my arm. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” he said, frowning and shaking his head.
Brushing him off to hide how ridiculously sick I felt about him meeting Corinne and realizing that, yes, she was indeed right, I opened the front door.
I called out a cursory greeting and tried to drag Thomas past the sitting room and to my bedroom without Corinne noticing, but she was up off the sofa and in the hallway in a flash.
“Who the hell…?” She stopped and stared at Thomas. Her hair was sticking out at all angles, and she’d obviously got home from work and shoved on the most comfortable clothing she could find, which wasn’t altogether clean.
Being the friendly, normal person that Thomas was, he smiled at her and said, “Hello. I’m Thomas.” I’d pulled him so close to me, I could feel him hesitate before he held out his hand. I didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable, but it pleased me that I could sense that he was. It was like being privy to a secret. I was still dumbfounded that he’d gotten over his shyness to ever talk to me at school. I was so fucking glad that he had, though.
The TV was on too loud. The sound made everything as close to sensory overload as
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