short notice. And on a Saturday morning when so many of you have papers to write and tests to study for-"
"Eat me!" someone shouted in the dark.
A female professor jumped up quickly. "Quiet! All of you!"
"-so I'll make this as short and as informative as possible: For those of you who haven't heard the news or read about it in the latest edition of The Alley Citizen, our student newspaper-" Porter handled his copy of The Alley Citizen as if it had come with a fish in it. "-a number of things have happened to the old girl, our university."
He placed the newspaper off to the side. "Late Friday afternoon, a weapon similar to old-style disassemblers destroyed part of the physics lab, causing millions of dollars of damage. I mention that because, as most of you know, a few hours later our Engine broke down and we had to return to real-space, which I'm sure you all experienced. It certainly caused Mrs. Porter a little scare."
Somebody hooted. Somebody else made farting sounds with his hands in his armpits.
"Hey!" the female professor shouted over her shoulder.
The president went on. "According to the Kuulo Kuumottoomaa, the Engine suffered an unexpected energy drain which caused a systemic ripple effect, destroying the Engine completely."
"Yeah? Well, at least we didn't blow the fuck up," someone else shouted.
The female professor jumped to her feet and shouted, "If I have to go up there, mister, you're going to really regret it!"
A mock-frightened hush fell over the crowd.
"The Engine failure may be linked to the damage done to the physics lab," Porter continued. "But we don't know yet. We are looking into every aspect of the case-"
The auditorium filled with snickers and somebody yelled "Blow job!" and now several professors down in front were actively scanning the auditorium for the scattered malcontents.
Porter said, "The Kuulo did say that the Enamorati will cooperate fully in all of our investigations, providing that our need for information doesn't violate the Enamorati Compact. I find no trouble with this."
For an anxious moment Julia thought that the president would next mention something about Jingle Bear, since her bear's death seemed to be part, in some vague way, of what had happened. But Porter either didn't know about it or hadn't thought it important enough to mention.
"Since the Enamorati Compact forbids us to interfere with Enamorati affairs, we have no choice but to let them conduct their own investigation of the Engine's failure. We will wait for their report. In the meantime, we will be conducting our own investigations and I urge everyone to give campus security your fullest cooperation, especially those of you who might happen to have been in the science wings when the weapon was set off. We're all in the same boat, after all."
The president's smile reappeared. "Once the cause of the Engine malfunction has been discovered and analyzed, the Enamorati will be jettisoning the old Engine and replacing it with a new one. Depending on the availability and location of the nearest Engine, we estimate that we can be back on our Alley circuit in three weeks."
A collective groan went up through the crowd, but this time no faculty member tried to quell it.
Somebody threw his other shoe at the screen.
"We aren't exactly helpless out here, however," the president said calmly. "Physics and Engineering, who were up all night working on the problem, have informed me that we do have a means of getting us to the nearest human-habitable planet. Astronomy tells me that we are just three light-days away from what appears to be a main-sequence M-type star that has at least one habitable planet. We were very lucky in this.
"As you know, our part of the Sagittarius Alley is very, very small. There are thousands of stars within a hundred light-years of the Earth and we've only explored a fraction of those. So this new star and its planets will be a wonderful opportunity for us all. Who knows? We might even make a
"Eat me!" someone shouted in the dark.
A female professor jumped up quickly. "Quiet! All of you!"
"-so I'll make this as short and as informative as possible: For those of you who haven't heard the news or read about it in the latest edition of The Alley Citizen, our student newspaper-" Porter handled his copy of The Alley Citizen as if it had come with a fish in it. "-a number of things have happened to the old girl, our university."
He placed the newspaper off to the side. "Late Friday afternoon, a weapon similar to old-style disassemblers destroyed part of the physics lab, causing millions of dollars of damage. I mention that because, as most of you know, a few hours later our Engine broke down and we had to return to real-space, which I'm sure you all experienced. It certainly caused Mrs. Porter a little scare."
Somebody hooted. Somebody else made farting sounds with his hands in his armpits.
"Hey!" the female professor shouted over her shoulder.
The president went on. "According to the Kuulo Kuumottoomaa, the Engine suffered an unexpected energy drain which caused a systemic ripple effect, destroying the Engine completely."
"Yeah? Well, at least we didn't blow the fuck up," someone else shouted.
The female professor jumped to her feet and shouted, "If I have to go up there, mister, you're going to really regret it!"
A mock-frightened hush fell over the crowd.
"The Engine failure may be linked to the damage done to the physics lab," Porter continued. "But we don't know yet. We are looking into every aspect of the case-"
The auditorium filled with snickers and somebody yelled "Blow job!" and now several professors down in front were actively scanning the auditorium for the scattered malcontents.
Porter said, "The Kuulo did say that the Enamorati will cooperate fully in all of our investigations, providing that our need for information doesn't violate the Enamorati Compact. I find no trouble with this."
For an anxious moment Julia thought that the president would next mention something about Jingle Bear, since her bear's death seemed to be part, in some vague way, of what had happened. But Porter either didn't know about it or hadn't thought it important enough to mention.
"Since the Enamorati Compact forbids us to interfere with Enamorati affairs, we have no choice but to let them conduct their own investigation of the Engine's failure. We will wait for their report. In the meantime, we will be conducting our own investigations and I urge everyone to give campus security your fullest cooperation, especially those of you who might happen to have been in the science wings when the weapon was set off. We're all in the same boat, after all."
The president's smile reappeared. "Once the cause of the Engine malfunction has been discovered and analyzed, the Enamorati will be jettisoning the old Engine and replacing it with a new one. Depending on the availability and location of the nearest Engine, we estimate that we can be back on our Alley circuit in three weeks."
A collective groan went up through the crowd, but this time no faculty member tried to quell it.
Somebody threw his other shoe at the screen.
"We aren't exactly helpless out here, however," the president said calmly. "Physics and Engineering, who were up all night working on the problem, have informed me that we do have a means of getting us to the nearest human-habitable planet. Astronomy tells me that we are just three light-days away from what appears to be a main-sequence M-type star that has at least one habitable planet. We were very lucky in this.
"As you know, our part of the Sagittarius Alley is very, very small. There are thousands of stars within a hundred light-years of the Earth and we've only explored a fraction of those. So this new star and its planets will be a wonderful opportunity for us all. Who knows? We might even make a
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