move.
You are one of the brightest young men we have here, leaning back in his chair, but I dont give a damn how bright you are, youre not doing the corporation any good when you are not here. You understand me? A slight nod. You can have a great future here. You have all the equipment to go right to the top of the ladder . . . the very top. But—and this is the most important thing in your life—you have to want it. You have to want it more than anything else. Thats the key to success. It is available, but it is not going to be given to you. We can give you the opportunity, that is all. You have to do the work. Do I make myself clear?
Yes sir. Completely, hoping that the end was near so he could collapse at his desk and breathe.
Good. Now go ahead and do the kind of job I know you are capable of doing, and give it to Mrs. Wills when you are finished.
He made it. He was sitting at his desk and his body and mind were slowly, but steadily, relaxing, and his breathing came easier and he sat for many minutes, shaking his head in
(50)
disbelief—disbelief that the turmoil was subsiding, and disbelief that he could react the way he had. He was still trembling, slightly, from fear.
When he thought he had sat at his desk long enough to impress anyone who might be watching, he went to the mens room. He bathed his face with cold water, then sat on a commode, with the top down, for a few minutes to relax. He wished he could take his clothes off and take a cold shower and put on dry clothes. After a few minutes he nodded his head, got up and went back to his desk and applied himself to his work. There was not too much more he could do on the Compton & Brisbane proposal until he got the notes from Louise, so he involved himself in another project. As he worked he slowly became aware that both his legs were bouncing up and down, and that he was feeling very squirmy in his crotch. He unobtrusively reached down and scratched his crotch a few times, then rubbed it and became aware of the fact that he had a painful hard-on. He suddenly started thinking of Mary and wondered if he should go over to the park— she/d be there in a few minutes—and take her to the hotel, but he quickly nixed that idea. He had to be here today, no matter what. But krist, he was horny. He never felt like this before. At least not that he remembered. The feeling overwhelmed him. He tried to concentrate on his work and all he could think of was his erection and the squirming in his crotch, and when he looked at the papers on his desk, he kept seeing Marys hairy bush and feeling the flesh of her ass between his teeth, or one of her tits in his mouth, and he fidgeted in his seat until he could no longer stand it, then guiltily looked around before getting up and going to the mens room and masturbating. When he finished he sat on the commode, his pants around his ankles, his head hanging dejectedly, sweat dripping down his face, swallowing a vile and bitter nausea he had never tasted before, trying to remember the last time he jerked off, but unable to. He turned red with guilt and remorse and shook his head, perplexed, wondering why he felt the way he did.
(51)
Screw it. He stood up and dressed, washed his hands, splashed more cold water on his face, then went out to lunch.
He lost himself, and his thoughts and feelings, in the crowds on the streets and in the stores, before eating a sandwich in a coffee shop, then drifting with the crowds again. He continually glanced at his watch and made sure he got back at least five or ten minutes early.
When he got back to his desk, he felt weary and confused, but at least he was not battling an onslaught of unfamiliar feelings, and so he was able to lose himself in his work. In the middle of the afternoon Louise gave him the notes, and so he was absorbed in them for the remainder of the day and in fact was surprised, pleasantly, when Louise tapped him on the shoulder at five and told
You are one of the brightest young men we have here, leaning back in his chair, but I dont give a damn how bright you are, youre not doing the corporation any good when you are not here. You understand me? A slight nod. You can have a great future here. You have all the equipment to go right to the top of the ladder . . . the very top. But—and this is the most important thing in your life—you have to want it. You have to want it more than anything else. Thats the key to success. It is available, but it is not going to be given to you. We can give you the opportunity, that is all. You have to do the work. Do I make myself clear?
Yes sir. Completely, hoping that the end was near so he could collapse at his desk and breathe.
Good. Now go ahead and do the kind of job I know you are capable of doing, and give it to Mrs. Wills when you are finished.
He made it. He was sitting at his desk and his body and mind were slowly, but steadily, relaxing, and his breathing came easier and he sat for many minutes, shaking his head in
(50)
disbelief—disbelief that the turmoil was subsiding, and disbelief that he could react the way he had. He was still trembling, slightly, from fear.
When he thought he had sat at his desk long enough to impress anyone who might be watching, he went to the mens room. He bathed his face with cold water, then sat on a commode, with the top down, for a few minutes to relax. He wished he could take his clothes off and take a cold shower and put on dry clothes. After a few minutes he nodded his head, got up and went back to his desk and applied himself to his work. There was not too much more he could do on the Compton & Brisbane proposal until he got the notes from Louise, so he involved himself in another project. As he worked he slowly became aware that both his legs were bouncing up and down, and that he was feeling very squirmy in his crotch. He unobtrusively reached down and scratched his crotch a few times, then rubbed it and became aware of the fact that he had a painful hard-on. He suddenly started thinking of Mary and wondered if he should go over to the park— she/d be there in a few minutes—and take her to the hotel, but he quickly nixed that idea. He had to be here today, no matter what. But krist, he was horny. He never felt like this before. At least not that he remembered. The feeling overwhelmed him. He tried to concentrate on his work and all he could think of was his erection and the squirming in his crotch, and when he looked at the papers on his desk, he kept seeing Marys hairy bush and feeling the flesh of her ass between his teeth, or one of her tits in his mouth, and he fidgeted in his seat until he could no longer stand it, then guiltily looked around before getting up and going to the mens room and masturbating. When he finished he sat on the commode, his pants around his ankles, his head hanging dejectedly, sweat dripping down his face, swallowing a vile and bitter nausea he had never tasted before, trying to remember the last time he jerked off, but unable to. He turned red with guilt and remorse and shook his head, perplexed, wondering why he felt the way he did.
(51)
Screw it. He stood up and dressed, washed his hands, splashed more cold water on his face, then went out to lunch.
He lost himself, and his thoughts and feelings, in the crowds on the streets and in the stores, before eating a sandwich in a coffee shop, then drifting with the crowds again. He continually glanced at his watch and made sure he got back at least five or ten minutes early.
When he got back to his desk, he felt weary and confused, but at least he was not battling an onslaught of unfamiliar feelings, and so he was able to lose himself in his work. In the middle of the afternoon Louise gave him the notes, and so he was absorbed in them for the remainder of the day and in fact was surprised, pleasantly, when Louise tapped him on the shoulder at five and told
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