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Authors: Grace Paley
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black brassière I saw advertised in the paper with some cleverly stitched windows for ventilation. I still have it. She never dared take it home.
But I will not be eaten by any woman.
My poor old mother died with a sizable chunk of me stuck in her gullet. I was in the army at the time, but I understand her last words were: âIntroduce Freddy to Eleanor Farbstein.â Consider the nerve of that woman. Including me in a codicil. She left my sister to that ad man and culinary expert with a crew cut. She left my father to the commiseration of aunts, while me, her prize possession and the best piece of meat in the freezer of her heart, she left to Ellen Farbstein.
As a matter of fact, Dotty said it herself. âI never went with a fellow who paid as much attention as you, Freddy. Youâre always there. I know if Iâm lonesome or depressed all I have to do is call you and youâll meet me downtown and drop whatever youâre doing. Donât think I donât appreciate it.â
The established truth is, I wasnât doing much. My brother-in-law could have kept me in clover, but he pretended I was a specialist in certain ornate copy infrequently called for by his concern. Therefore I was able to give my wit, energy, and attention to Jews in the Newsâ
Morgenlicht
, the Morning Paper That Comes Out the Night Before.
And so we reached the end. Dot really believed weâd win. I was almost persuaded. Drinking hot chocolate and screwdrivers, we fantasied six weeks away.
We won.
I received a 9 a.m. phone call one mid-week morning. âRise and shine, Frederick P. Sims. We did it. You see, whatever you really try to do, you can do.â
She quit work at noon and met me for lunch at an outdoor café in the Village, full of smiles and corrupt with pride. We ate very well and I had to hear the following informationâpart of it Iâd suspected.
It was all in her name. Of course her mother had to get some. She had helped with the translation because Dotty had very little Yiddish actually (not to mention her worry about the security of her old age); and it was necessary, they had decided in midnight conference, to send some money to their old aunt Lise, who had gotten out of Europe only ninety minutes before it was sealed forever and was now in Toronto among strangers, having lost most of her mind.
The trip abroad to Israel and three other European capitals was for two (2). They had to be married. If our papers could not include one that proved our conjunction by law, she would sail alone. Before I could make my accumulating statement, she shrieked oh! her mother was waiting in front of Lord and Taylorâs. And she was off.
I smoked my miserable encrusted pipe and considered my position.
Meanwhile in another part of the city, wheels were moving, presses humming, and the next day the facts were composed from right to left across the masthead of
Morgenlicht
:
! SNIW NAMRESSAW YTTOD
SREWSNA EHT LLA SWONK LRIG NYLKOORB
Neatly boxed below, a picture of Dot and me eating lunch recalled a bright flash that had illuminated the rice pudding the day before, as I sat drenched in the fizzle of my modest hopes.
I sent Dotty a postcard. It said: âNo can do.â
The final arrangements were complicated due to the reluctance of the Israeli government to permit egress to dollar bills which were making the grandest tour of all. Once inside that province of cosmopolitans, the dollar was expected to resign its hedonistic role as an American toy and begin the presbyterian life of a tool.
Within two weeks letters came from abroad bearing this information and containing photographs of Dotty smiling at a kibbutz, leaning sympathetically on a wailing wall, unctuous in an orange grove.
I decided to take a permanent job for a couple of months in an agency, attaching the following copy to photographs of upright men!
THIS IS BILL FEARY. HE IS THE MAN WHO WILL TAKE YOUR ORDER FOR â TONS OF RED
But I will not be eaten by any woman.
My poor old mother died with a sizable chunk of me stuck in her gullet. I was in the army at the time, but I understand her last words were: âIntroduce Freddy to Eleanor Farbstein.â Consider the nerve of that woman. Including me in a codicil. She left my sister to that ad man and culinary expert with a crew cut. She left my father to the commiseration of aunts, while me, her prize possession and the best piece of meat in the freezer of her heart, she left to Ellen Farbstein.
As a matter of fact, Dotty said it herself. âI never went with a fellow who paid as much attention as you, Freddy. Youâre always there. I know if Iâm lonesome or depressed all I have to do is call you and youâll meet me downtown and drop whatever youâre doing. Donât think I donât appreciate it.â
The established truth is, I wasnât doing much. My brother-in-law could have kept me in clover, but he pretended I was a specialist in certain ornate copy infrequently called for by his concern. Therefore I was able to give my wit, energy, and attention to Jews in the Newsâ
Morgenlicht
, the Morning Paper That Comes Out the Night Before.
And so we reached the end. Dot really believed weâd win. I was almost persuaded. Drinking hot chocolate and screwdrivers, we fantasied six weeks away.
We won.
I received a 9 a.m. phone call one mid-week morning. âRise and shine, Frederick P. Sims. We did it. You see, whatever you really try to do, you can do.â
She quit work at noon and met me for lunch at an outdoor café in the Village, full of smiles and corrupt with pride. We ate very well and I had to hear the following informationâpart of it Iâd suspected.
It was all in her name. Of course her mother had to get some. She had helped with the translation because Dotty had very little Yiddish actually (not to mention her worry about the security of her old age); and it was necessary, they had decided in midnight conference, to send some money to their old aunt Lise, who had gotten out of Europe only ninety minutes before it was sealed forever and was now in Toronto among strangers, having lost most of her mind.
The trip abroad to Israel and three other European capitals was for two (2). They had to be married. If our papers could not include one that proved our conjunction by law, she would sail alone. Before I could make my accumulating statement, she shrieked oh! her mother was waiting in front of Lord and Taylorâs. And she was off.
I smoked my miserable encrusted pipe and considered my position.
Meanwhile in another part of the city, wheels were moving, presses humming, and the next day the facts were composed from right to left across the masthead of
Morgenlicht
:
! SNIW NAMRESSAW YTTOD
SREWSNA EHT LLA SWONK LRIG NYLKOORB
Neatly boxed below, a picture of Dot and me eating lunch recalled a bright flash that had illuminated the rice pudding the day before, as I sat drenched in the fizzle of my modest hopes.
I sent Dotty a postcard. It said: âNo can do.â
The final arrangements were complicated due to the reluctance of the Israeli government to permit egress to dollar bills which were making the grandest tour of all. Once inside that province of cosmopolitans, the dollar was expected to resign its hedonistic role as an American toy and begin the presbyterian life of a tool.
Within two weeks letters came from abroad bearing this information and containing photographs of Dotty smiling at a kibbutz, leaning sympathetically on a wailing wall, unctuous in an orange grove.
I decided to take a permanent job for a couple of months in an agency, attaching the following copy to photographs of upright men!
THIS IS BILL FEARY. HE IS THE MAN WHO WILL TAKE YOUR ORDER FOR â TONS OF RED
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