Read Online The Fat Girl by Marilyn Sachs - Free Book Online Page B

“I know it won’t be easy for her, but she’s got her job and you’d still be there. I do have to think about what’s best for Wanda.”
    “It’s kind of late for that, isn’t it?” I snapped.
    “Jeff! Jeff!” he said sadly. “You know, Jeff, I tried. But it didn’t work. It nearly killed me to leave you kids.”
    “And what about her?” I said. “What about Mom? Her whole life is the two of us. You’ve got another family. You’ve got other kids. You’re married. You’re happy.”
    I could hear myself talking at him. Attacking him. I could hear myself sounding just like my mother.
    “I know how you feel. I know you’re going to take her side. It’s only right. I know . . .”
    “You don’t know anything,” I yelled at him. “You don’t know what a lousy life she has and what a rotten thing it would be if Wanda moved out.”
    “Just let me tell you something,” my father said, leaning forward. “I don’t want to say anything about your mother. She does the best she can, and she’s a good woman, but . . . And listen, Jeff, let me talk and don’t get excited. She can’t help herself, and I know she tries. But I tried too. We were married for eight years, and I got to thinking that life wasn’t worth living. Nothing I did made any difference. She was miserable and I was miserable. So I left, and—sure, Linda and I fight sometimes, but it’s good now just being alive. And when I hear Wanda talking, when she cries and says she’s miserable, what can I do? I’m her father. I have to try and help her, don’t I, Jeff?”
    I didn’t say anything. My father watched me for a while. Then he said, “You too, Jeff. I’m your father too. If you ever needed me . . .”
    “I’m fine,” I told him. “I’m fine.”
    “But Wanda isn’t,” he said. “And I’d like her to live with me, if that’s what she wants.”
    “Mom has custody,” I told him. But I knew she wouldn’t stop Wanda if she wanted to go. My father knew that too.
    “I thought maybe you could talk to your mother.”
    “Not me,” I told him. “I’m not getting involved. I think Wanda’s a louse, and if she wants to move out, she’ll have to handle it herself.”
    “Okay, Jeff,” said my father. He patted my arm and began talking about football.
    “Your father’s very nice,” Norma told me as we drove home. “That’s the way you’ll look when you’re his age. And the boys are darling. I promised them we’d come and take them to the zoo one day.”
    “Mmm.”
    “And Linda’s very sweet and friendly. She’s such a good mother. I bet she never loses her temper.”
    “Mmm.”
    “What’s the matter, Jeff? Is something wrong?”
    I told her. “Wanda wants to move out. She says she’s not happy. My father told me tonight. He wants me to talk to my mother.”
    “So—will you?”
    “Are you kidding? Do you know what will happen to my mother if Wanda leaves?”
    Norma put an arm around my shoulder. “Poor Jeff,” she said. “Poor Jeff.”
    “It’s not me,” I told her. “It’s my mother.”
    “Well,” said Norma, “it’s easy to see why Wanda wants to move in with them. They’re a really happy family.”
    “But Wanda has some responsibilities too,” I said. “My mother’s the one who’s taken care of her all these years. My father just took off and did his own thing, while my mother was stuck with the two of us.”
    “Wanda’s only fourteen, Jeff, and if she’s really unhappy . . .”
    “It’s not fair,” I said. “It’s just not fair.”
    “Poor Jeff!” Norma said.
    She wasn’t any help. When we got to her house, I told her I was too tired to come upstairs with her, and I could see the hurt in her face. I didn’t care. I wanted to hurt her. I wanted to hurt everybody—my father, Linda, Sean, David, Wanda, and my mother too. I knew I was going to wake up scared again that night, and I did. I ate some leftover macaroni and I remembered the doglike look in Ellen’s eyes. I began