Read Online The Girl With No Past by Kathryn Croft - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Kathryn Croft
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there I had to worry about, but I still balked at the intrusion.
When she trotted off to use the bathroom, I took our mugs to the kitchen. Mine still had at least a quarter of the cup left but I tipped it down the sink and doused it in washing up liquid, my mind already assessing my options for how to deal with the messages I’d been getting.
Maria crept into the kitchen so quietly that when she spoke I jumped, almost dropping my mug in the sink. ‘I would have done that.’
I spun around. ‘No, don’t worry, it’s fine. Thanks for coming over, though, and for dinner, it was really kind of you.’
‘No trouble at all. Just hope you feel better soon.’ Her eyes narrowed as she said this, forcing me to look at the floor.
‘Any man would be lucky to have you, Maria. And you will find him. Didn’t you say to me there’s someone for everyone?’
She shook her head. ‘Well, I must have been drunk. Anyway, I’ll let myself out, you just get some rest.’ Heading out, she scanned my flat again as she walked to the top of the stairs. But before she reached them she turned back around, frowning. ‘You do seem a bit better, though. That’s good, isn’t it?’
Once she’d left, I paced the flat, unable to shake off Maria’s visit. I knew it was irrational; she was a friendly work colleague and nothing negative had ever passed between us, but something had been different that evening, and I couldn’t pinpoint what. Perhaps I was still shaken after the email, and that had put a slant on her visit? Or it could have been that it was too strange having someone in my flat after so long on my own.
But it had been nice to have company and I wondered if I could do it again. It was too much to hope that I could ever invite a man here – like Julian – but maybe I had taken a small step, even in the midst of the chaos that was unfolding. But still, no matter how I justified things, Maria had definitely not been herself and it could only be because I’d upset her with my frank words.
I couldn’t think about that now, though; I had an email to write, and my words needed to be chosen carefully. With the laptop balanced on my knee, I logged in to my Hotmail account and opened the message. I hadn’t intended to read it again, I’d just meant to click reply, but there were the words, taunting and mocking me, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Do you really think any man could be interested in you after what you’ve done?
And seeing them again, every intention I might have had to keep calm and work this out evaporated. Anger coursed through my body and my fingers flew to the keys as if they were one step ahead of my brain. How dare they? It may have been true but that was for me to think, nobody else.
I read my words again.
Yes, I do. Get over it.
There was still time to press delete, abandon the whole email and rethink my strategy, but, of course, that’s not what I did. Within seconds I was staring at a message telling me my email had been sent.
It’s hard to say what I felt afterwards, as I sat staring at the screen. It wasn’t regret, just anxiety because I wasn’t used to acting so spontaneously. I preferred to think things through carefully, weigh up all the possible outcomes. This seemed to have become a habit of late; I had done the same with Julian. Well, it was too late to dwell on that now. On any of it.
Thinking of Julian, I logged on to Two Become One. Even if he wasn’t around, reading some chat room conversations might help distract me from the mess I was making. Plus, if he was online, there was no better way to get back at whoever was emailing me than to prove his or her words wrong. Even though I didn’t believe that, or that Julian could be interested in me for that matter, I needed to hear from him.
He wasn’t online but when I checked my inbox, he had left me a message. It was short, but his words lifted me out of the fog I was in. They couldn’t have been more different from those of
When she trotted off to use the bathroom, I took our mugs to the kitchen. Mine still had at least a quarter of the cup left but I tipped it down the sink and doused it in washing up liquid, my mind already assessing my options for how to deal with the messages I’d been getting.
Maria crept into the kitchen so quietly that when she spoke I jumped, almost dropping my mug in the sink. ‘I would have done that.’
I spun around. ‘No, don’t worry, it’s fine. Thanks for coming over, though, and for dinner, it was really kind of you.’
‘No trouble at all. Just hope you feel better soon.’ Her eyes narrowed as she said this, forcing me to look at the floor.
‘Any man would be lucky to have you, Maria. And you will find him. Didn’t you say to me there’s someone for everyone?’
She shook her head. ‘Well, I must have been drunk. Anyway, I’ll let myself out, you just get some rest.’ Heading out, she scanned my flat again as she walked to the top of the stairs. But before she reached them she turned back around, frowning. ‘You do seem a bit better, though. That’s good, isn’t it?’
Once she’d left, I paced the flat, unable to shake off Maria’s visit. I knew it was irrational; she was a friendly work colleague and nothing negative had ever passed between us, but something had been different that evening, and I couldn’t pinpoint what. Perhaps I was still shaken after the email, and that had put a slant on her visit? Or it could have been that it was too strange having someone in my flat after so long on my own.
But it had been nice to have company and I wondered if I could do it again. It was too much to hope that I could ever invite a man here – like Julian – but maybe I had taken a small step, even in the midst of the chaos that was unfolding. But still, no matter how I justified things, Maria had definitely not been herself and it could only be because I’d upset her with my frank words.
I couldn’t think about that now, though; I had an email to write, and my words needed to be chosen carefully. With the laptop balanced on my knee, I logged in to my Hotmail account and opened the message. I hadn’t intended to read it again, I’d just meant to click reply, but there were the words, taunting and mocking me, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away.
Do you really think any man could be interested in you after what you’ve done?
And seeing them again, every intention I might have had to keep calm and work this out evaporated. Anger coursed through my body and my fingers flew to the keys as if they were one step ahead of my brain. How dare they? It may have been true but that was for me to think, nobody else.
I read my words again.
Yes, I do. Get over it.
There was still time to press delete, abandon the whole email and rethink my strategy, but, of course, that’s not what I did. Within seconds I was staring at a message telling me my email had been sent.
It’s hard to say what I felt afterwards, as I sat staring at the screen. It wasn’t regret, just anxiety because I wasn’t used to acting so spontaneously. I preferred to think things through carefully, weigh up all the possible outcomes. This seemed to have become a habit of late; I had done the same with Julian. Well, it was too late to dwell on that now. On any of it.
Thinking of Julian, I logged on to Two Become One. Even if he wasn’t around, reading some chat room conversations might help distract me from the mess I was making. Plus, if he was online, there was no better way to get back at whoever was emailing me than to prove his or her words wrong. Even though I didn’t believe that, or that Julian could be interested in me for that matter, I needed to hear from him.
He wasn’t online but when I checked my inbox, he had left me a message. It was short, but his words lifted me out of the fog I was in. They couldn’t have been more different from those of
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