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her magazine onto a chair. “We just think she’s boring. Mind if I take a shower?”
    She didn’t wait for my answer, just walked out of the room. I wiped the twins’ faces and let them down from their high chairs. Candace’s shower ran for a long, long time. My parents always made me take short showers to conserve water.
    Candace’s dad came home after a while. He seemed surprised to find me watching his babies. The twins ran to climb his legs as if he were a tree. He asked where Candace was. I didn’t hear the shower anymore.
    â€œIn her room?” I suggested. Mr. Newman raised his eyebrows the same way Candace did. A few minutes later I got up and walked home—to my quiet, quiet house.

Darcy
    I CALLED CANDACE LATER and said, “I’m grounded!” But I never did tell her why I was grounded, because she didn’t ask. She wanted to talk about my party. Actually, she only wanted to talk about Brianna.
    â€œDon’t you think Brianna acted like a turd?” she asked.
    I thought quickly back over the party, trying to remember what lame thing Brianna had done.
    â€œWell, she called Renée an elephant ,” Candace said. “If I was Renée, I would have decked her.”
    â€œDo you think Brianna meant it like that?” I asked.
    â€œDon’t you ?” Candace asked, as if I were entirely stupid or kidding or something. It made a chill go up my spine. Candace continued, “And who is she to call Renée an elephant? Brianna’s the one with a trunk!”
    I was about to tell her that Renée thought Brianna wanted a nose job, but I didn’t have a chance because Candace was saying, “No, she’s a cow! A big old, sway-backed moo cow. Those eyes of hers!”
    I laughed. Brianna did have cow eyes.
    Candace went on, “Don’t you just see her in a little flowered apron, fussing over all her grubby little cowettes?” Candace put on a slow, dumb voice and said, “Ho-hum, having babies, chewing my cud.”
    I giggled.
    â€œI tell you, Darcy, sometimes I think the world is turning me into my mother! Forcing me to spend my life taking care of everyone but myself! I mean, it’s not Brianna’s fault or anything, and maybe she doesn’t mean to, but sometimes I feel like I have to remind her to breathe! I practically have to wipe her butt like she’s one of the twerps!”
    I had a creepy moment wondering if Candace included me in “everyone she had to take care of.” But then she said, “Brianna actually asked me what she should say to Maya tomorrow! Can you believe that? She asked me how I wanted her to act!”
    I pretended to be shocked. “Brianna asked that?”
    â€œOh, so Brianna can audition for that play all by herself,” Candace continued. “But somehow she can’t make any other decision without me. What does she do when I’m not there? Just sit like a lump with her hands in her lap?”
    I said something or other. Candace sounded really upset, and I knew it was best to just let her roll.
    â€œBrianna’s parents must be horrified!” Candace continued. “Here they are, science professors, and their own daughter has no more curiosity about the world than a cow!”
    I certainly didn’t remind Candace that Brianna got all A’s.
    â€œOh, excuse me, I forgot about her fabulous acting career,” Candace said sarcastically. “What a coincidence that she gets parts in the university plays, where she just happens to have not one, but two parents on the faculty. I wonder how many strings her parents will pull to get her a part this year.”
    I laughed.
    â€œI dread sitting through another one of those shows, don’t you?” Candace did not wait for my answer. She went on, “And let’s say she does become an actress: How does she plan to raise all those baby cows of hers? Does she expect me to come and baby-sit? Does