had collected earlier. That was my backup plan for ensuring Jimmy could do the switch with no audience. Open a bag of doggy poo, and wait until people got out of the place. Then he could do the switch. Nothing clears a room faster than a bad smell. Who cared if they thought it was caused by a little old man who couldnât make it to the bathroom in time?
I smiled, remembering the bad smell in the west gallery. It had done the trick!
This bag smelled fine. I wiggled the plastic down the sides of the frame so I could double-check that it was the right painting. The lady with the three boobies. Phew! What a relief.
I took a second to breathe deep. Weâd done it! Weâd just pulled off the coolest switch in the history of The Hammer. Even better, I had fulfilled the terms of Great-Uncle Sebâs will.
I turned around to check for Nico and smucked into a human wall.
THIRTEEN
âI âll take that, Gina,â Joey said. He easily wrenched the painting from my hands.
I stared at the big guy, in shock.
âWhat the hell are you doing?â I said, pushing hair out of my eyes.
âYou get Sebâs money. Seems only fair I get the picture.â
âIt isnât real,â I said, shaking my head. âI already did the switch.â
âItâs real enough to fool a buyer,â said Joey.
I stood for a moment with my mouth open. Then I shrugged. This could be good. Joey could keep the fake and I would be rid of theâ¦evidence.
âKnock yourself out then. I donât want it.â I straightened. It was off my hands. Yay! He could do whatever he wanted with the thing.
âDo you want a parrot too?â A breathless Nico came up beside me. Lainy followed him, with Pete in her wake.
Nico was carrying a heavy cotton sack. It wiggled a lot. He had to fight with both hands to keep it closed.
âSo help me God, if you bite me one more time, you are parrot stew!â Nico shrieked at the sack.
âPauly want a quickie,â the bag squawked.
âGina, I canât take it anymore. Iâm starting to channel John Cleese. OUCH!â
âWe have to figure out how to reward that bird. It did a stellar job today,â I reminded him. That parrot had just helped me earn a huge inheritance. And Nico didnât know it yet, but some of the money would be his.
âThe rest of you did a super job too,â I added. âI canât thank you enough.â
âYou can thank me by taking this sadistic parrot off my hands.â Nico sounded frazzled.
âItâs sad,â said Lainy. Her voice had a lilt. âPoor thing is probably just lonely.â
âMaybe he needs a lady bird,â said Joey.
âIâll take the bird if you donât want it, Nico,â Lainy offered. âI can use it in my road show.â
âLainy McSwain and the Lonesome Parrot?â quipped Pete.
âNo, wait. Lainy, I just got an idea,â said Nico. His face lit up with excitement. âWe could run a contest to find a mate for the wretched thing. Think of the publicity. In fact, Iâve been thinking of this theme for my store, so if we shoot a promo thereââ
While they were busy discussing parrot business, I walked a few steps away and called Sammy.
âMission accomplished,â I said into the phone. âI fulfilled the terms of the will.â
âGood work, sugar. Olâ Seb would be proud. Just a sec.â
I waited. I could hear Aunt Miriamâs voice in the background.
Sammy came back on the line. âSorry, gotta run. I have to get Paulo to bail your Bronx cousin out of the cop shop.â
Holy cannoli. âCarmine? What did he do?â
âApparently, he got caught passing funny fives. Imagine that.â
The Canton counterfeits? I gulped. âWhereâd he pick up something like that?â
Sammy chuckled. âAt a poker game. You might want to have a talk with that man of yours. He has potential.
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