appearance, because she wanted so desperately to see those men caughtâbut how could she tell Chang what she had seen in a dream without sounding like a madwoman?
What if it was all just a nightmare? What if she had in fact died when she was shot, and all the rest, everything that she had experienced since, was just some epic, drawn-out dream?
She tried to place things in some logical sequence. There had been that moment in the hospital when she had imagined herself in the hallway outside her room, and that had seemed real also. And it must have seemed real to Millie, too, because remembering now that moment when the nurse burst into the room, recalling her expression, she realized that Millie had fully expected to see an empty bed. So Millie must have seen her in the corridor as well. Surely two people couldnât share the same delusion.
She thought about the woman doctor. Like the woman today at Roseâs shopâthey could have been the same person, she realized suddenlyâthe doctor too had mentioned travel. Had she been only a dream, too, or had she been real? Yes, of course, she was real. She and Millie had exchanged words.
Or had they? The doctor had spoken, and Millie had spoken, but had they actually spoken to one another? She couldnât remember their exact words, but now she didnât think that they had. For that matter, had Millie even seen the doctor? And if not, did it mean she wasnât real?
Even that hadnât been the beginning, though. There was that eerie experience when she had been, if not dead, certainly dying. It had gotten blurry in her memory, like a faded photograph and she had deliberately pushed that memory away. There had been light, she remembered that much, blinding light, and someone had spoken to her about a job to do. Something only she could do.
So many questions, to which she could think of no answers. What had the woman in the shop said today: âYou must practice. You mustnât let the pain hold you back from traveling.â
Okay, then, say that she had been âtraveling,â in some sense. Was she having, what-did-they-call-them, out of body experiences?
Dean and Summers had published a book on paranormal experiences a few years back. She went to the bookshelves lining the wall, and found it, An Almanac of the Paranormal , and looked through the table of contents until she found a heading for âastral projection.â Yes, she thought, skimming through that chapter, it sounded like what had been happening to her.
There was a lengthy discussion of what the author described as a spiritual double, what the ancient Egyptians had called the Ka, which could sometimes leave the body during sleep or during a trance and return to it, so that individuals might seem to be in two places at once. According to the author, this âtravelâ often began as a spontaneous thing. Which, if you thought about it, was certainly what had happened with her.
She put the book aside for a moment. It sounded to her like a lot of mumbo-jumbo. Yet she couldnât deny that something had happened to her, that unless she had simply had the most bizarre dreams, she had traveled in some spirit fashion to other locations.
She had a chilling thought: if that nightmare of her daughterâs murderers was not a nightmare, then she had actually, spontaneously, traveled to where they were. Was that what she was meant to do, why she had been given this bizarre âgift?â Because, if so, God in Heaven, she didnât want it. She did not want ever again to have an experience like that.
Except, she hadnât been given any choice, had she? It had been spontaneous. But surely, she was not simply at the mercy of some extraterrestrial force. There must be some way to prevent that from happening again. She went back to the book. Yes, astral travelers generally learned with practice to control their projections, to choose where and when they will travel.
Well,
What if it was all just a nightmare? What if she had in fact died when she was shot, and all the rest, everything that she had experienced since, was just some epic, drawn-out dream?
She tried to place things in some logical sequence. There had been that moment in the hospital when she had imagined herself in the hallway outside her room, and that had seemed real also. And it must have seemed real to Millie, too, because remembering now that moment when the nurse burst into the room, recalling her expression, she realized that Millie had fully expected to see an empty bed. So Millie must have seen her in the corridor as well. Surely two people couldnât share the same delusion.
She thought about the woman doctor. Like the woman today at Roseâs shopâthey could have been the same person, she realized suddenlyâthe doctor too had mentioned travel. Had she been only a dream, too, or had she been real? Yes, of course, she was real. She and Millie had exchanged words.
Or had they? The doctor had spoken, and Millie had spoken, but had they actually spoken to one another? She couldnât remember their exact words, but now she didnât think that they had. For that matter, had Millie even seen the doctor? And if not, did it mean she wasnât real?
Even that hadnât been the beginning, though. There was that eerie experience when she had been, if not dead, certainly dying. It had gotten blurry in her memory, like a faded photograph and she had deliberately pushed that memory away. There had been light, she remembered that much, blinding light, and someone had spoken to her about a job to do. Something only she could do.
So many questions, to which she could think of no answers. What had the woman in the shop said today: âYou must practice. You mustnât let the pain hold you back from traveling.â
Okay, then, say that she had been âtraveling,â in some sense. Was she having, what-did-they-call-them, out of body experiences?
Dean and Summers had published a book on paranormal experiences a few years back. She went to the bookshelves lining the wall, and found it, An Almanac of the Paranormal , and looked through the table of contents until she found a heading for âastral projection.â Yes, she thought, skimming through that chapter, it sounded like what had been happening to her.
There was a lengthy discussion of what the author described as a spiritual double, what the ancient Egyptians had called the Ka, which could sometimes leave the body during sleep or during a trance and return to it, so that individuals might seem to be in two places at once. According to the author, this âtravelâ often began as a spontaneous thing. Which, if you thought about it, was certainly what had happened with her.
She put the book aside for a moment. It sounded to her like a lot of mumbo-jumbo. Yet she couldnât deny that something had happened to her, that unless she had simply had the most bizarre dreams, she had traveled in some spirit fashion to other locations.
She had a chilling thought: if that nightmare of her daughterâs murderers was not a nightmare, then she had actually, spontaneously, traveled to where they were. Was that what she was meant to do, why she had been given this bizarre âgift?â Because, if so, God in Heaven, she didnât want it. She did not want ever again to have an experience like that.
Except, she hadnât been given any choice, had she? It had been spontaneous. But surely, she was not simply at the mercy of some extraterrestrial force. There must be some way to prevent that from happening again. She went back to the book. Yes, astral travelers generally learned with practice to control their projections, to choose where and when they will travel.
Well,
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