The Ferengi Rules of Acquisition

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Authors: Ira Steven Behr
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wise man can hear profit in the wind.

     
#23
    N othing is more important than your health--except for your money.

     
#24
    L atinum can’t buy happiness, but you can sure have a blast renting it

     
#25
    Y ou can’t make a deal if you’re dead

     
#27
    T here’s nothing more dangerous than an honest businessman.

     
#31
    N ever make fun of a Ferengi’s mother…insult something he cares about instead.

     
#33
    I t never hurts to suck up to the boss.

     
#34
    W ar is good for business.

     
#35
    P eace is good for business.

     
#40
    S he can touch your lobes but never your latinum.

     
#41
    P rofit is its own reward.

     
#44
    N ever confuse wisdom with luck.

     
#45
    E xpand, or die.

     
#47
    D on’t trust a man wearing a better suit than your own.

     
#48
    T he bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

     
#52
    N ever ask when you can take.

     
#57
    G ood customers are as rare as latinum—treasure them.

     
#58
    T here is no substitute for success.

     
#59
    F ree advice is seldom cheap.

     
#60
    K eep your lies consistent.

     
#62
    T he riskier the road, the greater the profit.

     
#65
    W in or lose, there’s always Huyperian beetle snuff.

     
#69
    W hen she discusses money for “favors”, charge her what she’ll pay

     
#74
    K nowledge equals profit

     
#75
    H ome is where the heart is…but the stars are made of latinum.

     
#76
    E very once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.

     
#77
    I f you break it, I’ll charge you for it

     
#79
    B eware of the Vulcan greed for knowledge.

     
#82
    T he flimsier the product, the higher the price.

     
#85
    N ever let the competition know what you’re thinking.

     
#89
    A sk not what your profits can do for you, but what you can do for your profits.

     
#94
    F emales and finances don’t mix.

     
#97
    E nough…is never enough.

     
#98
    E very man has his price.

     
#99
    T rust is the biggest liability of all.

     
#102
    N ature decays, but latinum lasts forever.

     
#103
    S leep can interfere with profit.

     
#104
    F aith moves mountains…of inventory.

     
#106
    T here is no honour in poverty.

     
#109
    D ignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.

     
#111
    T reat people in your debt like family…exploit them.

     
#112
    N ever have sex with the boss’s sister.

     
#113
    A lways have sex with the boss.

     
#121
    E verything is for sale, even friendship.

     
#123
    E ven a blind man can recognize the glow of latinum.

     
#125
    Y ou can’t make a deal if you’re dead.

     
#139
    W ives serve, brothers inherit.

     
#141
    O nly fools pay retail.

     
#144
    T here’s nothing wrong with charity…as long as it winds up in your pocket.

     
#162
    E ven in the worst of times someone turns a profit.

     
#168
    W hisper your way to success.

     
#177
    K now your enemies…but do business with them always.

     
#181
    N ot even dishonesty can tarnish the shine of profit.

     
#189
    L et others keep their reputation. You keep their money.

     
#190
    H ear all, trust nothing.

     
#192
    N ever cheat a Klingon…unless you’re sure you can get away with it.

     
#194
    I t’s always good business to know about new customers before they walk in the door.

     
#202
    T he justification for profit is profit.

     
#203
    N ew customers are like razortoothed grubworms. They can be succulent, but sometimes they can bite back.

     
#208
    S ometimes the only thing more dangerous than a question is an answer.

     
#211
    E mployees are rungs on the ladder of success. Don’t hesitate to step on them.

     
#214
    N ever begin a negotiation on an empty stomach.

     
#217
    Y ou can’t free a fish from water.

     
#218
    A lways know what you’re buying.

     
#223
    B eware the man who doesn’t make time for  oo-mox .

     
#229
    L atinum lasts longer than lust.

     
#236
    Y ou can’t buy fate.

     
#239
    N ever be afraid to mislabel a product.

     
#242
    M ore is good…all is better.

     
#255
    A wife is a luxury…a

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