Read Online The Appointment by Herta Müller - Free Book Online Page B

ones. Life became a mincing parade of calves drawn taut by stiletto heels marching across the asphalt, from the barracks to the officers’ mess and back. Between the sheets the women were all barefoot, moist, and groaning. Any moment was as good as another for dying, he was afraid they might do it underneath him.
    Taken each on his own, every uniformed man in that summer garden was a loser, even with the pears and the windfalls. And Lilli had small firm summer apples. After only a few words Lilli would have sent any one of them packing. They guessed as much, which was why they practiced the conquest of Lilli together, as a regimental exercise. In their view, Lilli’s officer no longer needed to oil his joints, he was past precision work, it was time he was relieved. They pressured him to give others a go at Lilli’s gorgeous flesh. As they tossed one match head after the other, the wedding rings they wore on their fingers glinted in the sun, while their eyes, fixed on their target, flashed like greased bullets. The old man set the ashtray next to his hand and said:
    They’re sick. We should have gone somewhere else.
    He gathered the match heads from the table and tossed them into the ashtray. His hands were as white and slender as a pharmacist’s. Neither he nor Lilli made a move to get up. Theyweren’t pretending to be calm; they were merely being patient. I couldn’t understand it, you only have that kind of patience if you know you won’t need it long. The officer’s temples were pulsing, but his face was still smooth, dappled beneath the sunshade like blotchy paper. The way Lilli looked at him, utterly without reserve, was new to me. Her gaze and his—like plums falling into still water. When he leaned in to take Lilli’s hand, his belly slid forward like a ball. Another two matches landed on the table. Now he’ll get angry, I thought. But he merely gathered these as well, using his free hand, while he was so sure of Lilli’s hand that he suddenly started to sing to her, softly:
A horse is coming into camp
with a window in its head.
Do you see the tower looming high and blue . . .
    The fact that he’d sing at all, so deep, although without revealing anything of his inner self, was moving enough. But the idea that he knew the song in the first place cut me to the quick. My grandfather used to sing the same song; he had learned it in the camp. The officer was obviously counting on Lilli and me being too young to know it. My God, it would have tied his tongue if I had joined in. As it was, the song sounded awkward, here at the table, simply because I was sitting between them, listening. I looked up and saw where the umbrella fabric had worn through at the spokes. We ourselves were caught in the spokes of a great wheel, and I was violating a secret. For the officer, Lilli wasn’t just another pleasant pastime, he loved her. And when he stopped singing, I left Lilli sitting beside him in the officers’ mess and went walking through town in a daze. Already then they must have been thinking aboutgetting out. He had two grown-up sons in Canada, that’s where he wanted to take her.
    The sun was beating down, the leaves fluttered green and yellow in the linden trees, but only the yellow ones drifted to the ground. However I looked at it, green stood for Lilli and yellow for him.
    This man’s too old for Lilli.
    I bumped into other pedestrians, didn’t see them in time. That afternoon I was utterly alone, and remained so until the next morning in the factory when Lilli called me over to talk about the officer.
    Since the business with the notes I was no longer allowed in the packing hall. Lilli was waiting in the corridor as I climbed the stairs. We went to a corner in the back, she squatted on her heels, I leaned my shoulder against the wall and said:
    His face is young, but his stomach’s round as a ball, like the setting sun.
    At this Lilli stiffened, anchored her fingertips on the floor, and opened her eyes