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Authors: Travis Stone
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red
brick-dust.
She kept going.
When she reached Cam 's building, Amai was
panting hard. She looked back; no one had followed her; no one was paying her
any attention, but a small crowd had formed at the lane's entrance. Amai's
limbs felt cold and heavy.
She climbed the
internal spiral of thin metal stairs to the third floor. It was cool and
gloomy. Her feet clanged on the iron steps, and a musty smell drifted down from
the rooms above.
Amai knocked on Cam 's door, but got no answer. She felt on
the verge of panic and banged the door with the edge of her fist.
She's not
home, Amai thought. I've got to get in.
She remembered
seeing some thin plastic banding outside on the pavement, and went down to get
it.
Outside she felt
exposed. Two Army jeeps and an ambulance rounded the corner. She snatched up
the plastic, shrank back into the doorway, and ran up the stairs.
Amai flattened
the plastic and forced it between the jamb and the lock. The door opened and
she went in.
Amai was annoyed
to find Cam sitting
cross-legged in the centre of the room. Cam was a picture of peace: eyes closed, breathing slow, chanting
softly, while behind her, down in the harbor, cranes moved like the mechanical
fangs of giant spiders, feeding on a helpless prey of paralyzed steel.
Cam often said that meditation connected her with the divine; the
mantra focusing her mind until her sense of self expanded out into the peace of
full transcendence. It was at this time that her psychic energy was strongest.
Cam 's eyes opened.
Amai went to
her. 'Did you not hear the explosion?'
'What
explosion?' Cam unfolded
herself, stood, and took her in a sisterly embrace. 'What is it, petal?' Cam said. What's wrong?'
Tears welled in
Amai's eyes, but didn't spill. 'Too many things, Cam- '
'You're in
trouble.'
Amai vomited her
words: 'Triet will cut off Nhu An's hands if I don't get information from an
American-'
'No.' Cam said. 'No-'
'I must. Nhu An-'
'We'll get a
message to her. She can go into hiding-'
'No Cam . Triet's serious. They'll find her. I
have no choice-'
'Amai. It's too
dangerous-'
'I don't need a
lecture, Cam . I need your
help.'
'I can't help
you if you won't help yourself.'
Amai flared. 'It
was you who dragged me into this mess-'
Cam looked down.
'There's
something else,' Amai said. 'Something worse.'
Cam didn't speak.
Amai told her
about Tet, and Triet's plan for Saigon 's slaughter.
Cam steadied herself against the wall. 'I have to meditate.'
'You always run
away to meditate. What should I do?'
'The world has
its path, Amai. Everything happens for a reason. Saigon 's fate is Saigon 's
fate. We cannot change it.'
Amai felt like Cam was abandoning her. 'I have to stop
this.'
Cam swept the hair from Amai's face. 'And the American - Danny. Will he
take you out of Saigon- '
'He's away.'
'You need to
tell him what's going on.'
'He'll leave
me.'
'Not if he loves
you.'
'Oh Cam , what've I become? I'm horrible.'
'No-'
'What would
father think?'
Cam was silent.
Amai looked at
the floor. 'He would be ashamed.'
'He doesn't know
what the world is like now.'
Their father
lived a strictly Confucian way of life. He valued the virtues, and had raised
his children to respect the traditional ways. Amai pondered the web of the
deceit that she had spun since arriving in Saigon . Her father would be ashamed. She was ashamed.
Her father insisted
on dignity and respect of others; but above all else, he insisted on respect of
self.
The body is
as important as the mind; his long spoken words
filled her with dread.
Triet had
manipulated her into lying, acting like a whore, and now drugging people. In
the beginning she had believed Triet's propaganda, but now she understood that
in his relentlessdrive to beat the Americans, her innocents had been
trampled.
I was so
naive, she thought.
Triet had taken
advantage of her, and now she would have to carry out another shameful task, or
her innocent niece would become a victim.
