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Authors: Kerry Schafer
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rules. "Mia's upstairs. She'll be all rightâwe got to her in time, though it was a bit of a near thing. Charcoal, stomach pump. She's miserable but alive. Sad business, that."
"Tragic." Long practice let me keep my tone neutral despite a sudden tightness in my throat.
"I didn't know you guys were friendsâ¦"
"It's a strange world," I said, cutting off that line of questioning. "Can I see her?"
"She's off my ward and out of my hands, but I can't imagine anybody will object. ICU. Second room." He put a hand on my shoulder, professional but with a little added warmth for unremembered old times' sake. "Seriously, she's physically fine. ICU is for close observation, just to make sure the pills don't depress her respirations too much. Protocol. If she was really bad we'd have shipped her south to Spokane."
"Thanks," I said, meaning it. I took the stairs. Elevators are a necessary evil sometimes, but this hospital was only two stories and it was easier to walk. The ICU desk was emptyâI could hear the nurse talking behind one of the glass doors. There were only five rooms, and I slipped into Mia's without being challenged.
She was very pale, her hair a little mussed, her lips stained black from the charcoal. Her eyelids were heavy, but her smile when she saw me was luminous.
"Thank you," she said.
This was not at all what I'd been expecting, and I had no idea what to say. She must have seen the confusion on my face, because she added, "I see now. Thanks to the dream, it's all perfectly clear."
I saw absolutely nothing. "Well, butâif it's all so clear, thenâ¦" My voice trailed off into silence. When she didn't respond I said, bluntly, "Why kill yourself?"
For a moment her eyes widened and she looked confused, and then a flush stained her pale cheeks. "Oh, you mean the pills? I'm so embarrassed about that. I'd never kill myselfâJayden needs me. It's just that I wanted to stay in the dream and I kept waking up. I kept taking pills so I could go back to sleep. Nothing else seemed to matter."
Everything about that visit confused me. Maybe they'd medicated her with happy pills; maybe the effects of the OD were lingering. This seemed like a good hypothesis when her eyelids drifted shut. But when I made a move to leave, her eyes opened and she reached out and grabbed my hand.
"People kept telling me that I'd be free if I could forgive my father. I thought they were crazy. But it's true. As for Zackâ¦" Her face crumpled and tears spilled down her cheeks. It was a minute before she could speak. "It's a clean grief. No regrets. Nothing undone. And the loveâit's there forever, like he said."
I wanted to ask more, but at that moment a little boy clattered in, stopping dead when he saw the white bed and the IV machine, and his mother lying there. "Hey," she said, patting the bed beside her. "Come on up here."
"My shoes ⦠I'm muddy."
"Forget the mud for once." She held out her arms and he was there in a heartbeat. The woman at the door, probably the sister, smiled at me politely but didn't ask questions, heading straight over to the bed herself. "Are you all right? I was worried sickâ"
No goodbyes from me. I wasn't needed here.
Chapter Ten
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T he lake and I had unfinished business, and when I left the hospital I drove directly to the accident site. When I saw the truck with the Alderson's Forestry Products logo parked by the road, I was tempted to keep driving.
I didn't. Will was another mess I needed to clean up. For the moment, at least, I was through running.
He stood on the shore with his back to me, skipping stones, and didn't look up at my approach. For the first time since I'd come home I saw him as he really was, without the overlay of the boy I remembered. He was built strong, but didn't have the need to show it off like Marsh. The t-shirt he wore was loose, his jeans were faded and there was a grease stain on one knee. Sunlight glinted in his hair, once almost
"Tragic." Long practice let me keep my tone neutral despite a sudden tightness in my throat.
"I didn't know you guys were friendsâ¦"
"It's a strange world," I said, cutting off that line of questioning. "Can I see her?"
"She's off my ward and out of my hands, but I can't imagine anybody will object. ICU. Second room." He put a hand on my shoulder, professional but with a little added warmth for unremembered old times' sake. "Seriously, she's physically fine. ICU is for close observation, just to make sure the pills don't depress her respirations too much. Protocol. If she was really bad we'd have shipped her south to Spokane."
"Thanks," I said, meaning it. I took the stairs. Elevators are a necessary evil sometimes, but this hospital was only two stories and it was easier to walk. The ICU desk was emptyâI could hear the nurse talking behind one of the glass doors. There were only five rooms, and I slipped into Mia's without being challenged.
She was very pale, her hair a little mussed, her lips stained black from the charcoal. Her eyelids were heavy, but her smile when she saw me was luminous.
"Thank you," she said.
This was not at all what I'd been expecting, and I had no idea what to say. She must have seen the confusion on my face, because she added, "I see now. Thanks to the dream, it's all perfectly clear."
I saw absolutely nothing. "Well, butâif it's all so clear, thenâ¦" My voice trailed off into silence. When she didn't respond I said, bluntly, "Why kill yourself?"
For a moment her eyes widened and she looked confused, and then a flush stained her pale cheeks. "Oh, you mean the pills? I'm so embarrassed about that. I'd never kill myselfâJayden needs me. It's just that I wanted to stay in the dream and I kept waking up. I kept taking pills so I could go back to sleep. Nothing else seemed to matter."
Everything about that visit confused me. Maybe they'd medicated her with happy pills; maybe the effects of the OD were lingering. This seemed like a good hypothesis when her eyelids drifted shut. But when I made a move to leave, her eyes opened and she reached out and grabbed my hand.
"People kept telling me that I'd be free if I could forgive my father. I thought they were crazy. But it's true. As for Zackâ¦" Her face crumpled and tears spilled down her cheeks. It was a minute before she could speak. "It's a clean grief. No regrets. Nothing undone. And the loveâit's there forever, like he said."
I wanted to ask more, but at that moment a little boy clattered in, stopping dead when he saw the white bed and the IV machine, and his mother lying there. "Hey," she said, patting the bed beside her. "Come on up here."
"My shoes ⦠I'm muddy."
"Forget the mud for once." She held out her arms and he was there in a heartbeat. The woman at the door, probably the sister, smiled at me politely but didn't ask questions, heading straight over to the bed herself. "Are you all right? I was worried sickâ"
No goodbyes from me. I wasn't needed here.
Chapter Ten
Â
Â
T he lake and I had unfinished business, and when I left the hospital I drove directly to the accident site. When I saw the truck with the Alderson's Forestry Products logo parked by the road, I was tempted to keep driving.
I didn't. Will was another mess I needed to clean up. For the moment, at least, I was through running.
He stood on the shore with his back to me, skipping stones, and didn't look up at my approach. For the first time since I'd come home I saw him as he really was, without the overlay of the boy I remembered. He was built strong, but didn't have the need to show it off like Marsh. The t-shirt he wore was loose, his jeans were faded and there was a grease stain on one knee. Sunlight glinted in his hair, once almost
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