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Authors: Jasper Fforde
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too if we tried to stop him. I didn’t tell them about the Princess as they’d all guess soon enough.
‘Zoltar?’ said Perkins when I mentioned it. ‘Anyone we know?’
‘Zoltar was the sorcerer to His Tyrannical Majesty Amenemhat V,’ said Moobin, ‘and was ranked about third most powerful on the planet at the time. He turned to the dark Mystical Arts for cash, as we understand it, and was killed in an unspeakably unpleasant way not long after Amenemhat V himself.’
‘And the Eye?’ I asked. ‘I’m thinking it wasn’t a real one.’
‘It was a jewel,’ said Dame Corby, reading from the
Codex Magicalis
. ‘It says that Zoltar liked to use a staff, the top of which was adorned “with a mighty ruby the size of a goose egg”. Cut with over a thousand facets and said to dance with inner fire, the ruby was always warm to the touch, even on the coldest night. It is said that the Eye worked as a
lens
to magnify Zoltar’s huge power. After Zoltar’s death the Eye changed hands many time but not without mishap – lesser wizards “were changed into lead” when they attempted to harness its huge power.’
‘Changed to
what
?’ said Perkins.
‘Lead,’ said Dame Corby. ‘You know, the heavy metal?’
‘Oh,’ said Perkins.
‘Does it say what happened to the Eye?’ I asked.
Dame Corby turned over the page.
‘Changed hands many times – traditional reports of a curse, death to all who beheld it, ba-da-boom-ba-da-bing, usual stuff. It was definitely known to be in the possession of Suleiman the Magnificent in 1552, and was said to be instrumental in maintaining the might and power of the Ottoman Empire. It was thought to have been on one of the trains that T. E. Lawrence derailed on the Hejaz railway in 1916. It was suggested Lawrence may have owned the Eye until he died in a motorcycle accident in 1935 but nothing was found in his effects. No one’s heard of the Eye after that.’
‘I’m not so sure,’ said Kevin Zipp, ‘and I’ll relate to you a conversation I had with an ex-sorcerer named Able Quizzler a few years back.’
Everyone leaned closer.
‘Quizzler was part of the team that did the early spelling work for levitating railways,’ said Kevin, ‘but when I met him he was scratching a living doing voiceover work for I-speak-your-weight machines. He told me how he had spent the last forty years attempting to find the Eye of Zoltar, and with it restart his sorcery career. He had almost given up when he heard stories of a vast, multifaceted ruby that seemed to dance with inner fire, was warm to the touch and gave inexplicable powers to those skilled enough to tame it – and changed the unworthy to lead.’
‘The metal lead?’ said Perkins, who was having trouble grasping this.
‘Yes, the metal lead.’
‘And where was this?’ asked Lady Mawgon, who suddenly seemed interested.
‘The Eye of Zoltar was apparently seen around … the neck of Sky Pirate Wolff.’
Up until now everyone had been hanging on Kevin’s every word, but as soon as he mentioned Wolff, everyone sighed and threw up their arms in exasperation.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ said Moobin sceptically, ‘if there is a tall story kicking around, then fourteen pence to a pound Captain Wolff will be at the bottom of it.’
I knew of Captain Wolff, of course – everyone did. She was a mythical figure, also of Grade III ‘really not very likely at all’ status, who had more wild stories attached to her than almost anyone on the planet. She was blamed for many acts of aerial piracy but never caught, and sightings of her were sporadic, sketchy and prone to exaggeration. It was said that she had tamed a Cloud Leviathan personally, which is a bit like saying you rode a Zebricorn into battle after catching one. The Leviathan, an aircraft-sized flying creature of obscure origins, was seen only rarely, and photographed just once, about eight years before. The photograph was front-page news in the world’s
‘Zoltar?’ said Perkins when I mentioned it. ‘Anyone we know?’
‘Zoltar was the sorcerer to His Tyrannical Majesty Amenemhat V,’ said Moobin, ‘and was ranked about third most powerful on the planet at the time. He turned to the dark Mystical Arts for cash, as we understand it, and was killed in an unspeakably unpleasant way not long after Amenemhat V himself.’
‘And the Eye?’ I asked. ‘I’m thinking it wasn’t a real one.’
‘It was a jewel,’ said Dame Corby, reading from the
Codex Magicalis
. ‘It says that Zoltar liked to use a staff, the top of which was adorned “with a mighty ruby the size of a goose egg”. Cut with over a thousand facets and said to dance with inner fire, the ruby was always warm to the touch, even on the coldest night. It is said that the Eye worked as a
lens
to magnify Zoltar’s huge power. After Zoltar’s death the Eye changed hands many time but not without mishap – lesser wizards “were changed into lead” when they attempted to harness its huge power.’
‘Changed to
what
?’ said Perkins.
‘Lead,’ said Dame Corby. ‘You know, the heavy metal?’
‘Oh,’ said Perkins.
‘Does it say what happened to the Eye?’ I asked.
Dame Corby turned over the page.
‘Changed hands many times – traditional reports of a curse, death to all who beheld it, ba-da-boom-ba-da-bing, usual stuff. It was definitely known to be in the possession of Suleiman the Magnificent in 1552, and was said to be instrumental in maintaining the might and power of the Ottoman Empire. It was thought to have been on one of the trains that T. E. Lawrence derailed on the Hejaz railway in 1916. It was suggested Lawrence may have owned the Eye until he died in a motorcycle accident in 1935 but nothing was found in his effects. No one’s heard of the Eye after that.’
‘I’m not so sure,’ said Kevin Zipp, ‘and I’ll relate to you a conversation I had with an ex-sorcerer named Able Quizzler a few years back.’
Everyone leaned closer.
‘Quizzler was part of the team that did the early spelling work for levitating railways,’ said Kevin, ‘but when I met him he was scratching a living doing voiceover work for I-speak-your-weight machines. He told me how he had spent the last forty years attempting to find the Eye of Zoltar, and with it restart his sorcery career. He had almost given up when he heard stories of a vast, multifaceted ruby that seemed to dance with inner fire, was warm to the touch and gave inexplicable powers to those skilled enough to tame it – and changed the unworthy to lead.’
‘The metal lead?’ said Perkins, who was having trouble grasping this.
‘Yes, the metal lead.’
‘And where was this?’ asked Lady Mawgon, who suddenly seemed interested.
‘The Eye of Zoltar was apparently seen around … the neck of Sky Pirate Wolff.’
Up until now everyone had been hanging on Kevin’s every word, but as soon as he mentioned Wolff, everyone sighed and threw up their arms in exasperation.
‘Oh, for goodness’ sake,’ said Moobin sceptically, ‘if there is a tall story kicking around, then fourteen pence to a pound Captain Wolff will be at the bottom of it.’
I knew of Captain Wolff, of course – everyone did. She was a mythical figure, also of Grade III ‘really not very likely at all’ status, who had more wild stories attached to her than almost anyone on the planet. She was blamed for many acts of aerial piracy but never caught, and sightings of her were sporadic, sketchy and prone to exaggeration. It was said that she had tamed a Cloud Leviathan personally, which is a bit like saying you rode a Zebricorn into battle after catching one. The Leviathan, an aircraft-sized flying creature of obscure origins, was seen only rarely, and photographed just once, about eight years before. The photograph was front-page news in the world’s
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