'I wish I
brick-dust.
She kept going.
When she reached Cam 's building, Amai was
panting hard. She looked back; no one had followed her; no one was paying her
any attention, but a small crowd had formed at the lane's entrance. Amai's
limbs felt cold and heavy.
She climbed the
internal spiral of thin metal stairs to the third floor. It was cool and
gloomy. Her feet clanged on the iron steps, and a musty smell drifted down from
the rooms above.
Amai knocked on Cam 's door, but got no answer. She felt on
the verge of panic and banged the door with the edge of her fist.
She's not
home, Amai thought. I've got to get in.
She remembered
seeing some thin plastic banding outside on the pavement, and went down to get
it.
Outside she felt
exposed. Two Army jeeps and an ambulance rounded the corner. She snatched up
the plastic, shrank back into the doorway, and ran up the stairs.
Amai flattened
the plastic and forced it between the jamb and the lock. The door opened and
she went in.
Amai was annoyed
to find Cam sitting
cross-legged in the centre of the room. Cam was a picture of peace: eyes closed, breathing slow, chanting
softly, while behind her, down in the harbor, cranes moved like the mechanical
fangs of giant spiders, feeding on a helpless prey of paralyzed steel.
Cam often said that meditation connected her with the divine; the
mantra focusing her mind until her sense of self expanded out into the peace of
full transcendence. It was at this time that her psychic energy was strongest.
Cam 's eyes opened.
Amai went to
her. 'Did you not hear the explosion?'
'What
explosion?' Cam unfolded
herself, stood, and took her in a sisterly embrace. 'What is it, petal?' Cam said. What's wrong?'
Tears welled in
Amai's eyes, but didn't spill. 'Too many things, Cam- '
'You're in
trouble.'
Amai vomited her
words: 'Triet will cut off Nhu An's hands if I don't get information from an
American-'
'No.' Cam said. 'No-'
'I must. Nhu An-'
'We'll get a
message to her. She can go into hiding-'
'No Cam . Triet's serious. They'll find her. I
have no choice-'
'Amai. It's too
dangerous-'
'I don't need a
lecture, Cam . I need your
help.'
'I can't help
you if you won't help yourself.'
Amai flared. 'It
was you who dragged me into this mess-'
Cam looked down.
'There's
something else,' Amai said. 'Something worse.'
Cam didn't speak.
Amai told her
about Tet, and Triet's plan for Saigon 's slaughter.
Cam steadied herself against the wall. 'I have to meditate.'
'You always run
away to meditate. What should I do?'
'The world has
its path, Amai. Everything happens for a reason. Saigon 's fate is Saigon 's
fate. We cannot change it.'
Amai felt like Cam was abandoning her. 'I have to stop
this.'
Cam swept the hair from Amai's face. 'And the American - Danny. Will he
take you out of Saigon- '
'He's away.'
'You need to
tell him what's going on.'
'He'll leave
me.'
'Not if he loves
you.'
'Oh Cam , what've I become? I'm horrible.'
'No-'
'What would
father think?'
Cam was silent.
Amai looked at
the floor. 'He would be ashamed.'
'He doesn't know
what the world is like now.'
Their father
lived a strictly Confucian way of life. He valued the virtues, and had raised
his children to respect the traditional ways. Amai pondered the web of the
deceit that she had spun since arriving in Saigon . Her father would be ashamed. She was ashamed.
Her father insisted
on dignity and respect of others; but above all else, he insisted on respect of
self.
The body is
as important as the mind; his long spoken words
filled her with dread.
Triet had
manipulated her into lying, acting like a whore, and now drugging people. In
the beginning she had believed Triet's propaganda, but now she understood that
in his relentlessdrive to beat the Americans, her innocents had been
trampled.
I was so
naive, she thought.
Triet had taken
advantage of her, and now she would have to carry out another shameful task, or
her innocent niece would become a victim.
'I wish I
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