comparing … this love-making with the selfish sexual demands usually made of me.
I reached down and stroked him, now so firm and erect. I longed to feel him inside me, but I was afraid of rushing him again.
I trapped his hand between my thighs and sat up. He looked surprised and suddenly unsure of himself. I leaned over and kissed him, more forcefully this time, rocking onto him. With his free hand, he wound his fingers through my hair and kissed me back, letting himself go further and take more.
Then he ran his hand over my breasts, and gently pulled on one nipple. The sensation was overwhelming and shocking, an orgasm taking me by surprise. His fingers must have felt the ripples of my pleasure, and he could see the way my body arched and stiffened. So unexpected, so confusing. For me, orgasms were a solitary pursuit; this was new.
“Are you okay?” he asked hesitantly.
It took me a moment to find my voice. “Yes. Very okay. Very, very okay.”
And for the first time that evening, he smiled.
I’d guessed, and I think I’d guessed right, that this was all new to Sebastian, but he made me feel things I’d never experienced before—love and passion. I just hadn’t realized … I didn’t know it could be like this.
“Now your turn,” I said.
A quizzical expression crossed his face. Then a look of understanding as I sat up and kneeled across him. I leaned down to kiss him as his hands snaked around my back, pulling me toward him. He moaned against my mouth, and I pushed myself upright again.
This time I raised my hips and used my hands to guide him inside me. Slowly, I sank down onto him, my eyes closed; I heard him gasp.
At last I could feel every inch of him inside. I took his hands and pressed them against my belly.
“Can you feel yourself inside me?”
His face was filled with amazement.
“Yes,” he whispered. “I can.”
I leaned forward again, my hands resting on his chest, moving my hips up and down in a steady rhythm. He pushed his head back into the pillow, his mouth open, absorbing the new sensation. I felt his body flexing into mine, pushing himself deep inside me.
He began to move faster, more confidently, more desperately, and I let the feeling carry me with him.
I opened my eyes to find his locked on mine, almost feral in their intensity. I moved faster, meeting each movement he made, grinding down as he squeezed his eyes shut, his hands locked over mine. He came quietly as his body quivered inside me. I fell forward onto his chest, breathless and relieved.
We lay peacefully for a few minutes, and I listened to the sound of his heart, slowing to its normal rhythm. Then I slid off him and lay on my back. I think I was smiling.
I felt the bed move, and I opened one eye; he was leaning on his elbow looking down at me.
“Hi,” I said, almost shyly. “You okay?”
He nodded solemnly. “That was … that was…”
“Yes, it was.”
I stroked his cheek, and his eyes closed with a sigh. Then he turned his lips toward my hand and kissed the palm. The unexpected, intimate gesture took me by surprise.
“I love you, Caroline. I always have. My whole life.”
I smothered a delighted laugh.
“That’s a very long time,” I teased him. “You’re only 18—your whole life isn’t that much, really.”
He smiled. “It feels like it sometimes. Anyway, I’m not 18 for another four months; I’ll let you know then.”
As I processed his words, cold shock rushed through me, and a look of abject horror etched itself on my face.
“What?” I couldn’t believe the words he’d just said.
He looked at me, puzzled.
“You … you’re only seventeen? ”
He nodded, his expression anxious.
“For God’s sake, Sebastian! Seventeen? ”
Shit! Shit! Shit!
He looked at me nervously. “What’s the matter?”
I threw my arm over my eyes, unable to look at him. What had I done? What the fuck had I done?
“Please, Caroline. You’re scaring me.”
I took a deep breath and turned
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