on my pinkie nail. “What did you do?”
“So I light her up and take her down. My spotter is like ‘What did you do?’ He never saw the AK-47 or the bulk under the burka, and he’s losing it. He thinks I just killed a woman for no reason at all. That’s the moment when I regret pulling the trigger. Did I really see what I saw? Did I kill an innocent woman?”
Holy Mother.
“Lia?” Ash stared at my hand. “You’re going to draw blood if you keep biting your nail.”
I pulled my finger from my mouth and clasped my hands together. “What happened?”
“Through the scope, I see the marine’s advance element checking out the kill,” he said. “Sure enough, she’s wired with enough explosives to take out the entire unit. The news comes over the radio. The kid’s not even hers. She stole him from another woman and she was going to use him as a shield and blow him up too.”
“God.”
“That’s what I said too—well—I added a few choice words. My spotter, he went home stateside after that.”
“And you?”
“I didn’t like killing that woman and yet I can’t say I regret it. She killed herself with her actions. It was either her or my guys. But I made my decision and I get to live with it.”
He looked up from his scope. “Are you horrified?”
“No.”
“No?” The split eyebrow came up. “Lots of people would find tons of material for moral and ethical commentary in that story.”
“Not me,” I said. “I wish life was different, but beyond opinions, perspectives and politics, there are some evil people in this world.”
“Some would call you judgmental and self-righteous,” he pointed out.
“Sure,” I said. “That’s because they haven’t suffered at the hands of evil, or because they don’t know anyone who has, or because they don’t understand that evil can look cool, nice and even trendy sometimes.”
He flashed me a curious glance. “But you do.”
“I do what?”
“You understand evil quite well,” he said. “Why is that?”
The memories slammed me all at once. The darkness lunged at me like a hungry beast. I battled it back, rejecting the gloom and suppressing my emotions behind the wall I’d built in my mind. Steady. Breathe. Cope. I was getting better at this. My stomach roiled, but I managed to keep it together.
“Are you okay?” Ash eyed me with concern. “You’re looking a little shaky on your feet.”
“Me?” I let out a manufactured titter. “Nah. I’m good. What were we talking about?”
He frowned. “Evil and why you understand it so well?”
Crap.
I cleared my throat. “I guess I’m just a realist. At the end of the day, your guys went home to their parents, wives and kids. That’s what matters to me.”
His eyes lingered on my face for a few seconds too long. “Clear.”
“What?” I said.
“You can go now,” he said. “To feed your animals.”
“Oh, yes.” I charged for the door, but his voice stopped me at the threshold.
“You never walk to the door,” he mumbled, looking through his scope. “You run for it.”
“Pardon me?”
“Never mind.” He glanced at Neil, snapped his fingers and motioned for the German shepherd to follow me. “Go with her.”
“Come on, lover.” I patted my thigh.
The dog trotted over to me, but hesitated at the door and grumbled a drawn-out woof .
“Neil doesn’t like to leave you behind,” I said. “Is he trained to stick by you?”
Ash sighed and, turning from the scope, fixed his gaze on me. “And you say I ask too many questions.”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”
“I don’t like certain places and situations with lots of people these days,” he said, straightening on his feet. “That’s why I came out here. I’m not crazy or psychotic or anything like that.”
Post-traumatic stress disorder. “I know.”
“He helps with that stuff.”
“You didn’t have to tell me.”
“But I did tell you about Neil, just as I told you
“So I light her up and take her down. My spotter is like ‘What did you do?’ He never saw the AK-47 or the bulk under the burka, and he’s losing it. He thinks I just killed a woman for no reason at all. That’s the moment when I regret pulling the trigger. Did I really see what I saw? Did I kill an innocent woman?”
Holy Mother.
“Lia?” Ash stared at my hand. “You’re going to draw blood if you keep biting your nail.”
I pulled my finger from my mouth and clasped my hands together. “What happened?”
“Through the scope, I see the marine’s advance element checking out the kill,” he said. “Sure enough, she’s wired with enough explosives to take out the entire unit. The news comes over the radio. The kid’s not even hers. She stole him from another woman and she was going to use him as a shield and blow him up too.”
“God.”
“That’s what I said too—well—I added a few choice words. My spotter, he went home stateside after that.”
“And you?”
“I didn’t like killing that woman and yet I can’t say I regret it. She killed herself with her actions. It was either her or my guys. But I made my decision and I get to live with it.”
He looked up from his scope. “Are you horrified?”
“No.”
“No?” The split eyebrow came up. “Lots of people would find tons of material for moral and ethical commentary in that story.”
“Not me,” I said. “I wish life was different, but beyond opinions, perspectives and politics, there are some evil people in this world.”
“Some would call you judgmental and self-righteous,” he pointed out.
“Sure,” I said. “That’s because they haven’t suffered at the hands of evil, or because they don’t know anyone who has, or because they don’t understand that evil can look cool, nice and even trendy sometimes.”
He flashed me a curious glance. “But you do.”
“I do what?”
“You understand evil quite well,” he said. “Why is that?”
The memories slammed me all at once. The darkness lunged at me like a hungry beast. I battled it back, rejecting the gloom and suppressing my emotions behind the wall I’d built in my mind. Steady. Breathe. Cope. I was getting better at this. My stomach roiled, but I managed to keep it together.
“Are you okay?” Ash eyed me with concern. “You’re looking a little shaky on your feet.”
“Me?” I let out a manufactured titter. “Nah. I’m good. What were we talking about?”
He frowned. “Evil and why you understand it so well?”
Crap.
I cleared my throat. “I guess I’m just a realist. At the end of the day, your guys went home to their parents, wives and kids. That’s what matters to me.”
His eyes lingered on my face for a few seconds too long. “Clear.”
“What?” I said.
“You can go now,” he said. “To feed your animals.”
“Oh, yes.” I charged for the door, but his voice stopped me at the threshold.
“You never walk to the door,” he mumbled, looking through his scope. “You run for it.”
“Pardon me?”
“Never mind.” He glanced at Neil, snapped his fingers and motioned for the German shepherd to follow me. “Go with her.”
“Come on, lover.” I patted my thigh.
The dog trotted over to me, but hesitated at the door and grumbled a drawn-out woof .
“Neil doesn’t like to leave you behind,” I said. “Is he trained to stick by you?”
Ash sighed and, turning from the scope, fixed his gaze on me. “And you say I ask too many questions.”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.”
“I don’t like certain places and situations with lots of people these days,” he said, straightening on his feet. “That’s why I came out here. I’m not crazy or psychotic or anything like that.”
Post-traumatic stress disorder. “I know.”
“He helps with that stuff.”
“You didn’t have to tell me.”
“But I did tell you about Neil, just as I told you
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