Jenny—“just like Watergate. I won't be silenced!” she screamed, pounding her fist on her thigh. “I won't!”
Clarissa banged her gavel on the judges’ bench. “Marco, please remove Kelly from the witness stand.”
Marco approached Kelly, offering her his hand. She refused it, choosing instead to leap from her chair and run out of the room as if she were being chased.
“What a nutjob,” I whispered to Priya. Then, out the corner of my eye, I noticed that Clarissa's gavel was covered in what looked like rhinestones. “Does Clarissa have a Bedazzled gavel?”
Priya stared at me like I was as crazy as Kelly Silver. “What other kind of gavel is there?”
“Never mind.”
“Eric,” Clarissa said, asserting her control over the room, “you may call your next witness.”
“Gladly,” Eric replied. “The prosecution would like to call Mark Durango to the stand.”
By the end of the trial, two things were clear:
1. Mark and Erin were fooling around behind Rosie Goldstein's back.
2. I shouldn't have drunk an entire iced coffee beforehand; I had to pee like whoa.
During the break, while the jury deliberated—this could take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or so—I used the bathroom and found my way back tothe judges’ bench. Clarissa was chatting with Mr. Townsen, while Priya and Lili were debating the benefits of using pore-cleansing facial masks before bed.
“They just suck everything right out of you,” Priya was saying. “Like a vacuum cleaner, but for your face. And who doesn't want that?”
“What do you think is taking so long?” I asked, sitting down.
Lili shook her head. “No idea. This one is pretty simple.”
“What should their punishment be?” I asked. “No PDA?”
“Eh,” Lili said. “It's been done.”
“What about if, like, they have to walk around the school in handcuffs?” Priya suggested, smiling.
“First of all,” I said, “I don't think we're allowed to demand that people wear handcuffs. Secondly, we want to keep Mark and Erin apart —not allow them to be together twenty-four/seven.”
“You're right,” Priya said, smacking her forehead. “What about, instead of handcuffs, they have to wear, like, friendship bracelets? Made out of hemp! They'd have to wear them every day”—Priya started laughing maniacally— “or else.”
Lili rolled her eyes. “No, sweetie. Just… no.”
Clarissa chose that moment to reenter the conversation, slipping into her seat between Lili and Priya and wrapping her arms around them, pulling us into a tight clump. We called this our Deliberation Pose. The four of us would tilt our heads so that our haircovered our faces and, in soft voices, decide the fate of whoever was on trial.
“Obviously Emily and Mark are going to be found guilty,” Clarissa said without even a hint of doubt. “Thoughts on punishment?”
We ran down the typical sentencing for cheating on a significant other.
“I don't know,” Clarissa said, “this all just seems so … uninspired. Marni, what do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I just said. What should their punishment be?”
I was confused. Usually, that was Clarissa's job. “You want me to decide?”
“Why not?”
She had a point. Why not decide? I had been cheated on. I knew the score.
“Think about it,” Clarissa instructed, pulling us out of our huddle. “Fast. The jury is back.”
As expected, the jury found Erin and Mark guilty of Cheating in the First Degree and of Being Skanky Exhibitionists Who Don't Know How to Properly Administer Hickeys.
“This is ridiculous,” Jenny Murphy said, loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Clarissa shot her a death glare.
“That's all,” said Jake Snider (juror no. 1), taking his seat. He passed the verdict over to Clarissa, who looked at me eagerly.
I cleared my throat. It was Now or Never. “On behalf of the court,” I said, trying to invoke even the slightest bit of Clarissa's authority, “the
Clarissa banged her gavel on the judges’ bench. “Marco, please remove Kelly from the witness stand.”
Marco approached Kelly, offering her his hand. She refused it, choosing instead to leap from her chair and run out of the room as if she were being chased.
“What a nutjob,” I whispered to Priya. Then, out the corner of my eye, I noticed that Clarissa's gavel was covered in what looked like rhinestones. “Does Clarissa have a Bedazzled gavel?”
Priya stared at me like I was as crazy as Kelly Silver. “What other kind of gavel is there?”
“Never mind.”
“Eric,” Clarissa said, asserting her control over the room, “you may call your next witness.”
“Gladly,” Eric replied. “The prosecution would like to call Mark Durango to the stand.”
By the end of the trial, two things were clear:
1. Mark and Erin were fooling around behind Rosie Goldstein's back.
2. I shouldn't have drunk an entire iced coffee beforehand; I had to pee like whoa.
During the break, while the jury deliberated—this could take anywhere from a few minutes to an hour or so—I used the bathroom and found my way back tothe judges’ bench. Clarissa was chatting with Mr. Townsen, while Priya and Lili were debating the benefits of using pore-cleansing facial masks before bed.
“They just suck everything right out of you,” Priya was saying. “Like a vacuum cleaner, but for your face. And who doesn't want that?”
“What do you think is taking so long?” I asked, sitting down.
Lili shook her head. “No idea. This one is pretty simple.”
“What should their punishment be?” I asked. “No PDA?”
“Eh,” Lili said. “It's been done.”
“What about if, like, they have to walk around the school in handcuffs?” Priya suggested, smiling.
“First of all,” I said, “I don't think we're allowed to demand that people wear handcuffs. Secondly, we want to keep Mark and Erin apart —not allow them to be together twenty-four/seven.”
“You're right,” Priya said, smacking her forehead. “What about, instead of handcuffs, they have to wear, like, friendship bracelets? Made out of hemp! They'd have to wear them every day”—Priya started laughing maniacally— “or else.”
Lili rolled her eyes. “No, sweetie. Just… no.”
Clarissa chose that moment to reenter the conversation, slipping into her seat between Lili and Priya and wrapping her arms around them, pulling us into a tight clump. We called this our Deliberation Pose. The four of us would tilt our heads so that our haircovered our faces and, in soft voices, decide the fate of whoever was on trial.
“Obviously Emily and Mark are going to be found guilty,” Clarissa said without even a hint of doubt. “Thoughts on punishment?”
We ran down the typical sentencing for cheating on a significant other.
“I don't know,” Clarissa said, “this all just seems so … uninspired. Marni, what do you think?”
“What do you mean?”
“Exactly what I just said. What should their punishment be?”
I was confused. Usually, that was Clarissa's job. “You want me to decide?”
“Why not?”
She had a point. Why not decide? I had been cheated on. I knew the score.
“Think about it,” Clarissa instructed, pulling us out of our huddle. “Fast. The jury is back.”
As expected, the jury found Erin and Mark guilty of Cheating in the First Degree and of Being Skanky Exhibitionists Who Don't Know How to Properly Administer Hickeys.
“This is ridiculous,” Jenny Murphy said, loudly enough for everyone to hear.
Clarissa shot her a death glare.
“That's all,” said Jake Snider (juror no. 1), taking his seat. He passed the verdict over to Clarissa, who looked at me eagerly.
I cleared my throat. It was Now or Never. “On behalf of the court,” I said, trying to invoke even the slightest bit of Clarissa's authority, “the
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