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have tried anyway, disregarding my personal safety. This was back when we were all very small and made of rubber. Nowadays, hollering was more effective, unless they were really into it, in which case nothing would work.
    They were really into it. Adam managed to kick Sean off him and get in a blow to Sean’s chin. Usually they didn’t hit each other in the face because Mrs. Vader would see the bruises and they’d get in trouble. Adam must be angry enough tonight not to care.
    Sean came right back with a punch to Adam’s gut. While Adam was absorbing that one, Sean pinned Adam’s arm high behind him, tripped him, forced him to the ground, and put one knee on his back. Tonight Sean was more aggressive than usual, intent on causing more pain.
    Or—Something wasn’t right. Had they switched shirts? Surely not. Sean didn’t let Adam borrow his clothes. Slowly it dawned on me that Sean was Adam and Adam was Sean. For the first time ever, Adam was kicking Sean’s ass.
    “Holy shit,” I said helpfully. “Adam, let him go.”
    Adam looked up at me, blue eyes shadowed in the dark between the trees, skull and crossbones swinging at his neck.
    This gave Sean the opportunity to buck Adam off. He snatched Adam down to the ground and punched him.
    “Sean,” I said, stepping close over them again. They weren’t listening to me. I looked over at Rachel, who had her hands over her mouth and her toes turned in. She looked exactly like a James Bond girl from the pre-Halle Berry era, one of those ditzes who stood safely in the corner and never had a dagger when she needed one, like Honey Ryder, or Plenty O’Toole. “Rachel, a little help?” I called.
    She stared at me with big doe eyes like she had no idea what I was talking about. She’d been with Adam for a month and she’d never seen one of his fights with Sean?
    “Call Adam off!” I yelled at her. “Or Sean. Whichever one you can get!” Both.
    “Sean, stop,” she said in a whiny little voice that couldn’t have reprimanded a Chihuahua.
    “Forget it.” I knelt down on the pine needles and shouted directly at Sean and Adam, on their level. “I’ll go get your dad. Your dad will come down into your party and cuss at you and spit on the ground in front of your friends.”
    They didn’t even slow down. Whoever was on top had the other in a choke hold so real, the victim was turning red.
    “I’ll go get your mom!”
    Adam gave Sean a final shake and stood up quickly, before Sean could catch his leg and pull him down. “What is the matter with you?” Adam screamed.
    Yeah. What was the matter with Sean? He was making out with Rachel, that’s what. This was terrible! It blew my theory out of the water that Sean had never asked me out because I was too young for him. Rachel was a year younger than me !
    Normally I would have given up, slunk home, and broken out the Cheetos. I would have immersed myself in I, Robot for comfort (again) and put it down after every paragraph to wallow in my own outrage and loss. He’d flirted with me just that afternoon! He’d wiped bryozoa on me !
    Luckily, this was no normal night. Tonight I was on a mission. So I reasoned that all wasn’t lost. Maybe Sean had flirted with me because he was overcome by my charms and wit (ho ho), but he didn’t see me as the girlfriend type. After all, I’d never been anyone’s girlfriend. Rachel didn’t have this problem. Sean had watched Rachel go out with Adam for a month.
    Sean stood up more slowly than Adam had, taking deep, ragged breaths, clearly hurting. I waited for Adam to decide Sean had had enough of his wrath for now, and turn to Rachel. I looked forward to hearing what Adam would call her, to save me the trouble. But he never even glanced in her direction. He said again, still to Sean, “What the hell is the matter with you?” His voice broke.
    Now Cameron and McGillicuddy came jogging through the trees, with Tammy behind them, and more interested spectators from the party