nothing I’ve ever heard before. It fills my ears like a beautiful song and for some reason I wish he would have the opportunity to laugh more often. My infuriation drains away from me with each note of his musical laughter. In the end, though, with out my anger as a crutch, I’m left weary and embarrassed.
“What’s wrong with me?” I call out into the trees surrounding us.
A small bird takes off in flight from a nearby branch.
“You’re in shock and having issues coping.” Connor answers from the ground, tossing my hat away.
I stand above him and examine his features. My fit of anger and stupidity hadn’t harmed him in the slightest. He smirks until he recognizes an emotion displayed on my face.
“Sorry for that,” I whisper, making a motion toward him.
He sits up in the dirt as I endeavor to hide my childish embarrassment by not meeting his eyes.
“No, serves me right. I knew better,” he says.
I collapse on the dirt beside him, bringing my legs into a hug. A sense of loneliness creeps over my skin, as images of Tom’s blood flowing down the creek races to the front of my mind. With the absence of anger, all the pieces of sorrow from before settle back into their hollowed out sections. A sudden all consuming want for this pretty boy to hold me, consumes my thoughts. It won’t happen even though I’m aware of his changed position- his body ever so close to mine. If I just stretch my legs, I could get a sample of the touch I crave.
“Distracting enough for you?” he asks.
I nod not fully understanding his meaning. He clarifies.
“Sparing?”
My eyes follow the pathway laid out in front of us.
“Yeah. I know what you meant,” I reply.
“You don’t have to be so distant,” he remarks.
“This coming from the guy who said he would kill me?”
“I didn’t say I would kill you, only implied I’m capable.”
I snort.
“I’m so glad we cleared that up,” I say, avoiding his gaze.
“I couldn’t hurt you and I think you know that,” Connor murmurs.
I ignore the unsteady beat of my heart that his words inflict.
“I don’t know anything anymore. Everything I thought or imagined about this place is wrong. Tom’s gone and my mind is one giant confused mess.”
I turn to him losing my words as soon as my eyes meet his. He studies me as I study him- his eyes a softer grey than before. Then Connor considers how close we are. He leans back, crossing his legs and allows me a tad more space.
“Give it time. Your head will clear up and you’ll learn the truth about this place you call “the red zone.”
“I hope so. “ I pause. “Maybe if I felt more prepared, it would help.”
I glance away and wipe a tiny ant off my arm.
“I can train you while you’re out here with us. Give you a little more perspective on fighting.” I listen as I squash a larger ant on my knee. “A different point of view always helps to build your skills,” he comments. I perceive his eyes studying the back of my head but I remain quiet. “We’re not going to hold you prisoner Millie.” Connor pauses for a long time contemplating my silence. “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have acted like I did,” he apologizes. I remain quiet hoping he will fill up the silence with more of his words. “I wasn’t expecting you. I was ready for drifters or the infected but not you,” he pauses. “Clover is the only family I’ve got left and I will do anything to protect her even act like an ass to make sure strangers don’t get any ideas.”
He takes a deep breath.
“I don’t think you would hurt her,” he says with a gentle voice. ”When she had her outburst earlier you didn’t even make a move toward her. You can get angry with me but with her, I doubt it.”
Connor was right, of course. Earlier, when Clover had gotten angry, the thought of fighting her never crossed my mind. I would’ve allowed her to beat me with her fist if it made her happy. How strange, the way I react. I
“What’s wrong with me?” I call out into the trees surrounding us.
A small bird takes off in flight from a nearby branch.
“You’re in shock and having issues coping.” Connor answers from the ground, tossing my hat away.
I stand above him and examine his features. My fit of anger and stupidity hadn’t harmed him in the slightest. He smirks until he recognizes an emotion displayed on my face.
“Sorry for that,” I whisper, making a motion toward him.
He sits up in the dirt as I endeavor to hide my childish embarrassment by not meeting his eyes.
“No, serves me right. I knew better,” he says.
I collapse on the dirt beside him, bringing my legs into a hug. A sense of loneliness creeps over my skin, as images of Tom’s blood flowing down the creek races to the front of my mind. With the absence of anger, all the pieces of sorrow from before settle back into their hollowed out sections. A sudden all consuming want for this pretty boy to hold me, consumes my thoughts. It won’t happen even though I’m aware of his changed position- his body ever so close to mine. If I just stretch my legs, I could get a sample of the touch I crave.
“Distracting enough for you?” he asks.
I nod not fully understanding his meaning. He clarifies.
“Sparing?”
My eyes follow the pathway laid out in front of us.
“Yeah. I know what you meant,” I reply.
“You don’t have to be so distant,” he remarks.
“This coming from the guy who said he would kill me?”
“I didn’t say I would kill you, only implied I’m capable.”
I snort.
“I’m so glad we cleared that up,” I say, avoiding his gaze.
“I couldn’t hurt you and I think you know that,” Connor murmurs.
I ignore the unsteady beat of my heart that his words inflict.
“I don’t know anything anymore. Everything I thought or imagined about this place is wrong. Tom’s gone and my mind is one giant confused mess.”
I turn to him losing my words as soon as my eyes meet his. He studies me as I study him- his eyes a softer grey than before. Then Connor considers how close we are. He leans back, crossing his legs and allows me a tad more space.
“Give it time. Your head will clear up and you’ll learn the truth about this place you call “the red zone.”
“I hope so. “ I pause. “Maybe if I felt more prepared, it would help.”
I glance away and wipe a tiny ant off my arm.
“I can train you while you’re out here with us. Give you a little more perspective on fighting.” I listen as I squash a larger ant on my knee. “A different point of view always helps to build your skills,” he comments. I perceive his eyes studying the back of my head but I remain quiet. “We’re not going to hold you prisoner Millie.” Connor pauses for a long time contemplating my silence. “I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have acted like I did,” he apologizes. I remain quiet hoping he will fill up the silence with more of his words. “I wasn’t expecting you. I was ready for drifters or the infected but not you,” he pauses. “Clover is the only family I’ve got left and I will do anything to protect her even act like an ass to make sure strangers don’t get any ideas.”
He takes a deep breath.
“I don’t think you would hurt her,” he says with a gentle voice. ”When she had her outburst earlier you didn’t even make a move toward her. You can get angry with me but with her, I doubt it.”
Connor was right, of course. Earlier, when Clover had gotten angry, the thought of fighting her never crossed my mind. I would’ve allowed her to beat me with her fist if it made her happy. How strange, the way I react. I
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