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Authors: Catherynne M. Valente
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Wind began to laugh. After a moment, the Leopard of Little Breezes joined in, and even her laughter had spots.
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CHAPTER IV
T HE O NCE AND F UTURE C LUB
In Which September Is Inducted into a Secret Society, Meets a Number of Nefarious Neâer-do-wells, Interrogates a Dinosaur, and Comes to a Decision
Imagine a room where George Washington, Queen Victoria, Ivan the Terrible, Montezuma, Cleopatra, and Eleanor of Aquitaine were sharing brandy and cigars and making splendid jokes at one anotherâs expense, demanding that Emperor Qin let them all have a slice of his poppy seed cake, Charlemagne put a pot of coffee on, and Artemisia of Halicarnassus tell the one about that time she defeated the Greeks at sea. Now, imagine standing outside that room, knowing just who was in there and how fiercely and strangely they all would behave once the door opened and you had to squeeze in between Caesar and Queen Isabella and hope you knew which fork to use for poppy seed cake.
September could not decide how to knock. It had come upon her suddenly and frozen her to the spot. She had never thought much about knocking before. But, knowing what lay on the other side of that door, she could not decide whether one decisive knock was more monarchical, or a polite two raps, one after the other, or perhaps three casual whacksâhow did she knock at home? How did normal people knock? What if they could hear in her knock that she was just a human girl, not even so much as the Spinster anymore, just a terribly quick and easy midnight snack for a Rex Tyrannosaur?
September read the sign hanging on the door a few more times while she considered the question. It had been written in red pen on the back of a takeaway menu from one of Pandemoniumâs more elegant noodle houses. There seemed to have been some disagreement about the rules.
The Once and Future Club
Est. 1000 Years Ago 2000 Years Ago None of Your Business About Two Hours Ago
You Must Have Ruled with an Iron Golden Velvet SOME KIND OF FIST for at Least 5 Years 1 Year a Solid Week to Enter
No Casual Dress, Cussing, Dairy Products, or Commoners Allowed
The Watchful Dress shivered and wriggled and writhed, shaking itself out of a shift and into a lovely long tangerine-colored evening gown with a green sash. It had read the dress code instantly, and knew what was expected of it. The emerald smoking jacket felt it was already quite formal, thank you very much.
Do Queens even knock at all? September supposed they didnât. All doors were open to a Queen. All doors belonged to the Queen. And besides, this was her house now. She shouldnât be any more fearful of it than of her own bedroom door. But she had not ruled for a solid week yet. Not even a solid day. But surely some exceptions must be made for the current monarch? In the end, though her manners shuddered and hid behind her heart, September turned the knob and entered the drawing room without announcing herself in the least.
She half expected the Once and Future Club to be as crowded and noisy as the grand hall had been, with Kings and Queens hanging out of every window and dueling over dessert. But a pleasant, hushed, and half-empty room greeted her instead. Several lounge chairs and sofas had been hauled in from other parts of the Briary, for a Tyrannosaur has little need of footstools and tastefully plush pillows. Dinosaurs do, however, have great need of high ceilings and room to thrash a tail about. September could hardly see the chandelier; it hung so far up in the shadowy rafters that it looked like a distant moon. Someone had set up a slapdash bar on one end of the enormous parlor. Fringed lamps made little pools of soft, friendly light here and there, polished end tables hoisted drinks and sweets, and there was even a hastily hung portrait over the fireplace, slightly skew in its heavy silver frame. September recognized itâthe portrait of Queen Mallow she had seen in the grand hall the first time
Â
CHAPTER IV
T HE O NCE AND F UTURE C LUB
In Which September Is Inducted into a Secret Society, Meets a Number of Nefarious Neâer-do-wells, Interrogates a Dinosaur, and Comes to a Decision
Imagine a room where George Washington, Queen Victoria, Ivan the Terrible, Montezuma, Cleopatra, and Eleanor of Aquitaine were sharing brandy and cigars and making splendid jokes at one anotherâs expense, demanding that Emperor Qin let them all have a slice of his poppy seed cake, Charlemagne put a pot of coffee on, and Artemisia of Halicarnassus tell the one about that time she defeated the Greeks at sea. Now, imagine standing outside that room, knowing just who was in there and how fiercely and strangely they all would behave once the door opened and you had to squeeze in between Caesar and Queen Isabella and hope you knew which fork to use for poppy seed cake.
September could not decide how to knock. It had come upon her suddenly and frozen her to the spot. She had never thought much about knocking before. But, knowing what lay on the other side of that door, she could not decide whether one decisive knock was more monarchical, or a polite two raps, one after the other, or perhaps three casual whacksâhow did she knock at home? How did normal people knock? What if they could hear in her knock that she was just a human girl, not even so much as the Spinster anymore, just a terribly quick and easy midnight snack for a Rex Tyrannosaur?
September read the sign hanging on the door a few more times while she considered the question. It had been written in red pen on the back of a takeaway menu from one of Pandemoniumâs more elegant noodle houses. There seemed to have been some disagreement about the rules.
The Once and Future Club
Est. 1000 Years Ago 2000 Years Ago None of Your Business About Two Hours Ago
You Must Have Ruled with an Iron Golden Velvet SOME KIND OF FIST for at Least 5 Years 1 Year a Solid Week to Enter
No Casual Dress, Cussing, Dairy Products, or Commoners Allowed
The Watchful Dress shivered and wriggled and writhed, shaking itself out of a shift and into a lovely long tangerine-colored evening gown with a green sash. It had read the dress code instantly, and knew what was expected of it. The emerald smoking jacket felt it was already quite formal, thank you very much.
Do Queens even knock at all? September supposed they didnât. All doors were open to a Queen. All doors belonged to the Queen. And besides, this was her house now. She shouldnât be any more fearful of it than of her own bedroom door. But she had not ruled for a solid week yet. Not even a solid day. But surely some exceptions must be made for the current monarch? In the end, though her manners shuddered and hid behind her heart, September turned the knob and entered the drawing room without announcing herself in the least.
She half expected the Once and Future Club to be as crowded and noisy as the grand hall had been, with Kings and Queens hanging out of every window and dueling over dessert. But a pleasant, hushed, and half-empty room greeted her instead. Several lounge chairs and sofas had been hauled in from other parts of the Briary, for a Tyrannosaur has little need of footstools and tastefully plush pillows. Dinosaurs do, however, have great need of high ceilings and room to thrash a tail about. September could hardly see the chandelier; it hung so far up in the shadowy rafters that it looked like a distant moon. Someone had set up a slapdash bar on one end of the enormous parlor. Fringed lamps made little pools of soft, friendly light here and there, polished end tables hoisted drinks and sweets, and there was even a hastily hung portrait over the fireplace, slightly skew in its heavy silver frame. September recognized itâthe portrait of Queen Mallow she had seen in the grand hall the first time
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