walked me patiently through the process, the room scrolling past me beneath.
Within minutes I had a name of my own!! But what the heck was I going to do with it?
That night I signed off wondering what I was thinking. Everyone knew that the internet and chatrooms were for kids. I wandered into the kitchen, got a cup of tea and headed for bed.
It was several days later I was doing laundry when I wandered back into James's room.
I had only meant to put away the last of his clothes and there sat his computer.
I stopped in front of it and thought to myself, what the heck. It wasn't like I had anything other than matching socks waiting for me.
As I signed on, I went into the same chatroom I had been in before, hoping to run into a name or two I recognized at least.
No such luck.
I said the hellos, and then settled down to chatting with whomever would respond back to me. I was getting into the swing of it, having a reasonably good time (or at least a better time than would have been had, had I gone the sock route) when one person in particular started chatting with me.
He (or at least it seemed like it was a he) was so easy going. It was so simple just to sit back and chat and chat with him. The rest of the chatroom scrolled past me unaware.
I found myself not even reading their conversations, so busy was I watching for what his next response or question was going to be.
Night after night, he and I continued our conversations. It wasn't long before we compared marriages and divorces, dating disasters, and parenting techniques. We talked about the news, we talked about the weather.
We talked of joys and disappointment.
He seemed able to tell when I was having a shitty day, and even was able to jolly me out of a bad mood, something my ex was never able to do (perhaps that is why he became my ex eventually).
I enjoyed the time I spent typing to him. I even think he enjoyed it as well. He made me feel special in a way not to many people had ever been able to in my life.
I would shake my head at times, wondering what I thought I was doing.
I mean you hear about people who meet via the internet, but you never think you, a reasonable person who even has a life would ever get lured into something so silly.
But I did and I was and I was loving it!!
I guess I didn't ever think of where any of it would lead to.
I don't know why I thought that I could sit down and spill my heart out to another person night after night, weekends too, and not being to feel something for that person.
He was so supportive, so funny, so intelligent.
God, if he had been my next door neighbor I would have been offering sugar and flour by now just to lure him over.
But even though I felt like this man knew me better than most of my family members or good friends, it seemed odd, awkward even to think about meeting him. He was from the internet!
What if people ever asked how we met?
Oh my God, I found myself realizing I did want to meet him.
The more I thought about it the more I wanted to.
************
FLIRTING...
Our conversations went on. Both of us seemed to avoid the mention of meeting. Now that I wanted it, I could tell more clearly that we were definitely not bringing it up.
If the conversation turned toward a topic that might remotely end up with us discussing it, we quickly changed directions. Him as well as me.
I began wondering if he was as weirded out about it as I was, or perhaps he just didn't like me enough to think about meeting.
Was I just some pesky woman he put up with? I just couldn't believe that.
He seemed to enjoy chatting with me, he was always available when
I would say hello, he never made excuses that I could tell, in order to get away from me.
I ended up doubting myself at times.
Wasn't I good enough to meet?
It really bothered me that he wasn't bringing it up. I wasn't about to do it.
I was the woman.
We aren't the aggressors.
We never ask another person out! I sounded like my mom to myself. Hell, I was
Coleen Kwan
Mari Mancusi
Ngaio Marsh
Judy Goldschmidt
is Mooney
Barbara Gowdy
Stephanie Bond
Rob Tiffany
Unknown
Amanda Quick