Read Online The Catalyst by Angela Jardine - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Angela Jardine
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all created a warm feeling of being loved within her. It was a novel feeling and she remembered every detail of this, her first sexual experience, with a feeling of gratitude that it had been Jasper who had taken her virginity. Even so, there had been a price to pay.
The next day she had felt shy of him, remembering how he had seen her last, a mixture of wantonness and vulnerability. Jasper too seemed awkward, his usual self-mockery and joking taking on a preoccupied, disjointed quality. They were both very much aware this first encounter had disturbed something delicate between them and the balance of a shared trust and childhood innocence had now been weighted unevenly by the very adult act of sex.
What had been an expected rite of passage for him and a metamorphosis from girl to woman for her had threatened the special rapport between them and, now the physical experience was over, they became aware of an emotional discord. Both of them were aware they had jeopardised something far more valuable and were anxious to regain it.
A sort of tacitly understood agreement arose between them and they had never again attempted any further physical intimacy. They knew without words such a relationship endangered their much more important emotional link. Physical relationships could end and neither one of them could afford for that to happen.
It had taken time before their sense of total ease with one another was fully reestablished and in time their romantic lives had taken separate paths. Such love affairs never disturbed their deep need for one another although their closeness usually led to misunderstandings on the part of their new lovers. These romances lasted only a short time and seemed ultimately doomed as neither of them was willing to break their bond to ensure that another relationship might flourish. That was, until the day Jasper left.
He had been working as a diver for a salvage company since leaving school. Marking time he called it, until he really knew what he wanted to do with his life. Then one night he had stumbled into Jenny’s bedsit, battered and bloodied after one beating too many. He had stayed at the farm at his father’s insistence as the old man was in need of help to keep the place running.
Now Jasper was fully grown his father was no longer a threat to him, so he had stayed to help out on the farm before and after his diving work. But even though Jasper was strong and fit, his brother Jem had some sort of rage bottled up deep within him and after a few drinks he lost what little ability he had to control it. As with all bullies he needed a soft target and his fists usually fell on Jasper, who had never understood the concept of violence, especially towards a brother.
This last beating had been Jem’s handiwork and it was the deciding factor in Jasper's decision to leave. He knew now he was risking his life living at the farm and it was a life that could not remain on hold for other people, not for his Father, not even for Jenny. He had long had a need to do something for himself and now, thanks to Jem, it was time to do it.
Jenny had patched him up, wincing with him at his pain and vowing fiercely to do unspeakable things to Jeremy Carne for this latest cruelty and as his body eased Jasper had outlined his determination to leave for London. She had wanted to beg him not to leave but only half believing he could really leave her behind she had managed to stay silent.
He had slept on her sofa and left early next morning without waking her. The note he left said simply,
‘Couldn’t face you to say goodbye. I love you. I will always love you. J.’
Although she had seen the necessity for his leaving the night before it did not ease the shocked hurt she felt as she read his words and she had stormed at him in his absence as she paced about her bedsit, her anger fuelled by the fear of a life without him. It wasn’t until she had broken several plates that she had come to a standstill and wept,
The next day she had felt shy of him, remembering how he had seen her last, a mixture of wantonness and vulnerability. Jasper too seemed awkward, his usual self-mockery and joking taking on a preoccupied, disjointed quality. They were both very much aware this first encounter had disturbed something delicate between them and the balance of a shared trust and childhood innocence had now been weighted unevenly by the very adult act of sex.
What had been an expected rite of passage for him and a metamorphosis from girl to woman for her had threatened the special rapport between them and, now the physical experience was over, they became aware of an emotional discord. Both of them were aware they had jeopardised something far more valuable and were anxious to regain it.
A sort of tacitly understood agreement arose between them and they had never again attempted any further physical intimacy. They knew without words such a relationship endangered their much more important emotional link. Physical relationships could end and neither one of them could afford for that to happen.
It had taken time before their sense of total ease with one another was fully reestablished and in time their romantic lives had taken separate paths. Such love affairs never disturbed their deep need for one another although their closeness usually led to misunderstandings on the part of their new lovers. These romances lasted only a short time and seemed ultimately doomed as neither of them was willing to break their bond to ensure that another relationship might flourish. That was, until the day Jasper left.
He had been working as a diver for a salvage company since leaving school. Marking time he called it, until he really knew what he wanted to do with his life. Then one night he had stumbled into Jenny’s bedsit, battered and bloodied after one beating too many. He had stayed at the farm at his father’s insistence as the old man was in need of help to keep the place running.
Now Jasper was fully grown his father was no longer a threat to him, so he had stayed to help out on the farm before and after his diving work. But even though Jasper was strong and fit, his brother Jem had some sort of rage bottled up deep within him and after a few drinks he lost what little ability he had to control it. As with all bullies he needed a soft target and his fists usually fell on Jasper, who had never understood the concept of violence, especially towards a brother.
This last beating had been Jem’s handiwork and it was the deciding factor in Jasper's decision to leave. He knew now he was risking his life living at the farm and it was a life that could not remain on hold for other people, not for his Father, not even for Jenny. He had long had a need to do something for himself and now, thanks to Jem, it was time to do it.
Jenny had patched him up, wincing with him at his pain and vowing fiercely to do unspeakable things to Jeremy Carne for this latest cruelty and as his body eased Jasper had outlined his determination to leave for London. She had wanted to beg him not to leave but only half believing he could really leave her behind she had managed to stay silent.
He had slept on her sofa and left early next morning without waking her. The note he left said simply,
‘Couldn’t face you to say goodbye. I love you. I will always love you. J.’
Although she had seen the necessity for his leaving the night before it did not ease the shocked hurt she felt as she read his words and she had stormed at him in his absence as she paced about her bedsit, her anger fuelled by the fear of a life without him. It wasn’t until she had broken several plates that she had come to a standstill and wept,
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